That is classic!!! Hilarious!
“Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.” – Emerson
Some come here to sit and think
Some come here to shit and stink
I come here to scratch my balls
And read the writing on the walls
-Unknown
::d&R::
I love this thread. I have a hobbie of writing down quotes that seem interesting to me. I have about 3 journals full.
Lets seee…
Some of my favorites…or “clever” ¬_¬
Bare with me though, I have no idea who said these, lol.
-“I’m sorry, but the future is coming wether you’re ready or not.”
-“Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean their not after you.”
-“Don’t tell me what I want to hear.”
-o0o0o this is Pink Floyd, I remembered one!
“Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you give and tears you’ll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be”
-“Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans” - John Lennon
-“If you aren’t remembered, then you never existed”
-“Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real”
ANNNNDDDD
My #1 favorite…drum roll
-“You don’t fool me.”
I think some of the cleverest ones are the “disses”.
Dr Samual Johnson, in a historical put-down of a manuscript he received from a writer:
“Your manuscript is both good and original;but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.”
And the following exchange between George Bernard-Shaw and Churchill:
I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend - if you have one.
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second - if there is one.
- Winston Churchill, in reply
“This book fills a much needed gap.”
Oh yes, and Groucho’s wonderful:
“From the moment I picked up this book until the moment I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.”
Sent to me recently…
“There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t”.
IIRC, MSFT didn’t become public until the late 80’s.
In the late 70’s they were just a nobody.
“God? I give him 50-50. He may exist, he may not. I don’t bother him.”
Cecil Rhodes
There’s a lot of good ones here, but I have to go with…
“Hell is other people.” – Jean Paul Sartre
Another Dorothy Parker: When asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence, Parker replied: “You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.”
In a similar vein, here’s an exchange attributed to George Bernard Shaw at an exclusive dinner party:
He: Tell me, madam, would you sleep with me for a million pounds?
She: Show me a million pounds, sir, and I’ll consider it.
He: Would you sleep with me for a shilling?
She: Sir! What do you take me for?
He: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re haggling about now is the price.
A reporter once asked Shaw how it felt to turn 90. Shaw replied that it felt fine, compared to the alternative.
One last quote, which is variously attributed to Shaw or Churchill: “Democracy is the worst form of government there is … except for all the others.”
“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance- that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”
Herbert Spencer
Ghandi was asked, “What do you think of Western civilization?”
“I think it would be a good idea.”
“Weaselling out of things is an important skill to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”
-Homer Simpson
“Of course, everything looks bad if you remember it!”
Homer Simpson
“Now look sad and say doh”
Homer’s brain.
“doh”
Homer
A tongue as sharp as guillotine! 
In 1842, Charles Napier conquered Sind (an area in India) for the British, with a force of around 2800 against many thousands. Mindful that telegraph companies charged by the word, his telegram announcing the victory said simply of “Peccavi” – Latin for “I have sinned.”
My post about a one-word telegram has one word too many. Please omit the final “of”.
(Must preview.)