-
Hula Girl
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Hula Kitty
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Small speakers
-
Monitor
-
Webcam on top of monitor
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Lava lamp
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Ceramic coaster
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Fax / phone combo
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Typed list of all passwords taped to desk surface
That’s three lava lamps!
[ol][li]Black Dell keyboard[/li][li]Black CRT Monitor from Dell[/li][li]Grey Dell mousepad[/li][li]Black Dell optical mouse[/li][li]Cordless telephone[/li][li]Calculator shaped like a mobile telephone[/li][li]Empty powdered gatorade container full of pens[/li][li]Bottle of Germ-X[/li][li]Bottle of Naproxen Sodium[/li][li]Bottle of Centrum vitamins[/li][li]Tube of mint-vanilla chapstick[/li][li]Empty tin of breathmints full of ephedra pills[/li][li]Toenail clippers[/li][li]Bottle opener/corkscrew with a folding blade[/li][li]Wristwatch[/li][li]Silver ring with a celtic leaf pattern[/li][li]Keychain with all my keys[/li][li]Garden State DVD[/li][li]Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home special edition DVD[/li][li]Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers DVD[/li][li]Lord of the Rings: Return of the King DVD[/li][li]Two adult DVDs[/li][li]Donnie Brasco DVD, sleeve, and envelope from Netflix[/li][li]Goodfellas DVD, sleeve, and envelope from Netflix[/li][li]Paradise Road Brasco DVD, sleeve, and envelope from Netflix[/li][li]Dirty Pretty Things DVD, sleeve, and envelope from Netflix[/li][li]DVDR with episodes of Lost, Joan of Arcadia, JAG, Desperate Housewives, Boston Legal, and Enterprise from the first week of January on it[/li][li]Last month’s rent bill[/li][li]A bill from the orthopedic surgeon’s office in Salem[/li]An empty 20 fl oz. bottle of Coca Cola with Lime[/ol]
Oh, yeah. I forgot a Hot Wheels dragster and a miniature ceramic kitten.
My tower is beneath my desk and serves as a convenient footrest.
Sweet Jesus, do I have a lot of crap on my desk.
Then again, my desk comes with a hutch, giving me several additional levels for storage.
On the desk itself:
[ul][li]Monitor[/li][li]Speakers[/li][li]Optical mouse[/li][li]Keyboard (on a sliding shelf under the desk)[/li][li]Water glass[/li][li]Homestar Runner paper coaster (under water glass)[/li][li]CD for The Punisher computer game.[/li][li]portable CD player[/li][li]a pad of note paper[/li][li]a cup for pens and pencils[/li][li]three pencils[/li][li]467,209 pens (two of which still work)[/li][li]Scissors[/li][li]Ruler[/li][li]Scotch tape[/li][li]Stapler[/li][li]Calculator[/li][li]Address book[/li][li]Newsletter for my singles group[/li][li]Some coupons for Burger King. They expire tomorrow. They’ll still be there a month from now.[/li][li]A list of movies I’m going to rent eventually. (Man, I’m way behind.)[/li][/ul]
On the hutch:
[ul][li]A sheet of Avery labels with my return adress on them[/li][li]A packet of blank Avery labels[/li][li]An eyeglass cleaning cloth[/li][li]Spray cleaner for eyeglasses[/li][li]Can of compressed air[/li][li]Cleaning wipes[/li][li]Electronic spelling checker (used quite often. My spelling sucks.)[/li][li]Box of envelopes[/li][li]Staples.[/li][li]Book of stamps[/li][li]Box of resume-grade paper[/li][li]Box of envolopes to go with resume paper[/li][li]Near-infinite number of business cards and old Christmas cards crammed into an organizer[/li][li]Some receipts and a few more Christmas cards stuffed into another organizer (Whoever named them “organizers” was a pretty optimistic guy)[/li][li]A street map of Ann Arbor, MI (where did this come from? 
