The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss.
Flips coin
I’ve never bet anything on a coin toss.
Not a bet exactly, but the chance to be up on stage presenting at WWDC 2008. (There were three of us, one was a given, and the other two of us flipped a coin.)
Now… the coin-flip was over the phone (I was at home, they were at work late), so I can’t say for sure that it was a fair toss, but I called it on my side, and they flipped it on their side…
(For the curious, this is the video of the other two guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13A2Ac5Mpns)
Back when they were introducing the State Quarters series, the woman I was seeing was dividing her attention between me and an old friend of mine.
We all three showed up at a dance club, things got strange and it was only later that I sobered up and realized how much I’d lost.
Yes, I lost my little darling, the night we were playing, the beautiful Tennessee toss.
Just saying.
Nothing, but it does remind me of a story about Australian billionaire Kerry Packer. He was well known for his high stakes gambling and although he insisted that he was a winner I don’t imagine he was because he ended up buying into casinos.
Supposedly while playing at the Mirage in Las Vegas Packer was annoyed by the attitude of a Texan millionaire who was attention seeking. He told Packer that he too was a big gambler because he was a wealthy man. Packer asked him how much he was worth. The Texan said “$100 million”. Packer pulled out a coin and said, “I’ll toss you for it.” And the Texan headed off elsewhere.
CEO of Mirage Resorts, Bobby Baldwin, confirmed the story with the Las Vegas Review Journal’s Norm Clark two days after Packer’s death.
I remember once I tried to explain to my 6yo niece the concept of betting on horse races. (We had plans to go the horse races next day) She couldn’t undetstand why the horse track just doesn’t give you money even if your horse loses.
So I pulled out a quarter and I pulled out a dollar.
I handed her the dollar and said: “Here, this is yours. Now, I’m gonna flip this coin and you tell me what it’s going to land on. If you’re right, I’ll give you another dollar. If you’re wrong, you have to give me back that dollar.”
Flips coin.
“Heads!”
Sure enough, she got it. Which is unfortunate for me because I still haven’t got through to her the concept of betting. So me being the genius that I am; I decided to match another two dollars to her two. My intent was to wipe her out so the lesson of betting would sink in.
Flips again. Dammit!! She called it right again!!
So now I’m matching another four to the four she’s already won off of me.
Would you believe this little brat kept calling them until I’m out $20!!
I had to stop at 20 because thats all the money I had in my pocket!! :smack:
Needless to say my little plan wasn’t all that well thought out.
Perhaps not, but it sure is funny.
The bill for a dinner with several friends. About $150, I suppose.
It was in March of 2007. Some backstory - my stepson, from my ill-fated marriage to a wealthy, older woman, always resented me. Looking back on it now, he had good reason for doing so. I was always cruel to him; I used to whip his behind with a cane when he misbehaved; I blatantly favoured his younger half-brother (my own biological son) in any given situation. And he hated the fact that I spent a lot of his mother’s money on expensive paintings, clothes and furniture, and that I had carried on a few not-so-discreet affairs.
When he was 15, he and I got into a physical scrap and I knocked the stuffing out of him; shortly thereafter, he left home and traveled far away. Not long afterwards, my own son died and I slipped into a bleak depression. I spent most of my time drinking and losing money at the gambling table.
So one day, I was passed out in the back room of my regular tavern, sleeping off half a bottle of gin. All of a sudden I feel the tip of a cane underneath my chin. It’s my stepson, prodding me to wake up. He’s returned home, and he says he demands “satisfaction” for the wrongs I’ve done him. Can you believe it? He actually wants to challenge me to a duel! With actual pistols! We go out into a nearby churchyard, accompanied by some other men who are there to enforce the rules of the duel and provide the pistols.
A coin is tossed to determine who will have first fire. For those of you unfamiliar with this concept - the loser of the coin toss has to stand at ten paces and receive the winner’s fire. (If he misses you, well, then it’s your turn and the other guy has to stand there.) Well, my arrogant stepson calls “heads,” and sure enough, the coin is heads-up. :eek: I have to stand there on the line 10 paces away from him. I’m praying that the idiot misses so that I can finally shoot him, like I’ve always wanted to.
Well, my moron stepson hasn’t even got his pistol cocked for half a second when - BOOM - the gun discharges into the ground. He had his finger on the trigger and he’d inadvertently fired his pistol. That counted as his shot, so now it’s my turn. But - I see his pathetic face and think about how scared the poor prick must be, and I just can’t bring myself to shoot him. I aim my pistol at the ground and fire; in other words, I spare his life.
You would think that he’d be thankful for this and that he would consider the duel settled, but NO. He demands that I stand to receive his fire again, and being a gentleman, I am not about to break the rules of the duel, even if I have just realized that I made a horrible mistake by not shooting him. So I’m standing there, wondering what he’s going to do - wondering if he really has it in him to shoot his own stepfather. The second begins counting…Three…Two…BOOOM!!!
He shoots me in the leg.
I had to have emergency surgery and the doctor had no choice but to amputate. Unbelievable! Now I’m a worthless cripple, hobbling around (drunk half the time anyway) and I can’t even concentrate on playing cards anymore because of the pain from my damn leg…all because of that lousy goddamn coin toss! If it had just been “Tails,” I would have had the first fire and I swear to God I would have killed him right then and there!
My, Argent, you do have a penchant for the fantastic. Which comedian is this story from? 
Does it matter? They’re all equal.
Off topic, but I once taught my niece how to play poker. I figured it would be easy money*. How hard is it to beat a kid?
As it turns out, you can’t really bluff someone who doesn’t understand the rules. She kicked my ass.
*Not real money. Just pennies.
Serious question, Argent–are you diagnosed somewhere on the autism spectrum?
I’ve never seen anyone fixate as much as you.
What the hell kind of question is that? No, I’m not diagnosed anywhere on any spectrum - I was just trying to add a little cult-film reference to an already light-hearted thread which is itself obviously a take-off of No Country For Old Men.
So many people believed, and reacted negatively to, my last Barry Lyndon story, I thought that it would be funny to write another one (knowing now that people are aware the last one was a joke.)
It’s not like recurring in-jokes are never referenced on this board.
People got mad because you were passing off a fake story in a thread requesting ACTUAL stories. Then you did it again. It’s not funny - it’s annoying.
There’s a difference between this board and just you.