kittenblue, I say again “Amateur!”
Something like that! In addition to the fact that hair that’s flying all over the place is more likely to pick stuff up from other kids than hair that’s neatly tied up and out of the way.
Another in the annals of “Low moments in parenting”…
My son was a toddler, small enough to still have to ride in a car seat but big enough to be willful and ornery. I was trying to get him into his car seat one day and he was pitching a holy fit. I went through the routine, telling him calmly that he didn’t have a say in the matter – he had to be buckled in. Then he slapped me in the face. I was fuming, but I grabbed his hands and told him firmly, “No! We don’t hit.” I let go of his hands so I could finish buckling him in, and he looked me straight in the eye and slapped me again. I said, “This is what it feels like to be hit.” And I slapped him back. It was more of a smack than a slap, but he was so astonished his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Then he really did scream bloody murder. I was horrified at what I’d done. But that was the last time he hit me or anyone else, as far as I know.
And some of those things are alive.
I think that’s why “mean” is in quotes. It’s not like the OP is saying, “Tell me about the time you abused your kid.” It’s just when you’ve had to do something that’s meaner than you would’ve liked.
I think of it as something that might make the kid say “You’re mean!”
Before I have kids, I need to learn how to do this. I’m such a pushover with kids.
My then 14 year old son got himself kicked off the school bus for a week. Due to our work schedules, there was no way the (stbx) wife or I could deliver him to school at a reasonable time before school. The only choice was for me to drop him off at his school about 2 hours before school started. Fortunately for him, there were a few teachers that showed up early so he didn’t have to wait outside. On the last day of his punishment, he decided to not wait for me to pick him up because I was running a few minutes late. He walked the 8 miles home. He was on his best behavior the rest of the year when it came to riding the bus.
My mom became convinced that kids in the church nursery didn’t understand that biting actually hurt people. They just liked the fuss it caused. She bit them just enough to get their attention and get it across (with explanation) that it hurts. It put some empathy into them.
Your MOM actually bit the kids back??? I realize you don’t mean hard, or leaving mark… but still. As the parent, I would be SERIOUSLY pissed to hear that another person bit my child to teach them a lesson. Granted, it was a lesson they needed to learn, but that is MY job to teach child.
I have a friend whose child was a biter. EVERY member of the child care team including the nursery school caregivers is engaged in the process of disciplining against this behavior.
To say you disagree with the method, I get. To say no one may discipline the child but YOU is both absurd and impossible, if you choose to use a caregiver.
I still get sick thinking about this but what’s a mom to do?
Finally-Boy had a 4th birthday party scheduled at Chucky Cheese. He was still waiting too long and too involved in play to get to the bathroom on time. At least twice a week he would poop his pants. I had had it and warned the party would be canceled if it happened again. It happened again and I wavered and let it go but made it clear the next time I would cancel for sure. Sure enough, it happened again. Sure enough, his party was canceled.
But you know what? It never happened again.
Not me, but my own mother:
My sister was a biter when she was a kid. One day, my mom got so fed up with it that she bit my sister back, so that she could see how it felt. Sister never bit anyone again.
My brother was an angry little kid who used to throw regular tantrums at the slightest provocation. My mother’s solution to this was to shut him in the garage until he stopped. That way he could scream and cry all he wanted, but in a place where he wouldn’t bother the rest of us.
As for me, I wasn’t really badly behaved…just sort of weird. When I was around 3 or 4, I had the complete inability to answer any sort of question. If you asked me what color the sky was, I’d be at a loss for about five minutes. The thing was, I was so afraid of getting the answer wrong that either I wouldn’t answer at all, or I’d give an answer I thought the asker wanted to hear. One time, my mother decided she wanted to test this. So she asked me “Maiira, do you want a spanking?”
I nodded eagerly and said “uh-huh!”
Well, what else could she do? She grabbed me and gave me a swat. She then said “now do you want a spanking?”
I looked at her, confused, and say “…yes?”
She swatted me again. Asked me the same question. Now almost in tears, I choke “…yes??”
This repeats for another few minutes. Finally, when she couldn’t take it anymore, she grabbed me by the arms and shouted “MAIIRA, YOU DON’T WANT A SPANKING. JUST. SAY. NO.” She asked me again if I wanted a spanking, and I sobbed “NO!”
Like I said: weird, weird little kid.
Boarding school.
My kid is 14, steals, lies, has a total disregard for other people’s property, and is generally out of control.
This is the level of supervision he needs, and gives us all a break from each other, so I’m not continually pissed off at him and he gets a chance to start over and break this pattern of behaviour.
It’s not, you know, a Siberian concentration camp or anything, it’s a nice school with heaps to do and - importantly - near 24/7 supervision. But I’m “mean” for sending him there, so I hear.