)[/li][li]One extra strip of 3M Command Adhesive.[/li][li]A half-used pack of printer paper[/li][li]A half-used pack of typing paper (Bought in college. Too thin for use in printer, it’s been gathering dust for years. Occasionally I use a sheet for doodling or something.)[/li][li]My printer[/li][li]A small clock[/li][li]A lamp[/li][li]A pencil sharpener[/li][li]A bunch of old floppy disks that haven’t seen the inside of a computer in years.[/li][li]Some CD’s for old games[/li][li]A small booklet giving instructions for building your own kaleidoscope.[/li][li]A cool little globe that I bought on a trip.[/li][li]One of those little glass blocks with a 3-D image inside that you get for like $20. It’s a tiger. Has a lighted base. Kitchy as hell. It’s getting donated to the church garage sale this summer.[/li][li]A compact fluorescent bulb for the lamp. I’ll put it in as soon as the old bulb burns out.[/li][/ul]
Beat that.
My “desk” is actually the alcove for the Buddhist altar but we don’t have one, and I worship my computer anyway! Just on the flace surface is, from right to left:
An out of date not yet paid credit card bill
A speaker
Cotton buds
A notebook with a drawing of a jellyfish
Monitor
Keyboard
Timer
Telephone
Camera
Dental floss
Chocolate wrapper
Wallet with British credit cards only ever used on the Internet
Laminated cards with my students names on
Laminated “clothes” themed ESL card game
Fishing line
Moisturiser
Empty bowl with grape stalks
lamp (not lava, sadly)
highlighter pens
More dental floss!
Mike for the computer
ESL worksheets
Japanese 2nd grade kanji worksheets
Biore pore strips (unused!)
Envelopes
Pingu CD rom
Photo of my kids
Address book
CDs with my English school stuff on them
Mirror
Another credit card bill (Paid, that one!)
And a slipping, sliding pile of papers, mostly kids drawings and English teaching stuff.
And a letter from my four year old, reading
“Dea Mummy I am sorree dat I kikt and puched you. I wil kiss you betar.”
On the desk:
squishy airplane
squishy heart
squishy brain
squishy cell phone
squishy pill
squishy earth
squishy computer
squishy hippo
3 squishy balls (basketball, football and soccer)
water bottle
coffee cup
2 coasters
daffy duck holding a pen that says “whoever has the most pens, WINS”
miniature Scooby doo
miniature Pikachu
small knitted bunny
small jar full of pennies
candle
some bat toy from Burger king
small ceramic piggy bank with my name on it
Sweet Pea hand lotion
small M&M candy dispenser
stapler
staple remover
various colored and lined post it pads
computer monitor
keyboard
mouse
mouse pad
desk blotter
bottle of purell
6 pens
3 legal pads
2 disks
plastic in box with WAY to much stuff in it
4 piles of various stacks of papers
a small American flag
a rubber jack o lantern
small bean bag Browns football
20 paperclips
stress ball
on the credenza:
tiny Baltimore mug
tiny Washington DC mug
tiny Colorado Mug
tiny Walt Disney mug
tiny Los Angeles mug
tiny Arizona mug
tiny San Francisco mug
Arizona shooter
Windsor Shooter
Lake Tahoe shooter
Hilton Head Island shooter
large Bourbon Street mug with 20 pens in it
large Boston mug
large Mede America mug
large Los Angeles mug with plastic flowers in it
mug with buildings on it and 14 pens in it
ceramic snowman
a small glass that says Kiawah
paper punch
phone
clock radio
can of coke
tiny jar with shells and sand from Miami
2 organizer shelves
another in box
stack of papers
7 CD cases
a wood block that has ABC on it with six pens in it
company phone list
At home (the preferred desk 
):
-Computer (duh)
-Printer
-Scanner
-Rubik’s Cube (Will probably forever remain unsolved)
-Two slotted round plastic thingies for holding notes; one has nothing in it, the other has a few fortune cookie fortunes
-A Ren & Stimpy Powdered Toastman figurine (says “Leave Everything to Me!” around the base :D)
-Almost always a mug with an inch of coffee in it somewhere on the desk
-A 12" Abe Sapien figurine posed in an action-like position, his variant head at his feet; head and position periodically change
-Books, CD’s, & various other junk on the shelf at the side of the desk
…that’s pretty much it.
