Wow. There are layers of wrongness to this statement. Subtleties. It rewards the reader upon repeated viewings. Nice. :smack:
Well apparently, when a newborn cries, but refuses a bottle, and doesn’t need a diaper change, s/he is trying to trick it’s mother. Of course, it’s wrong to trick people, and to “cry wolf” so the baby has sinned. This is why original sin makes perfect sense. This is the way it was explained to me. The guy left in a huff when I said it was dumb.
Well, we’d have to see a picture before we could be the judge of that. 
Good god. I’ve heard about people who think that responding to a newborn will only spoil it and you have to let him or her cry because otherwise he’ll be a total spoiled brat, but that’s taking it to an entirely new level.
Hey, why not? If the dog jumps off the sofa when he hears your key in the front door, isn’t he trying to “convince” you that he never was on the sofa? Of course, not that the dog really thinks it through in that way, but the actions say something.
My contribution: From a German born graduate student in German lit and film (now a Ph.D.): Germany has 1000 years of brewing history. America had prohibition. Where exactly does he think Euro-Americans came from? Our ancestors were all over in Europe for most of those thousand years!
My wife was making a Halloween costume for me a few years ago, so we stopped off at a fabric store to pick up some material. After picking out some appropriately dark broadcloth, I carried the bolt of fabric over to the cutting station. The employee working behind the counter asked me how much of the bolt I needed. I said that five and one-third yards should be enough. She stopped for a moment, put the old thinking cap on, but it seems to have had little effect. Finally she turned to her co-worker and said “How do you figure out a third of a yard?”
And I thought I was bad at math.
I was a day away from being released from the hospital after a surgical repair of my severed Achilles tendon. I had just been taught to use crutches proficiently to get up and down stairs in Physical Therapy. They were marking my progress, so I thought I’d make conversation. I turn to the Physical Therapist and ask “Say, you guys are like personal trainers, right?”
“Oh, we’re Much Better than Personal Trainers”, he replied.
“Good to hear! Listen, I’m going to be laid up for a while with this injury, unable to work, and I was hoping to use the time to my advantage to try to exercise and to lose weight. Can you recommend some exercises that I could do within my limitations, to help me lose weight…?”
Immediately, one of his colleagues who AuntBeast would call ‘Shiney-but-not-Bright’ turned around and looked up from her clip-board and says " Tai-Bo!"
I look at her. I look down at my leg, bent and cast in plaster, and at the two aluminum crutches holding me up. Then I look back at her. “Tai-Bo, you say….?”
“Oh Yes! It works wonders at losing weight.” She continued with a cheery smile.
(To look at her, she wasn’t even a real blonde, but by Og, she was trying hard…)
Hmm, there was the time I called the gynecologist’s office to schedule a pelvic exam and the receptionist said, “Oh, we don’t do that.”
I don’t remember how we came around to the agreement that I could come in and be examined by a gynecologist and then the gynecologist would decide if I could have a pelvic exam or not. ???
And goats are male sheep.
I work in rental property management. On freezing cold dark February night, a couple came in with a sad story: We’re desperate. We’re living in a car with our three children. We have Social Services. We need something right away.
We told them we had an apartment that they could see, it was vacant, we would take welfare payments, as soon as it was verified that SS would pay, the family would move in.
Wife: Where is the apartment located?
Me: On such-and-such a street.
Wife, in a tone of high indignation: I’m not living there.
This just happened yesterday morning. My shop landlord, his mechanic and I were bullshitting. The topic was blasting.
MECHANIC: Did you know that the 911 planes exploded before they hit the WTC ?
ME,SERIOUSLY SKEPTICAL: Why on earth would the terrorists need to explode the plane prior to hitting the buildings?
MECHANIC: Did you know that they found a phone book that was on a desk right where the plane hit and it wasn’t even scorched ?
ME: So?
LANDLORD: How did they know where the phone book came from?
MECHANIC: …
I handn’t laughed so hard in a long long time.
