I was connected to an IRC network minding my own business tonight when someone messaged me offering me a story. I accepted his offer and here is what I got. I left the formatting as is and changed his nickname to x.
WARNING! It’s a sad story.
<x> once upon a time
<x> lived a pretty female cat named pussy
<x> pussy was pink and fluffy
<x> and she loved cream more than anything in the world
<x> pussy used to live with an old sweet woman named maggy
<x> maggy loved pussy like a daughter
<x> but one day, tragedy struck
<x> and maggy died of old age
<x> pussy cried and cried for days
<x> she didn’t want to leave the dead body of maggy
<x> but maggy’s body started to decompose and the smell of the rotten flesh soon was too strong for pussy to stand
<x> so she left the house and walked
<x> she walked and walked and walked
<x> as the day passed, she got very dirty and her beautiful pink color was covered by an ugly grey color that wouldn’t come off
<x> no matter how hard pussy licked herself, she couldn’t get the dirt off her hair
<x> people who saw her all said: look at this ugly grey cat
<x> let’s kick him
<x> and kick her they did
<x> until one day, someone broke her ribs, and grabbed her tail and smashed her head into a wall
<x> and so died pussy
<x> The End
<x> So, what’s the moral of this story?
I couldn’t come up with anything else than: don’t kick cats in the ribs. Maybe you can. Any volunteers?
My first thought is that it’s a dirty joke of some kind and there’s a naughty pun coming as the “moral of the story.” It’s got a pink pussy who loves cream; sounds straight out of Ron Jeremy’s Fairy Tales.
Then again, I was just talking on the phone with an *extremely *oversexed friend of mine, so I could just be in that “mode.”
Anyway, while that’s what I’m thinking, I can’t come up with any good pun out of it, so maybe I’m totally wrong. Heck, maybe the dude just made it up to jerk your chain; no telling.
Or maybe the moral is No matter how many horrible things happen to you, don’t let your age show, because people will bash your brains out if they think you’re old.
No matter how beautiful, safe, warm and lucky you start out, the world will take your protectors away, make you ugly, cause you great pain and ultimately, your death. It’s the meaning of life, or something. If you’re pessimistic.
Once you get past the nasty smell and the dirty hair, its sweet pink pussy?
Yeah, theres gotta be some clever pun here somewhere. Too much set-up for there not to be. Reminds me of a punchline to a long-winded joke, not worth repeating, so heres the money-shot:
Two obese fattys, Special Ross, Lester Breeze pickin’ bunions on the Sesame Street Bus.
Knock yourselves out!
But, Honey! It ain’t cheatin’ if I’m wishin’ it was you when I’m doin’ it!
“Life is a toil, and love is a trouble,
Beauty will fade, and riches will flee;
Pleasures they dwindle, and prices they double,
And nothing is as I would wish it to be…”