I was walking past one of the break rooms at work a couple years ago and heard the guy who fills the vending machines telling someone “I don’t know why everyone is so down on George Bush. He’s a Rhode’s Scholar too!”
He probably was mentally spelling it “Roads”.
My great-grandmother insisted that bullets fired up into the air were harmless, because when they got as high as they were going to go, they exploded into tiny bits. No amount of argument, including diagrams drawn on a napkin, could persuade her otherwise.
I’ve got 2.
One my own.
A very hot girl in my English class last year that I was hoping to impress with my wit and brain, mentioned that she had a twin brother.
“Identical?”, I ask.
#2.
An ex of mine, who had moved from Sacramento to small town Montana to live with me her senior year had commented that it seemed to get pretty warm in Montana (upper 90’s). Then she realized that it’s 'cause we were closer to the sun, what with the higher elevation.
Decent lay, but stupid as a box of hammers, that girl.
Don’t feel bad, I had a friend of mine ask the same thing of a mom who was showing off her newborn boy and girl. You meant it to be funny, yeah, that’s it.
In my Philosophy 101 class we were discussing the origins of justice. Does justice come from god, nature, or society? One student said that justice came from nature and when asked how he came to that conclusion he said “1+1=2.” I think he was trying to make a Pythagorean connection between the underlying numbers of the cosmos and truth but it just sounded really silly.
The same student refuted the idea that in nature it was “the survival of the fittest” by pointing out that some fish who live in caves no longer have eyes. I’m not quite sure where he was going with this but several of the students pointed out why not having might make that fish more fit for a dark environment but he didn’t buy it.
Marc
Currently heard on bus:
Flu shot actually causes the flu. The government wants every to get the flu so as to develop an immunity.
Where the heck did she live in Sac that it stayed cooler than that?! :dubious:
My little sister (now 25 yrs. old, who was 18 at the time of the ‘incident’ IIRC), my father, and I were just ambulating along the shore at Cape May, NJ one evening just to get out of the house. We were out there for awhile, and after the sun had set, you could easily see lights on the distant horizon. Upon seeing this my sister has a moment of brilliance:
“Daddy, LOOK! Is that SPAIN?!?!?”
:smack:
I give my dear sister credit for her geographical skills, but not her real-world knowledge.
Tripler
Oh, and she’s a blonde too. Natural.
Had a college roommate seriously ask why the language we speak in America is called “English”.
Here’s one that I just remembered, that blew my mind at the time.
A friend was recounting an anecdote about an uncomfortable flight from the US, where the person in front of her pushed his seat right back and fidgeted constantly, spilling her drink and generally pissing her off. She went into great detail about this, then finished with the punchline:
“And when we got to the passport control, he went into the non-EU citizen line. He wasn’t even from the EU!!!”
There was silence. I looked puzzled. My wife looked puzzled. I tried to pursue what she was talking about but her husband looked a bit pissed off so I left it. I have never worked out what she meant. I hope it wasn’t some form of hopelessly generalized racism, but I have a feeling it was.
This exchange has happened between my mother and I many times.
Me: Gotta love the market economy.
Mother: We don’t have a market economy, we have a what the market will bare economy.
Me: 
:dubious: I think that’s the same as “market.”
Mother: No, its not.
Me: Its been a while since I’ve take Economics 101, but I’m pretty sure that prices being determined by what the largest number of consumers are willing to pay is one of the defining aspects of a market economy.
Mother: We don’t buy everything in a big market! That’s what people do in other countries.
I gave up and added “economics” to the List of Things I Will Not Discuss with Mother Maven to Avoid Prison. If “weather” gets on this list, I am fucked. 
Rats *are *adult mice.
Toads *are *adult frogs.
Tortoises *are *adult turtles.
Pidgeons *are *adult doves.
Geese *are *adult ducks.
:o
Maybe he’s Canadian?
I did this thread once as well. (Looking at the thread counter, that was 281,000 threads ago! :eek: ). Anyway, my OP still stands as one of the dumbest comments I ever heard:
Technically, the speaker wasn’t “around me”, but it’s still pretty friggin’ stupid!
I’ve got two. I once carpooled w/ three other guys. One guy was a real piece of work, I could do several paragraphs on him. Anyway, he related how he was taking flying lessons and went on about it for several weeks. About a month or so later he came up w/ this gem. He told us that he had gotten his pilot’s license and American Airlines was hiring him to fly on weekends :rolleyes: . I remember that the others of us just flashed a astonished look at each other.
As a kid, I really admired my mom’s older brother. For one thing he was a motorcycle cop and just an all round neat guy. When I was in my twenties I was home on leave, I hadn’t seen my uncle for several years and I went to visit him at the police station. He asked me where I was going and I told him that I was going out on the town, probably hit a few bars. He cautioned me about drinking and driving and made a suggestion. He said I should pick up a quarter pound stick of butter and eat it before I started drinking. He went on to explain that the alcohol fumes wafting up from your sytomach to your brain was what made you drunk. If you ate butter it would float on top of you stomach contents and trap the alcohol fumes and keep you sober. I was totally astounded, I had looked up to this guy for years and now he sounded like an idiot. Sure busted my bubble. :smack:
I’ve told this one too. I’m volunteering with a young lady from Los Angeles. Very smart, studying Arabic, going to go into the Peace Corps.
Dialogue goes something like this:
- So I’d like to see the Northern Lights sometime soon.
- That’s cool. They’re pretty hard to see from the city because of the lights, though. And it would be easier to see them from much further north.
- What if I went to Quebec City?
- Hm… it would be better if you went further north than that.
- Really? Isn’t Quebec City near the Arctic Circle?
:eek: For values of “near” that include “two thousand kilometres south of,” I suppose. For hell’s sake, Iqaluit, Nunavut is south of the Arctic Circle.
This would have worked a lot better had you quoted one less line…
My sister told me balogna ‘sweats’ because it’s made with tongue. When it warms up the saliva escapes from the taste buds.
“I see Christmas Day is on the 25th this year”
My Director, in our weekly staff meeting.