I find both insults annoying, and would never use either one. But I think “gay” is worse - not because it’s offensive to homosexuals, but because I am fond of the original “happy” meaning of the word.
I find both insults equally offensive. Personally, I couldn’t care less.
Ever see The Ringer? I bet those guys have a LOT more money than I do.
My BF’s grandson is autistic and kids call him “retard” all the time. The next time he comes home crying, I’ll tell him to suck it up, it’s not an insult!
Yeah.
If an expression has the potential to hurt anyone, why use it at all??
Hmm. I really don’t like either, but I’d give a slight edge to “that’s retarded,” because people with mental handicaps are generally less able to defend themselves than gay people.
That said, I would say general, societal discrimination against gay people is probably worse than against the handicapped.
The question is not whether it’s an insult. The question is whether it’s an insult that implies something about your character beyond the fact that you wanted to insult someone.
If you have ever used the word “stupid” or “idiotic” or “dumb” do you believe that you are insufficiently sensitive to the feelings of stupid, idiotic, or dumb people?
On the evidence, gays already have a vociferous enough lobby sticking up for them, whereas I’ve spent enough time working with SEN kids to feel especially sensitive about their vulnerability, so they get more of my sympathy.
However, how’s the quote go? “You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded.”
Chris Titus has a friend w/ Cerebral Palsy. He tells the story of going out to breakfast with him, among other friends, and his friends ramping up his disability to screw with the waitress. In Chris’s opinion, underachioevers are “retarded”.
Life’s too short to let words bother you.
Yes, that’s my attitude. I’d find someone calling a mentally disabled person “retarded” offensive; but not someone calling a stupid idea or someone acting stupider than they actually are.
Which is actually the opposite of “that’s gay”, since what makes it offensive is it’s not aimed at actually gay things. If you said “that’s so gay” about a gay guy’s homosexual porn collection he might think it’s a weird thing to say but I doubt he’d be offended.
Do people over age 16 actually say “That’s gay” to refer to things that are just lame or stupid? I use “that’s gay” but it will always be in reference to something like a dude wearing daisy dukes or leather pants.
Resident gay doper checking in here: I think retarded is worse than gay when it comes to referring to something as stupid or undesirable or whatever. Obviously I don’t like either, but I hear “that’s gay” so much that I’m a bit desensitized to it. “That’s retarded” just really grinds on me when I hear it, to the point that I would probably ask the person not to use that word around me like that.
No good rational reason that I can think of, honestly. Perhaps it’s because I hear so many people who have nothing against gays using the word gay to mean bad/dumb that I kind of think of them as separate words now. Also, both are pretty juvenile and I don’t hear them much anymore as an adult.
Funny thing is, I work with a group of mentally disabled people. They do volunteer work for my organization. And I have heard plenty of them, in talking to one another, say, “That’s so retarded!”
I never fail to be amused.
Someone on facebook recently complained about being using the word “retarded” because her brother has Down syndrome.
My first thought, my very first thought, was “that’s offensive, why are you implying your brother is retarded just because he has down syndrome?!” - The meaning has become completely divorced from that origin. And now, implying otherwise brings it back to that.
I think there is a point where you need to realise it is a dead horse, and that the euphemism treadmill is just a fact of life and language. Let it go, because at least letting it go will allow it to become completely divorced from insulting people with intellectual disabilities.
You would also be surprised if someone was upset hearing “moron”, or if someone complained about people using the word “dumb” because their father had throat cancer. By holding on and insisting on the original usage, you’re really (and unintentionally) just making the problem worse.
Of course, calling someone retarded is always going to be a mean thing to say, I’m not actually advocating its use.
ETA: and the same experience as Anaamika!
I feel the same way. Also the same way about “gay”. It’s bad taste to call a gay person gay. You call your friends gay when they are acting retarded.
Definetly “that’s gay”. Like it or not, “retarded” is on the way out as a proper term, much like “idiot” or “moron” eventually became obsolete. Mind you, I wouldn’t call a disabled kid “retarded”, because they’re not stupid – they have a legit disability.
Saying, “that’s gay”, unless something actually IS gay (a gay bar, a pride parade, etc), is much more offensive. The homophobia in our society, while it is slowly getting better, is still very much a problem. How many times do you hear of “retard bashing”? It’s against the law to discriminate against the disabled, but not all places protect gays from discrimination.
I haven’t used “that’s so gay!” since high school. Funny, back then, “that’s retarded!” was considered much more offensive back then. At least, it seems so.
Now you are insulting the vertically challenged.
I like them both, but then I’m gay and retarded.