Let me start out by saying that my parents and my girlfriend are three of the nicest people I know, and I’m sure everyone is going to cooperate to resolve this as best they can. I hope it’s all going to work out for the best.
On December 22, my parents will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. They’ve decided to celebrate by going on a Carribean cruise. Not only will they be taking themselves, but their three kids, their spouses, five grandkids, and the grandkids’ significant others. This is a total of about 17 people. All expenses paid. This is, to me, an unprecedented act of generousity on my parents’ part. This is a wonderful thing they are doing.
When they brought this up a couple of months ago, I suggested that we might want to take the trip within the month after Christmas. You see, my GF is a teacher, and will have classes and exems pretty much right up until the 24th. The school’s policy is that you need to get your grades in by the 26th. Many a teacher has worked right through the holiday trying to meet this deadline. And the school is very inflexible on this.
So my parents e-mailed all of us today, giving us a choice of two packages – a 5-day cruise starting 12/16, or a 4-day cruise starting on the 18th. This means that my GF will not be able to go. She was really really really really looking forward to it. I don’t think that a single person invited would enjoy it as much as she.
The thing is, although she’ll be crushed, she’s likely to say it’s OK, we should all go without her. She won’t press her case.
So, it looks like I have a few choices:
Go without her, in which case I’d feel like a cad leaving her behind in cold weather to work her butt off.
Stay home with her, which would be a slap in the face to my very generous parents. Not to mention they won’t have their entire family around to celebrate. I already missed my father’s 70th birthday party last year.
Ask my parents – and everyone else – to switch around their plans to accomodate one person. “Gee Ma, thanks for the boat. Change the date.”
I don’t like any one of those choices. What would you do?
You could try what I do when faced with faced with such a dilemna within my own family. Break out in song- “You… cain’t always get… what you wahawant…”
Or maybe you could console her with the promise that your honeymoon will more than make up for it?
Speaking as a teacher…in that situation, I would cash in my personal necessity leave, my optional personal necessity leave and some sick time, give my kids their exams early, submit grades early, and go on the 12/18 trip. Teachers always have some options (unless she is still probationary).
I’ll ask her about that, but seeing that she’s not just a teacher but an administrator, I don’t know if she has that option. She’ll probably need to be around to make sure other teachers turn in their grades as well.
I wouldn’t suggest option (3). Presumably your parents have set the dates after trying to accommodate the preferences of all 17 people and this is the best date that they could come up with. So it’s either option (1) or (2). Whom would prefer to please? Given that it’s your parents’ 50th anniversary and they’re being so generous, I’d take option (1).
If she is an administrator, she has even more options. She will have to compensate by picking up some time over the summer, but in our district she would be free to take vacation time and leave time at will. As long as there are other administrators to cover for her, she is golden. Book the cruise!
Jobs come and go, but free trips to Caribbean cruises come once in a lifetime. I suggest she ask for the time off; nobody is that indispensable at a job that they can’t make a once-in-a-lifetime accommodation for her. And she will be giving them buttloads of time to make arrangements for her replacement/juggling exam schedules/whatever.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I think she should fight for this one.
However, I’d have to say go with option 1: You’ve already skipped the 70th birthday party, so this time it’s your family’s “turn”. Make it up to your girlfriend in the best way you can, and make sure she knows how you feel about the whole thing (if she doesn’t already!) I’m so sorry she’ll be crushed, poor thing, but I do hope she’d be able to understand.f that’s what it comes to. It’s a difficult decision, and I’m sure it’s not one she herself would want to be making.
I wish you luck, no matter what route you decide to take.
With that many people’s schedules in play, it’s nearly inevitable that someone will will have a conflict. Having said that, #3 has to be right out.
I think you shoud go on the trip. A partner that is truly committed to you would not begrudge you time with your family. It would likely be a hard pill for her to swallow, but if she really has no way of getting the time off, I don’t see how she could justify holding it against you if you went on the trip.
Ya know, instead of relying on all of you for guidance, I decided to just call her and see what she thought. Crazy idea, huh? Her thoughts – she’s going. No matter what it takes. She’s only got one course that semester, and she has a choice not to give an exam. Worst case scenario, she can get a TA to take over.
So you guys were absolutely right.
We just have to make sure that there’s an internet connection on the ship, because she will still be working. Just no office hours.
So she can go! And she’ll be spending time with the less dangerous types of sharks.
Seeing that there are so many going already, d’ya think your parents would notice an extra tagging along? Just tell them I’m the recently adopted one. If they raise their eyebrows about the fact I’m middle-aged, mention that it is rude to be ageist.
Indeed, I hope you all have the most wonderful time, and wish your folks a bloody brilliant 50th anniversary from all of us (extremely envious) posters here tdn.