It will have to continue to be from afar, lest you get near enough to infect my desk. You know, like Pig Pen.
I have the normal computer/keyboard/speakers stuff, along with way too many papers, pens, clips, etc…as well as:
-Dilbert calendar
- sunglasses
-slinky
-4 boxes of girl scout cookies, one opened, 3 not
-coiled up extension cord
-empty water glass
-soon to be empty coffee mug
-a bag of trail mix that’s quite old
-an oven-mitt-type-thing from a hotplate of fajitas from a local bar
-2 passport photos taken at kinko’s that I have yet to send in
That reminds me of a quote I heard once:
Slinkys are like people. Not that interesting, but it’s kind of fun to watch one tumble down the stairs. 
I have just this minute got back from a trip to the local garage for supplies, so my desk is unusually covered in consumables.
Half-consumed Twirl bar (ie. one bar left).
1 bottle Schweppes slimline Indian Tonic Water (unopened).
1 pack Princess Marshmallows (so that the Sunday School can get my daughter to stop crying without giving her less safe sweets).
1 pack antidepressants.
1 pill organiser.
1 “Best Husband In The World” mug, w/coffee dregs.
1 Private Eye 40th Anniversary mug, stuffed with scissors, pens, pencils, bits of computer.
1 copy PC Plus magazine (unopened) bought for £5.99, which both me and the bloke behind the till at the garage agreed was a ridiculous amount of money.
1 copy Glasgow Evening Times.
1 copy International Critical Commentary on the book of Job. Borrowed from my Prof.
1 copy
1 empty 90-minute Digital Camcorder cassette case.
1 copy full course notes from last year’s Wisdom classes.
1 curled up scripture from Promise Box, “He that believeth on Me, the works that I do shall he do also”.
1 Wireless Netgear Router, with wireless function turned off in case it fries my noodle.
1 folded & tied polythene Morrison’s bag.
1 notebook with “Notes” written on the front in big letters in case I forget what it’s for.
1 Epson Stylus C44UX printer.
1 telephone line splitter.
1 docking bay for minidisc recorder.
1 USB hub.
1 Epson Perfection 1670 scanner.
1 half-used pack BluTack.
1 copy “Pocket Glasgow”.
2 “Driving Skills” videos.
1 copy “Careers in Information Technology”.
1 copy Prospects Graduate Guide “Making Applications”.
1 copy School of Divinity Undergrad Handbook 2004-2005.
1 Radioshack Answerphone.
1 copy “Directions in Biblical Hebrew Poetry”.
1 copy “Vladimir Propp and the Study of Structure in Hebrew Biblical Narrative.”
1 copy “Introduction to the Old Testament as Scripture”.
1 copy “Biblical Structuralism”.
1 half-assembled air freshener.
Various crumbs.
1 Wireless USB Adapter for laptop.
Various cables.
1 small piece unidentified packaging.
1 Hi-Grade laptop.
A roach Beanie Baby (His name is Scurry, and he comes with a little poem: “I play in the cellar with all of my friends. We laugh, we sing, the fun never ends. I hurry and scurry and hide most of the day. But if you come down, I’ll stay out and play.”)
A Sarcastic Ball (You have a question, I have the answer–today’s answer is “As if.” Tomorrow, it might be “Yeah, right.”)
