What's the scariest thing in your fridge?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I ask because I was looking for the tartar sauce the other night and I found a small half-empty carton of milk dated February 17.

I looked at it for a few seconds, with the following train of thought: “Wow, I wonder how gross this is. Probably pretty nasty. Maybe I should sniff it. What, are you stupid? Don’t sniff it. Just throw it away. But I wonder how bad it could be. Curious, curious, curious… just say no. Toss it. Oh, wait, it’s trash night and the can outside isn’t by the house, it’s down at the street. It’s kinda late, don’t really want to go down there in my pajamas right now. I’ll take care of this tomorrow after the can comes back up to the house. So back into the cooler with you, nasty old milk, until the morrow.” And back on the shelf it went.

Of course, being the absent-minded guy I am, I forgot about it until something in the fridge here at work reminded me of it about an hour ago. So it’s still there. —making mental note—

Anybody else have any “science projects” hiding behind that big container of orange juice or between the mustard and the block of cheddar?

2

I bought some fish once. It was late evening, and I’d already had dinner that night. The next night, I didn’t feel like fish. Ah well, I’ll just have it tomorrow. The next night, some friends took me out to dinner. The next night, the fish smelled a bit funny, and I was feeling a little sick anyway, so I didn’t have it. The next night, the fish smelled even funnier… and so on.

In the end, I threw it out, of course, wrapped in many layers of plastic bags. I feel REALLY bad for whoever empties the dumpster for my building, though.

3

There is a ziplock bag of roast beef slices that’s gone grey, various condiment and sauce jars that date back to the Renaissance, and a few foil covered bowls I’m afraid to open.

The devil lives in my fridge. :eek:

4

Scroll down to lieu’s post, if you dare (make sure to pause at hillbilly queen’s contribution).

5

Did ya ever see that episode of Futurama where Bender is floating through space alone, and a couple of small colonies of life develop on his body? Yeah, I got that goin on in there. It’s been kinda sad cause the Upper-Shelficans have had an unfair advantage, as all they had to do was drop things on top of the Under-drawerites heads, at least until they migrated to under the meat and cheese drawer.

Day in and day out they labor away in their little communities. Living their lives, farming their fungus farms, harvesting spores in the mold forests. Passing down the wisdom of the great bleach-water deludge in their little churches as they worship the great bringer-of-butter-and-other-stuff-that-gets-funky-before-you-use-it, and they whipped themselves up into righteous anger at those others.

The Upper-Shelficans despised the Under-Drawerites, saying they were beneath them, that they had nothing, stuck in the backwater behind the meat and cheese drawer. Not as refined, as dignified, as intelligent. They are sub-whirlpoolian.

The Under-Drawerites rage at the injustice and the subjugation of their kind. How are the overshelfers any bettter than us? Do we not ooze if we are pierced? Do we not give off just as noxious of gasses?

So they fight. They fight with all the pluck of the underdogs. They fight for their spawn, for their spawn’s spawn. They fight for their very existence. Who can forget the feirceness they displayed at in the battle of the pea salad. The bravery displayed on top of tomato mountian, the determination displayed on the giant field of ham.

I think that is all about to change though, as I was reaching for a beer the other night, and I am sure I got hit by a rocket being tested by the Under-drawerites.

Hope they don’t go nuclear, that would suck. They may also be developing some sort of poison gas that rises through the atmosphere, at least that would explain the smell.

But on the plus side I have set myself up as their God, and have shown them that I alone can decide their fate. I can control the climate by adjusting the temperature, I can control the sun with a simple pull on the door, I can control the scarceness of resources, simply by going shopping or rememebering it is garbage day.

But I am a merciful God, and suffer their existance if they but rememeber a few simple rules. a) Don’t touch the Beer. b) Ditto the stuff in the meat and cheese drawer (I need to eat too) c) To displease me is to suffer. and last d) Always rememeber I hate the other ones, and you must desttroy them at any opportunity or I will be displeased.