A buddy and I had lunch with our receptionist one day. My buddy was telling a story and mentioned he was talking to someone from New Zealand, and she asks what language do they speak. My buddy says, “Oh, they speak English. It’s kind of like Australia with more sheep.” She says, “They must wear a lot of cotton there!” Neither of us said anything to this; giving her the benefit of a doubt maybe she was being ironic. Then later in the conversation she says that she thinks it’s a real shame that they have to kill all those sheep just to make sweaters. :eek: We explained that the sheep are just shorn and not killed, and she says, “Oh, that’s ok then.” Afterward, my buddy joked that maybe she thought sheep were stuffed with cotton.
It’s a good thing she was cute.
We’re at an anniversary party for some friends and we get seated with a couple that is unbelievably dumb. The man starts explaining how we can get Europe to support us in the current Iraq war: all we have to do is BLOCK THE GULF STREAM and Europe will go back into an Ice Age.
Me: How would you propose to do that?
Him: Just put up a barrier in the Atlantic.
Me: Well, let’s see, a cubic foot of water weighs about 62 pounds and the Gulf Stream is several hundred feet deep and several miles wide–so what are you going to make this barrier out of–that will resist the weight of say 15000 X 200 X 62…that’s three miles wide times 200 feet deep …umm, about 180 million pounds of water in the first one-foot-thick vertical slice of Gulf Stream? And what would you anchor it to?
His wife: Are you making fun of my husband?
Me: No, I’m just factually inquiring into his plans…they don’t seem very realistic.
Him: We could do it if we wanted to.
A girl I dated for a short while (really a nice girl…fun to be around, personable, etc, but sometimes, I wondered how far up the elevator went.)
We were watching TV one night, and the news had a quick blurb on something Bjork, the singer, had done. They said on TV, “Bjork, the Icelandic singer…”
She turned to me, with a confused look on her face and said, “What’s Icelandic?”
I just stared at her, dumbfounded. We hadn’t been dating very long at all, so it really made me think “did she really just say that?” She wasn’t kidding either.
Someone on the metro asking me if I was a devdasi back home.
No dude, different kind of whore, and anyone…what kind of guy hits on an Indian chick by asking her if she’s a prostitute?
I can tell you the stupidest thing **I ** ever said:
To a college friend of mine - “I feel an overwhelming urge to pluck my eyebrows.”
We were staffers for our yearbook in college. I said this in our staff offices. The offices had been freshly painted. She took out a sharpie marker and wrote the quote directly onto the freshly painted wall. :smack: The Wall of Shame was born. Over the next 3 years I was there, more stupid, hilarious, goofy, drunken, and downright silly statements graced that wall.
:::sigh:::
I wonder if they ever painted over it.
"You cant learn anything from books " "Science is a waste of time ,it never helps anyone in normal life and theyre (scientists) just making it up anyway" And finally one that Ive heard some quite intelligent people come out with !“They assasinated Princess Di of course because she knew too much !” I`m agog with curiousity with what a not overly intelligent or educated EX member of the R/F ; who would not have had access to anything sensitive while she WAS married to Charlie(let alone after the divorce ) would know? Had somebody told her what the U.Ks nuclear launch codes were?or maybe what the Secret Intelligence Service was up to ref international terrorism or what ?Anyone who can help me out on this will have me eternally indebted to them and more then likely totally astonished!
My first husband had some strange notions…
“They put women astronauts on the Space Shuttle so the men could have sex.”
“The moon shines with its own light”.
I think the biggest head scratcher was his belief that, if a young teen developed big breasts, that meant that “Someone’s been playing with them”. :dubious:
And ponies are baby horses.
My boss asked me to make copies for him. I asked him if he wanted me to copy them double-sided. He said “well, the ones in the binder are one-sided, right?” And I replied that, yes, the originals are one-sided, but I just thought he might want me to copy them two-sided to save paper. At which point he asked (here comes the stupid…) “Would that really use less paper?” to which I replied, with a completely straight face, “Yes. Half as much, actually.”
Or, even better, when my friend asked me “You think they’ll make a Halo 3?”