What's so hard about just shutting up?

The BBQ Pit
1

You’ve been doing this, some of you, for what, 10 years or more? And I’m sure that before that, you at least watched some event broadcasts, didn’t you? It just seems like you’d have some feeling for how this shit works by now.

See, what happens is that Mr. President, or Ms. Important or the young sensation we’ve all been waiting to hear from will walk to the podium. And then they will start to talk. You can tell they’re talking because their lips are moving and sounds are coming from their faces.

Let me splain this in simple terms: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE THEY START TALKING.

I do realize that you hate dead air, but heh — you’re not on radio. You’re on televsion. It isn’t necessary that the noises you make fill every moment of time. It won’t be the end of the world if there are two fucking seconds of blessed fucking silence before the featured speaker speaks. We have pictures to entertain us while we wait.

It just seems like it’d be so easy. You’re a talking head, and you’re coordinating other talking heads while we all wait on the news conference, speech, or announcement. When you see the VIP step into the picture, just shut up. JUST ZIP IT. JUST SHUT YOU’RE FUCKING PIE HOLE.

Better yet, fuck the talking heads. Where’s the damn executive producer or director? JUST TURN OFF THE FUCKING MICROPHONE OF THE CLUELESS ASSHOLE WHO WON’T SHUT UP. Switch the sound patch to the VIP’s microphone. Simple. Done. No problemo.

The hell with this, “Jane, you ignorant slut, I’m going to have to cut you off because our Very Important Person is stepping up to the microphone, and from the looks of the situation, what with his mouth moving and everything, it’s likely that he is speaking even now as I speak. Therefore, rather than you and I continuing our conversation, which was interesting but to which we can return any goddamn time we feel like it, howsabout I recede from the forefront at this time and allow our viewers to hear what our Very Important Person is saying as he stands at the microphone speaking the words we’ve all been waiting for hours, nay for days, to hear him speak, a fact that should not surprise us considering that we’ve known for some time now that his arrival was eminent — excuse me, I misspoke; I meant to say imminent, not eminent — and so why don’t we listen in now to hear what the Very Important Person has to say…”

“…and so, that is my plan. Thank you all. God bless you. And God bless, America.”

“…Well, there you have it, Jane. He didn’t give us as much detail as we’d have liked, but he did bless us. And then he blessed America.”

You son of a fucking bitch! What the hell is wrong with you? Why can’t you just shut the fuck up!?

Yes, yes, I know I can watch C-Span. But it’s not in high def or wide screen. So fuck you in advance with respect to the Inauguration. I’m sure it won’t make a bit of fucking difference, but just so you know, the oath will be taken at about one minute until noon. If you wanted to SHUT THE FUCK UP at around 11:58:30 or so, it would be just peachy keen and no one will turn the fucking channel.

Okay?

2

You know, the concept that THEY ARE NOT THE NEWS would never even occur to some of these talking heads.

3

This is why I plan to watch the inauguration (a) on the local cable news station, NECN, that actually shuts its talking heads up and lets the VIP roll on unblathered-over (it showed an uncut, uneditorialized-upon FIVE-PLUS-MINUTE swath of Obama’s speech today at the Lincoln Memorial – on its late-afternoon half-hour newscast) or, failing that (b) streaming live online at whatever site carries it without the intrusion of any talking heads.

4

This reminds me of why I like to watch the Canadian stations broadcast the Olympics. We can watch the same event much more enjoyably because the Canadians don’t blather on and on and on…

5

Liberal, do me a favor, and just shut the fuck up! :slight_smile:

6

Didn’t you know that us dumb average folk can’t possibly understand what is going on unless the talking heads explain it to us? And our attention spans are so bad that they have to explain it while it’s going on…:rolleyes:

7

Watch C-Span for the first minute, then switch to the full HD glory of your preferred station.

8

Similar to a previous post of mine about play-by-play announcers during televised sporting events. I’m watching the fucking game. I don’t need to know that player “A” just passed the puck to player “B” because, I’M WATCHING THE FUCKING GAME. Oh, really? It was a shot on net? I’d never have guessed it from watching THE FUCKING GAME. Shut up and let me watch THE FUCKING GAME.

News anchors are superfluous too. How bad would it be just to watch the individual news reports without Kent Brockman doing his little set-up routine in between each? It all harks back to radio days when you needed the delineation. I think we’re all familiar enough with moving pictures now to get rid of the incessant and constant banter. Fuck.

9

Turn on your high def TV, mute the sound, and listen to your NPR radio station.

10

I might watch the Inauguration on BBC-America; I get better reporting on US news from the Brits than I do from CNN.

11

I recommend this image be emblazoned on their forehead with a soldering iron:

12

Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: Southern US
Posts: 37,186

:wink:

13

Yeah, but I don’t post while someone else is posting.

:smiley:

14

Had a great riposte for this but I’d rather show how easy it is to shut-up instead.

See? :cool:

15

BTW, this is hardly the venue to say this, but as old timers to old timers in every sense, surely you won’t mind a bit of thread-drift.

I’ve read others say as much, but I thought I’d tell you myself. IIRC, you and I made peace long ago…not before going a few rounds, granted, but hey, nothing wrong with a bit of wrappling! However, much beyond that, it’s taken me some time – and lots of caution – to really believe in this ‘new’ you. I mean, smarts you’ve always had, but hot damn if you haven’t come around a lot in your politics! Yes, I know, I realize you have your own nuanced views of why you chose Obama and they don’t necessarily match my own…but we’re on the same side!

Great to have you on-board, Big Guy, or vice-versa if that’s how it works. But I surmise we’re both looking forward to the next eight years with great anticipation. May we all live to seem them.

Best,

~Red

PS-See, that wasn’t so bad, huh? Or are you like that 'luc wiseguy that just hates any sort of praise, faint as it may be? :wink:

16

I remember watching some breaking news as a child of the then President (don’t recall which one) about to give a speech or press conference and no lie, the “reporter” narrated the President’s walk to the podium. “President X is now walking to the podium to speak to the American people on this [insert weekday name here] morning…”

That’s all I remember. I have to agree with Liberal–they need to just STFU.

17

Yeah, it was weird, wuddenit. :wink:

I knew you’d all like liberalism once you saw it in action.

I’m a firm believer in the Janis Joplin philosophy: “Get it while you can.”

18

Coming up next, I’m going to SHUT THE FUCK UP! But first, let’s see a picture of the “Terminator” robot. That’s cool! And that is coming to you live, from Newsforce.

[/snl]

19

The point was never brought home to me so much as in the '96 Olympics. It was during the closing ceremonies, and some skateboarders were doing a demonstration. The reporters were doing the jabbawabba incessantly, and in my brain I was screaming at them to STFU. And then it happened. A few seconds of blessed, blessed silence. It was like the rush of pleasure you get when you pull a tent stake out of your nasal cavity.

Reporter 1: “Hardly… needs… any commentary at all!”

One second of silence.

Reporter 2: “That’s right, Jim.”

You’ll be glad that I hunted those fuckers down and strangled them with their own tongues.

20

My hero.