Oh well, if it keeps him out of jail. shrug
Sorry to be a downer. I miss my cute little boy and wonder who this teenager is in my house. 
Gleena,
My once and present wife had to do the same thing with our son, and for the same reasons, but maybe not caused by the same thing?
He was ADD (still is) and was on Ritalin, etc.
We were fortunate that our Archdiocese supported The Villag Of St. Joseph (sorry, could not find a website) near Atlanta.
He went there during the week and we picked him up on weekends.
We couldn’t really afford it at the time so we were glad they had a sliding scale.
Sometimes all you can do just isn’t enough, is it?
Quasi
You’d be right there, Quasi. He does have a diagnoses, but I refuse to let that be his excuse.
To lighten it up a little, he’s had a stuffed lamb since he was six months old, named Bobby. Bobby went everywhere. Bobby was loved to the point of losing stuffing, and two of four limbs.
I took Bobby away for cleaning and repair, and lo, the world did end. The shrieking went on for HOURS, despite me trying to explain to him (he was about four) that Bobby would surely be back soon. He wouldn’t listen.
So I told him Bobby was in the hospital, and would probably live, but only if he went away and thought happy, QUIET thoughts - maybe if he thought happily enough and quietly enough, Bobby’s legs would grow back.
Peace and quiet ensued. Bobby’s legs did, in fact, grow back (thanks, Grandma!) and we all lived happily ever after, until now.
"To say you disagree with the method, I get. To say no one may discipline the child but YOU is both absurd and impossible, if you choose to use a caregiver. "
After seeing your response, I saw the error in what I said. Of COURSE others may discipline my child if I am not there, or present to the incident. I would, and HAVE expected it on many occasions. (both my kids have spent a fair amount of time in a daycare situation.) I was meaning that no one can bite my child. That is what I found out of line. Sorry for the confusion!:smack:
Agreed it is a freakin weird/presumptuous thing to do to someone else’s child! Gotcha!
This morning, we went to the beach. This is something of a Big Deal, because my husband fries in the sun very easily, and hates the beach, and I don’t want to go with three small non-swimmers (not all of whom are yet solid on obeying verbal instructions) by myself. The last time we went was nearly a year ago.
It was probably about 50 minutes trip door-to-beach … get on a tram, change in the middle of the city, change to a bus later on (they were digging up the line, apparently). We got there about 11.
Wandered down to the beach, started sorting ourselves out. Shoes off, buckets and spades out. The Smaller Girl sat down on the side of the wall between the beach and the footpath. A little yellow stream started running down the wall…
Aaaaargh!
This is something we’ve been having a LOT of trouble with, with her. She’s four. She’s been going to the toilet for 11 months. She knows VERY well how to say “Mummy I need to do a wee”. There was a toilet block not fifty steps away which we’d walked straight past in getting to the sand. Basically, she just doesn’t really give a rats about having a wet butt.
However, she did give a rats about being marched over to the toilet block to do the rest of her business, changed into new clothes (her swimsuit, in fact - it was all we had) and put straight back on the bus with her dad to go home again.
Apparently she was Very Very Quiet on the trip back.
The rest of us stayed about 2 hours. We had a nice time.
Ah, yes; we were on a family vacation at the beach one year, when MiniWhatsit (middle girl child, aged 4 or so at the time) threw a sand shovel at her brother and refused to apologize. So I promptly marched her back to our rental unit, rinsed the sand off of her, and put her down for a nap. She wailed the entire time, but I stood firm. She still talks about the time she missed out on “a WHOLE DAY AT THE BEACH” (actually about 30 minutes at the beach, which is how much longer everyone else stayed) because she threw a shovel.
The thing is, I am kind of a pushover type of person and if she had even given the lamest possible excuse for an apology, I would have let it pass and she could have stayed. But she was stubborn, and I was stubborn, so that’s how it played out.
You are paying the nursery school to teach your children. You should have taught them that before it became a problem, but yes, if parents haven’t been able to teach their children manners (which may simply be because the kid doesn’t have that specific bad behavior in the house, and not trhough any fault of the parents), then the teacher has to. A toothless bite is much, much more efficient than a timeout when the problem is that the kid doesn’t understand why is she being told “don’t bite.”
No doubt my mother meant me well, but what happened still make me uneasy about authorities till this today.
When I was 4 or 5, I visited a shop with my mum that was selling earrings, combs and associated stuff. At the front of the store is a tall, thin metal shift on wheels where various items were hooked on the frame. I was looking through the items when I must have gave the thing a slight push. The whole shelf fell away from me with a gigantic crash and everyone was looking at me.
As the sales assistant lifted the shelf up, my mum asked her, “Do you want to call the police?”
I don’t know, looking back, an apology from me would suffice (I didn’t make a sound back then, just dazed). At least from then on I am extremely careful with store merchandise.