All in all it’s been an enlightening and ego-boosting time.

So, anyone want a sandwich?

6

Oops, that wasn’t done. Oh well.

Can ya tell I bored at work?

7

Liquid lettuce.

8

Yes, definitely the liquified vegetables. Yesterday I tossed out the remains of what was once a cucumber but is now a small pond of greenish-brown sludge in the crisper.

9

well, it is not in my 'fridge anymore but…

On Sunday, I found a partially empty bag of “cauliflower”. How long it had been in there I am unsure. The stuff in the bag (it was still in the original pacakge) no longer resembled cauliflower, just black and brown gooey chunks of stuff. :eek: scary

once many years ago…

I was cleaning stuff out of the 'fridge. Actually I was prepping for a party- must make room for beer- and there was this plastic unopened half gallon of milk. When I moved it, the milk inside didn’t move. I asked my roomate “why did you freeze the milk?” thinking it was new. She said “What?!? Why would I freeze milk??” she came and looked at it. Then we realized it had been in there so long, all the milk had turned to “cheese” :eek: We promptly had a careful removal of the milk carton from the fridge to the dumpster outside of the apartment.

10
  • Celery that you could tie into knots.
  • Liquidifed brocoli, tomatoes, and mushrooms. The cucumber that was liquified in it’s unopened plastic wrap was particularly interesting.
  • The Immortal Can of Speight’s. Been with us for the past 4 years, until we lost it shifting flats. We mourn it’s passing.

Interestingly enough, the best way to have a piece of food left alone in a freshman communial fridge is to put a bit of cotton wool on it and label it ‘a microbial experiment’.

11

Nothing scary in my fridge. However, there’s a tie between the two scariest things that have ever been in my fridge:

Some broccoli that was turning black in parts
vs
A pint of Kiwi-Lime MD 20/20 that was residing in my freezer.

Come to think of it, the Mag Dog wins that hands down.

12

My parents have had a deep-freezer for something like 22 years now. As long as I can remember, it’s been chock-full of crap nobody would ever want to eat.

A few years ago…I’d have to say 1999, since I was still in Illinois, but married at the time…I opened up the deep freezer to look inside. On one shelf, I noticed an extremely freezer-burnt cardboard box, literally stuck to the metal shelves inside.

I pried it loose (and it took a minute, trust you me), wiped away the frosty residue, and looked at it.

It was an absolutely ancient box of Geno’s Pizza Rolls.

I turned over the box, and looked at the bottom. It had a contest running on it. The expiration on the contest, I discovered, was 8/1/82. :eek:

17 year-old Pizza Rolls, I said. Wow.

An inner voice chimed in. It sounded low and whisperish, like the voice of the cornfield in “Field of Dreams.”

Eat them, Chastain. Eat the Pizza Rolls.

No! I…I couldn’t! God only knows what would…

You must know, Chastain. You have to. Eat the Pizza Rolls. It’ll be okay. Really.

I still don’t know to this day why I listened, but I did. I popped open the box. Oddly, they looked not completely dissimilar to the regular, created-less-than-17-years-ago variety you’d normally get at the grocery store.

With trembling fingers, I dropped them onto a plate, covered them with a napkin. I put them in the microwave. Turned it on high, 90 seconds.

I started to sweat a little. I wondered how quickly Poison Control and/or the ambulance could arrive if needed.

Finally, the timed chimed. I opened up the microwave, and glanced inside. Relatively normal-looking. No foul odors, at least.

This is it., said the little voice. Now’s the moment of truth.

Okay, little tiny psychotic voice.

I ate one.

Then another.

Then the rest.

And waited. Finger on the phone at all times.

They weren’t the worst thing I’ve ever eaten, actually. And I never got sick.

I told you.

Oh, shut up. :wink:

13

A tupperware container with something in it. It’s been in there so long, I’ve forgotten what it is (or was).
Now I want to know…

Ah, yes. Half a fuzzy pork chop and a moldy crescent roll. But they’re not in there anymore.
I found some really old oranges in there too. They can stay for awhile.

