It is arbitrary, and the way we discover what is socially acceptable is by talking to others and determining what the norms are. They are determined by consensus.
To me, saying “Sitting in an empty or nearly empty coffee house for 3 hours on only one purchase is rude” is like saying “tipping less than 40% on a meal is rude”. If someone tells me that the convention is 40% and I’m a cheap bastard for tipping 20%, I am going to want some evidence from them that that IS the convention.
My understanding of the convention is
[ul]
[li]Always buy something when you get there, or when your party gets there[/li][li]Don’t camp out if they place is crowded enough that others might need your seat.[/li][/ul]
Provided those things are true, I just don’t see it as rude.
[ul]
[li]Try to show up 10 minutes before your shift to insure a smooth shift change.[/li][li]If someone needs to trade shifts, help out if you can.[/li][li]Discourage friends/relatives from stopping by just to chat.[/li][li]Don’t hit on coworkers.[/li][/ul]
I don’t disagree with you about the convention- I do disagree with the idea that the problem with the “one purchase per hour” is that it’s arbitrary. The problem is that there doesn’t appear to be a consensus about " one purchase per hour" - if there were, it would be just as arbitrary but it would still be the norm.
And while I don’t disagree with you about the convention - I do disagree with a earlier poster who would never return if the staff gave him “stinkeye” ( by which I assume he meant indications that he should leave) with absolutely no qualifications about when he would do so, such as if they gave him the “stinkeye” when the place was empty. At the point where the staff want you to leave, it’s rude to stay. Now of course, that poster can take his business elsewhere,for whatever reason he wants to - but that poster seemed to believe it was somehow inappropriate for the staff to indicate he should leave under any circumstances.
And of course to others saying it is okay to camp out for three hours on one coffee is like saying tips are optional and 10% is generous, and similarly would want evidence.
As you said we find out what is the norm by talking to others and getting a sense of consensus. Not by assuming that it is impossible that you can be outside what the consensus is.
There may not be a firm consensus. Then at least hearing the range of what people think is polite and what is rude informs and individuals decide which way they want to potentially err.
I will go out on a limb and say that someone who feels that they have a right to camp out for many hours and would boycott a place for asking them to clear a space for active customers (or merely looking at them funny for doing it) is likely outside the broad consensus. And an hour nursing the one drink is clearly fine to do. In between opinions vary based on specifics of space and how busy.
I think the bolded is key. Honestly, I think it’s mostly about not making the place unattractive to potential new customers. So if the place is completely empty, and you make it look more inviting by sipping your mocha, then you are fine, even if you bought that mocha 3 hours ago. If the place is packed and people are peering in the door wondering if they will be able to sit down, then I think you should leave when you are done. (or when it becomes crowded.)
Interesting, I’ve never heard it before this thread. But that seems like a reasonable rate of purchase if the place is full-ish.
There’s a coffee shop by my train station. My husband drops me off to catch my train, and picks me up in the evening when I return. I usually buy a coffee in the morning if I have time before my train arrives, mostly because I want it to stay in business. (It’s also good coffee.) I don’t hang out, because I need to catch my train. I but coffee fairly often, carry a loyalty card, chat a bit with the staff, you know, I’ve become a morning regular.
But I can’t drink coffee in the evening, and they don’t really sell anything else I like. So if the weather is nasty and I need to wait for a while for my husband to pick me up in the evening, I’ll wait inside WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING. They haven’t shooed me away yet. (or even noticed that I’m there, as far as I can tell.) It’s never super-crowded in the evening. I don’t feel guilty, or even rude, doing this.
Very interesting responses. The place I’m thinking of going to tends to do a lot of their business by take out during the day but then becomes more of a gathering place in the later afternoon and evening. So, I’ll probably be fine for a couple of hours. And maybe I’ll get a sparkling water after my coffee. A coffeehouse isn’t really like a bar, I get quite annoyed when someone is taking up a seat at the bar and nursing one drink when it’s packed. But most people aren’t going to drink multiple lattes like they would have 2-3 beers.
And yes, anything beats the sterile interior of a hotel room.
I don’t remember exactly where I was, but I was sitting at a crowded bar, drinking beer but mostly watching the bartender who was amazing; juggling bottles, pouring behind his back, building fancy drinks, etc. After about one too many beers I still was enjoying watching him, so I just tossed him $2 each time he went by me.
I’d be genuinely surprised if they *hadn’t *spent a good chunk of change looking very carefully at how their store design and environment affects bottom line. I remember hearing back in the 80’s how McDonalds intentionally designed their seating to be just barely comfortable enough to sit through a meal, but uncomfortable enough that most people wouldn’t want sit there much longer.
I suspect coffee houses don’t rely on quick customer turnover like a fast food or breakfast joint does.
When was that, exactly? It has been considered extremely rude not to leave a tip (except for poor service) of at least 15% for pretty much my entire lifetime (or at least since I was in high school in the 1960s).
I’ve noticed that a lot of Starbucks in Chicago have removed a lot of seating and are using the space to display coffee beans for sale and other merchandise. Of course, most of these Starbucks are definitely grab and go places. The one down the street from me in my residential neighborhood still has plenty of seating.
*The stranger ordered two coffees, but the waiter protested that at midday one does not reserve the best table in the house merely in order to drink coffee; the patron had to pay the rent, monsieur! *
― John le Carré, Smiley’s People
Starbucks has a policy where you can get free refills on a purchase made within the store (as opposed to just bringing an old Starbucks cup from the outside). So that doesn’t exactly encourage people to keep buying coffee.
This cafe in London has taken this line of thinking to its logical conclusion and is charging customers by the minute. You get as much coffee and cake etc as you want, and they bill you for the time spent on the premises. The article dates back to 2014, but the prices seem reasonable to me - much less than one drink per hour would be. Personally, I think it’s a great idea.