Actually, when done correctly, scrambled eggs in the microwave can be REALLY GOOD. You just put in a little butter and milk and just a tiny bit of Velveeta and stop it several times in order to mix it up…they are VERY good.
When I was very young we went to visit my grandmother. She (along with her husband and kids (my dad)) emmigrated to the U.S. from Germany when my father was very young. Now, I’m not sure if what she served was a staple of German cuisine (I’ve never seen it in a restaraunt here in the U.S. that serves German food) but I’ve remembered that meal for over 20 years.
The meal:
Creamed spinach (having the appearance and consistency of the baby food equivalent) topped with a sunny side egg that was about half cooked (i.e. still runny).
At the time I was 4 years old and I’m sure I made some kind of derogatory comment about that meal.
Back in college, a girlfriend invited me to her place for supper. She was cooking for speed and not quality because what I was served was Hamburger Helper. But really it was just hamburger and what was in the Hamburger Helper box mixed together, no milk, water or butter added. Just noodles, meat and the seasoning packet’s contents, which were not not mixed thoroughly and clumps of seasoning were still to be found. I never ate at her house again.
I have a friend who BBQs pork ribs in such a way to make them extra greasy. Eating more than 2 ribs will makes us omnivores pass them quickly and sometimes painfully.
I’m curious: you say you don’t eat birds or mammals. What about reptiles, fish, crustasians (sp?).
Thanksgiving two years ago at my father and stepmothers house has to be the worst meal.
I dont’ like turkey very much to begin with but I will eat the dark meat. The turkey was so dry you could hardly chew it. My stepmom tried a new dish that year (lucky me) oyster stuffing…blech,yuck,phewie…it was just plain nasty period! No one would eat it, including my dad who loves oysters and I like them also. But stuffing with oysters is just not right. The whole house smelled horrible, very fishy.
I had a new roommate in college. My high school friend (also attending same college) and I were sitting in my living room when this new roommate showed up. My friend and I helped this new roommate move his stuff into the apartment (we used a roommate matching service, so I had never met the guy before). His mother was with him, and said she would make us a “special meal” to thank us for helping her son moved in. Her meal was Kool-Aid, without the sugar (“I don’t like it sweet”), frozen garlic bread (only “thawed” on the kitchen counter, not cooked), and spaghetti (sauce was a can of Hunt’s and BREAKFAST sausage links). Unbelieveably bad.
One other meal I had was fine, at a Vietnamese restaurant, but the drink was something called Salted Lime Drink. I love limeade, and enjoy salty snacks, but this was like drinking pure seawater with lime. I cannot believe that anyone enjoys this drink. It was totally undrinkable.
I don’t eat pork. I simply can’t stand the idea of eating a pig. I am also lactose intolerant
The first time I ever went to my meet my now-hubby’s parents, we were invited for dinner. I had told him beforehand that I didn’t have any preference for dinner, only make sure it wasn’t going to be pork, or dairy-based. He told her, and she promptly forgot.
We arrive for dinner to discover a huge, glistening ham on the table, along with a bowl of cheese cauliflower. The cauliflower was SWIMMING in cheese, and I didn’t have any medication with me. There was also a bowl of painfully oversalted stuffing. I threw a panicked look at hubby, and sat down at the table, with a huge false grin. “MMM! looks good!” I only took a bite when she or my father-in-law were looking in my direction. I managed to choke down two bites of ham, trying not to make it apparent that I was gagging. I looked around frantically for signs of a dog I could slip the ham to under the table, but unfortunately, the dog had just recently died.
For the rest of the evening after dinner, I sat there, nauseated from the ham, and horrible shards of pain shooting through my stomach from the cheese cauliflower. It felt like I had eaten ground glass for dinner. Since his parents live so far away, whenever hubby visits, he feels compelled to stay for six or eight hours. I suffered the pains of the dammed for seven and a half hours, making numerous trips to the bathroom.
It was, bar none, the worst meal I have ever had.
I have the opposite experience than the OP. I’m sure the meals people are making are super duper lovely. Maybe. But I just won’t eat them, because my dietary peculiarities are so specific and silly.
I don’t eat vegetables. Or fruit. Or most meat dishes. Or any number of snacks (cake, cream buns, nuts, pretzels). And a whole ton of other stuff.
And it’s easier for me to just provide my own food. I never expect others to cater for me, as I’m just weird and always have been.
So don’t come over to my house to eat, as I have the extensive culinary range of a house-cat, and a taste in food not dissimilar to a six year-old (who doesn’t like cake).
I eat almost completely meat. Some breads, some sauces, stuff like that, but no vegetables. Uck!
So anyway, there’s been many times when I’ve had to choke down a salad or something, but I will refuse to eat anything more drastic, regardless of their feelings.
I will also flatly refuse to eat Mac N Cheese or eggs, regardless of ANYTHING. I don’t even TRY to be tactful. “No, thank you.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, none for me.”
I do LOVE my turkey somewhat dry, so it will soak up my A-1 (Gods’ own sauce). I also like quite a bit of Hamburger and Chicken Helpers (No godless tuna helper for ME). I like beans, rice, stuff like that, too.
One of the worst times was at a friend’s house in 8th grade. His mom made some bean stuff that was basically a white, tasteless starchy paste, which held in it hard, half-cooked, equally tasteless red beans. His mom smiled proudly and expected us to eat it. Took me nearly an hour to eat a bowlful. Took a huge swig of OJ in between each bite, too. Thought I was going to have to fake hari kari to get outta that one.
The other worst one was my Grandma. She should leave cooking to Danny, because it’s not her strong point. She tried to make spaghetti, but the noodles were so overcooked as to be mush, and the sauce was pretty much a red, slightly garlic-y water, drooled over the limp, mushy ‘noodles’.