14

7 month old Kimchee.

15

a little cross-pollenization, but I think it’s a funny story…

16

EEEEEEEWWWW!!!

Don’t you people ever do Fridge Patrol? <cue Dragnet theme>

I paw through everything at least every other week, just to see if there’s anything I can now list as a dependent on my tax form. Y’all really need to start doing this yourselves.

17

You people disgust me! There is NOTHING scary in my fridge whatsoever!

Of course, that’s only because I went through this afternoon and threw out:

[ul]
[li]Half of a half-gallon of milk so far gone that the jug had ballooned out with all the released gases. The contents had separated into distinct layers of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen, and the surface of the jug was snare-tight, like that of an over-inflated tire;[/li][li]A tinfoil container of Italian leftovers brought home from a date with my last girlfriend (note: I’ve been with current GF for six months and was single for a good while before that);[/li][li]An unlabeled jar of something that I could not identify. It was at one point either homemade pesto sauce or homemade jelly, and I sincerely do not know which (no way in hell was I going to smell it);[/li][li]And worst of all, a Tupperware dish containing “hay-bee sambal,” a Malaysian dish made of onion paste, shrimp paste, green bean paste, and rice paste. (Actually only the onions and shrimp were in “paste” phase when I put it in there, sometime around the start of the 2003 NFL football season.) I just threw the whole Tupperware thing in the trash, being extra-careful to avoid looking inside it.[/li][/ul]
On the plus side, I now have a fridge as pristine and shiny as Dirk Gently’s new one, and I plan to keep it that way. Once a week, anything even fifteen minutes past its due date is GONE! I will be MERCILESS! I will live a life of gladness and joy in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Fridge!

Funny, why do I think I’ve said this before?..

18

My best friend had purple noodles in her fridge once. It used to be macaroni with alfredo sauce (we think), but whatever grew on it went purple.

We threw it out, Tupperware and all. Didn’t want to risk unleashing the Andromeda Strain in the neighborhood.

Maybe we should have saved it - might have been an undiscovered mold species that we could have made millions with by selling it to the pharmaceutical guys to test for its antibiotic properties.
My all-time best wasn’t a fridge item, it was in the pantry. I heard a strange bubbling, hissing noise coming from in there, and I had to investigate. I pulled out the 18 million plastic bags I keep stuffed at the bottom, and eventually came to… two onions. “Odd”, I thought, “how did these get here?” I reached out to take one, and it went “phissssshhhht”!

The damn thing flattened out to nothing, like an empty balloon, leaving me with a small puddle on the floor and the most horrendous stink I’ve yet encountered.

19

The head of Edward VI.

Don’t ask.

20

Right now, I’m happy to say that nothing in there is scary, although some people would argue that the half-block of tofu might be.

I will admit, though, that once food gets to a certain stage, I don’t want to throw it out because I’m afraid that I’ll gag and vomit. I usually make my husband throw these things out, but unfortunately, he went off on a navy cruise about 3 months ago. Well, before he left, I made some soup. We didn’t eat it all and I covered it with foil and put it in the back of the fridge. At about the same time, I chopped up a bunch of radishes for salad and put them in a tupperware container and forgot about them.
Well, John left and I saw the containers and just ignored them. “He’ll only be gone for 6 months…he can throw them out when he gets back!” I finally realized, last week or so, that it was stupid to do that, so I pulled out the containers. The radishes had turned into radish jello, and the soup was growing big lumps of mold. :eek:
The worst thing, though, was when I went home to visit my mom in late February. The last time I was there was in December, and I’d bought a jug of eggnog. Well, mom got married at the end of December, and just took some clothes and essentials over to their new place, forgetting that the nog was in the fridge. We went over to grab some more stuff when I came down in February and looked in the fridge to find the nog jug, stretched taut with nog gas, and filled up with chunky nog cheese. That one went, very carefully like someone else mentioned, out to the dumpster.