A bobblehead turtle
Brain stress ball (mmmm, brains…squishy, gooey brains)
A bunny finger puppet, bunny key chain, and a little stuffed bunny
Have the following,
A set of two shelves, with envelopes, staples, tape dispenser, paper clips, pens pencils (in boxes) three black ink cartridges, three kinds of printer paper, a rolodex, a disk player and speakers, one very old book (1808) in a plastic bag, another plastic bag with the manuals for the equipment on the desk.
Computer
External Hard drive
Monitor
Keyboard
Printer
Cable modem
Power back up
A small stack of business cards, a small stack of letters
Several partial books of stamps
Two pair of scissors
A flash card, 512 meg
A thumb drive 256 meg
A MA11 USB reciever
A half dozen plastic covers for stuff like thumb drives, and din connectors.
A whistle
Eight feet of wired candlewick
A plastic bag with the flags of every nation in the world on bamboo skewers
A pen and pencil set, in a box
A glue stick
A stack of plastic cards (Health insurance membership, Kinkos, etc)
Three statuettes from Red Rose Tea
A wooden disk with a tree in bas relief on one face
A Klein bottle
Four wheat pennies and a whistle (the wooooeeeeeee type)
The sender for my mouse
Side table has mouse pad, mouse, a set of chimes and a calculator, two AA batteries, a nail clipper and some trash. It would have a cup of tea, but I ran out of tea last night. Bummer.
There is a bunch of stuff that lives under the desk, as well, Scanner (on the box the printer came in), paper cutter, Shoebox of data CD disks, OED, Stack of new CD disks. A pump for Roho cusions. Box of photo prints. Bundle of bamboo skewers. Trash can.
Tris
“Sic transit gloria mundi. And Tuesday’s usually worse.” ~ Robert A. Heinlein ~
A Klein bottle? How cool is that!
I really do need to clean up my desk here. It’s starting to look like a sysadmin works here, minus the Mountain Dew cans.
22" CRT main monitor
19" CRT “other” monitor
mini PC (like the Mac Mini, but larger, made by HP and ugly)
Keyboard and mouse for this box are on top of the 19" monitor
Two cans of “dusting air”
Tape dispenser
Stapler
Jar of dead AA and AAA batteries
Box (formerly held instant oatmeal packets) of soy sauce, ketchup, mustard, etc packets
18" steel ruler
iPod and headphones
Phone
Headset for phone
Speakers for radio
Tin of Liquorice Altoids
Squishy elephant
Trade show give-away calculator
Large tin of Peppermint Bark candy
Wood coffee mug
Brick of 32x CD-Rs
About a dozen Hershey Kisses
Set of computer re-imaging CDs
Step-by-step printouts showing how to find employee numbers in the mainframe
Giant battery-shaped bank
Badges from trade shows
Work papers
On the credenze behind me:
Laptop case
Magic 8-Ball
Two rainbow plastic slinkies from trade shows
Cheep and cheezy backpack from a vendor
Trebuchet
Information security books
Short orange traffic cone
Inflatable “world” beach ball with amusingly bad US city labeling - San Diago, Not Folk, Farqo and Galvesto?
Old-style countertop “ring for service” bell
Large black ceramic plant pot with no plant
I saw it. I have a 6 year old boy…I assumed it was a Matchbox or HotWheels car until you said it wasn’t really there.
Telephone
Printer
Fax machine
Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Islam
Poker for Dummies
Chase’s Calendar of Events 2005
Box of Kleenex
Fake Rolex watch
Red Epi Leather Louis Vuitton wallet
Louis Vuitton Day timer
Address book
One of my client’s CV’s
A client folder
Eiffel tower lamp from Target
Voodoo doll with pins
Autographed photo of Peter Noone
A University of Cincinnati mug with pencils, pens, etc.
I forgot to mention the piece of petrified turtle dung.
Polished on one side.
Tris
Wow! I panicked for a minute, when I realized that my pieces of Trinitite were not on the desk under the monitor. A frenzied search has revealed that they must have been knocked under the shelf when I was cleaning up.
Whew.
Tris