Now I can’t believe this hasn’t been done, but I couldn’t fine it so here it is. Whats the stupidest thing you’ve ever done while under the influence of anything. I can think of many stupid things I’ve done, but its going to take me a while to come up with the stupidest. In the meantime I want to laugh at you all so post please.
I climbed up on the roof to take a nap after drinking a lot of beer. In the summer. In AZ. Woke up with the worst sunburn ever.
Never use ladders while under the influence.
When I was much younger and immortal, I drove a couple of times while being far too drunk. (Used to joke that I had to drive because I was too drunk to walk or call a cab.) Was never stopped nor did it ever result in any accidents or injury. But it was stupid. Very.
Drive. A lot. For 16 years. I am lucky, but I worked at it. Some pointers: keep your license and registration handy at all times so you don’t fumble for them. Always use ‘sir’ when dealing with armed authority. Don’t speed, pass, get caught up in the moment. Monitor your speedometer, be compulsive about constant speed. Don’t ever hit a yellow line. In a brightly lit downtown area it is easy to take off without turning your lights on. Sure way to get popped. If you are not under the influence, no problem. If you need to enact any of the above tactics you are thinking too much about drinking, and really ought not to drink and drive. You could kill someone, and that’s a smear that Ajax won’t wipe off.
Hood surfing. Both standing up and lying down.
Cow tipping.
Fighting the district head of the National Socialist Party of Baden-Wurtemmburg. (I won.)
Thinking flaming shots of 151 were an excellent chaser to six Cuervo Gold shooters and two dozen raw oysters.
Voting for Perot.
Working in finance.
Majoring in International Politics.
I wanted to see how fast my Yamaha would go. At 125, it suddenly got a rapid shimmy. All I could do is let off the throttle and see if it would sort itself out. It did. It sobered me up very quickly.
Camping out on a farm that a friend’s mom owned me and some guys got really drunk, they went off to another part of the pasture to mess with the horses and see if they could get the horses drunk (we had a lot of alcohol), me and another guy were at “base camp” and we wanted to go find them, I didn’t want to have to walk and there was a pickup (someone else’s dad’s pick up, mind you) so I decided that would be a faster way to get to the other end of the pasture.
So I hop in, thinking, “There’s no f**king way he was stupid enough to leave the keys in the ignition.” But I reached for the ignition and there they were, so off we went. We’re in this giant pasture driving around and I’m thinking, “drunk driving isn’t so hard when you have room” the other guy is halfway out of the passenger window waving his t-shirt around and we’re tearing around this pasture going 30.
We ended up finding them, no one got hurt, and I’m not sure, but I think it takes one hell of a lot of beer to get a horse drunk, so we stopped trying and drank the rest ourselves.
Rationalizing sleeping with a certain woman as “Hey, she’s initiating everything, and she bought all the beer, too. And I’ve known her for years. And no one will ever find out.”
The only wrong statement was the last one, sadly.
There are pictures of it, but no memories. Humorous, indeed. I would prefer not to say more 
Apart from those types of incidents, I must say that fighting is pretty stupid and it was always fights between me and a friend. I am such a goader when I’m drunk (lets skip illicit drug use here ) and some people are very touchy. I’m not very touchy about most things, so its hard for me to judge even when sober that I’m crossing a line.
But, never ruined a friendship and no serious damage was ever done.
I’m a big straight edge, but my sister told me once she remembers nothing but waking up underneath a car. One wonders…
I’ve done that, too.
I’ve also. . .
Joined the College Socialists Organization (and the worst part is, I thought the president of my college’s chapter was cute and I wanted to hook up with him)
Dyed my hair purple (with Jello, so it only lasted about a week, but I hated explaining it)
Chased around my best friend with a baseball bat
And, of course, every time I drink, I get really honest and
self-hatey and always end up admitting all sorts of stuff I’d rather people not know about me.
Petted an alligator in a swamp.
and admitted the same personal information mentioned by ThisYearsGirl.
Fell asleep. That was a horrible feeling in the morning.
Did troubleshooting on the brakes and carburetion of a race car just before the race started (and just after the pre-race crew party ended). Fortunately all went OK, but in retrospect I wonder how our driver felt about it.
Took a tour of my friend’s crawl-space. Insullation isn’t the greatest thing to step on, unless you like crashing through the ceiling.
Oh, and driving home with my step-father, w/out my permit, on a standard, which I had absolutly no experience with. He didn’t know, and I did a fine job, but still…
Went trolley-racing with an old friend across some train-tracks. She got stuck on the tracks and was too drunk to get out so I had to pull her out. It was kinda scary.
I’m sure there’ll be many more stupid things I have yet to do under the influence.
Ceded the presidency, and jumped over shark infested waters on water skis. Oh, wait, that was gore and the fonz. Not necessarily in that order.
Right I’m still thinking. I swear I’ll come up with a good one soon. Its just so hard to remember some of these nights. All these are really good keep them coming.
Locked myself out of my apartment naked.