I just thought of a time my sister tried to make burritos. She can’t taste real good, I guess, and added WAAAAY too much garlic. The meat seemed… dusty… she added so much. I could barely choke down a single burrito. I love garlic, but geez…
–Tim
Hey! That was my Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t know you came over.
Anyways, the worst meal I had was at one of my relative’s house. She served us one of those frozen lasagna meals. At first, it was okay, everything was heated and it tasted like good lasagna. Or so we thought. When I went back to the kitchen to get a drink, I saw the box that the lasagna was in and it was about 5 months past the expiration date. :eek: :eek: :eek:
All night, my family and I took turns vomiting in the bathroom. 
This is somewhat of the reverse. My uncle (who ran a fish research institute) cam eover to see us for a week. My mum cooked him Fish fingers and boiled potatoes. Not bad food, but the biggest faux pas of her life. So now I know all the different names of shark, fish fingers, flake, etc.
And Zenster, what is your preoccupation with salt? In a good meal people should not taste the salt. I am sensitive to salt, it not being used in any meals growing up. Neither butter. So I notice more flavours than my friends. Because remember that salt is a flavour enhancer, so there are some flavours that are not enhanced.
Do cultural foods count? There is a Swedish dish called silströmming. Basically, take some herring in summer, stick 'em in a barrel, then eat them in winter after they have gone off. I am not joking. But all I could taste when eating it was salt. I could discern no other flavour. But the smell, on the other hand, was something else completely.
I once had the “pleasure” of eating homemade tomato icecream.
I am beside myself with curiosity (but in a nice way). What DO you eat then? I am left with the unfortunate impression that you subsist on nothing but Purina Cat Chow (yeah, I can see where you’d have to bring that with you…)
And I thought I was a picky eater.
To quote the illustrious Red Green, “For men there are two food groups, meat and salt.”
::Homer nods head vigorously::
In the recent spate of hysteria about high blood pressure salt has become a casualty far too often. Many foods must be salted while they cook. If they are prepared entirely without salt, there is no amount of it that can be added at the table. An excellent example is hash browns. Many restaurants make them without salt and they have all the appeal of pasteboard. I can recall when my mother first got on the salt hysteria bandwagon. She made a batch of her fabulous potato salad without any salt and it was largely inedible. The same goes for many of the commercial salsas on the market. The sweetness of onions and tomatoes cries out for the balance of some salt, but this is too often neglected.
In a similar vein, I am slowly learning to correctly balance salt in my food preparation. When you use salt, be sure to calculate whether there is a source of sweetness in the dish. If not, as in the case of a vinaegrette dressing, the addition of a small amount of sugar helps immensely. What happens is that the palate receives sensations from more than one quarter and a more well balanced flavor is perceived.
All of that aside, I’m with you big time Duck Duck Goose. Besides beef jerky and pizza, what the heck is it that GuanoLad eats???
Um, tomatoes should be salty by themselves-if one uses canned tomatoes. They’re loaded with salt.
Ah, the memories I’ve repressed…
Side note: I try to live up to the ineffable MFK Fisher, who found a simple meal (and jug wine) fine because of the honesty w/ which it was served.
That said:
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A non-cook friend who barely nuked 2 TV dinners and served them forth (sorry, in the groove) w/ ice crystals still in the middle–and sincerely believed she’d gone to extravagent lengths. Take out fast food or delivery pizza would have been so much better!
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The lutefisk dinner w/ the Ex’s family. (Authentic and ethnic don’t automatically mean edible, folks!) Now I’m the Anti-GuanoLad as far as food goes; I’ll try damned near anything out of curiosity, if nothing else. And I’ve waxed eloquent–and bitter–before about lutefisk. The stuff is just reeking, eye-watering, stomach-churning nasty. I survived by nibbling on lefse (wonderful!) and sucking down Ringness beer (also pretty great, IRC).
I appreciated the thought and the bonding and the tradition, but man, the food sucked!
Veb
**
Christmas 1997, I’m all alone and my best friend invites me over to his parents place for Christmas. Visions of turkey and ham danced in my head and I was all set for an excellent meal.
What was I served? Meatloaf. It turns out that they have their big dinner on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas day. Why they weren’t eating leftovers is beyond me but for some odd reason someone decided to cook meatloaf. Did I mention that I loath meatloaf? But I grinned and wolfed down a slice.
Marc
It happened during my college years (so long ago, so far). This girl, let’s just call her Jane, was my dream divine of womanhood incarnate - smart, sassy, funny, interesting. Imaigne my delight (as they say) when she invites me to stay with her at Oxford University for a few days.
So, first day I’m there, and it gets towards evening and time to fix up something to eat. I’m wondering what delights she will come up with - this intelligent, mature, cultivated, perfect human being…
Jane goes to cupboard. Jane takes out two tins of Rice Pudding. Tin-opener is applied to both. I am presented with my tin and a spoon.
This was the zenith of her culinary artistry. I never felt quite the same way about her after that.
{b]What GuanoLad Eats - or, A Day In The Life Of A Strange Kid**
Well let’s see.
I do eat bread, cheese, eggs, and those sort of things. Mostly.
(When I was a kid, if they needed to feed me, I got bread and cheese) (I didn’t mind, it was better than the stuff they were having)
In the meats department, I eat what you’d call frankfurters, but I call sausages. Also meat pies. And chicken. I looooove chicken. And I eat most roast meats (I come from NZ, best lamb in the wooooorrlld) Probably a couple of others too, though not many.
Baked Beans. And the equivalent of Spaghetti (i.e. not real spaghetti, but processed kiddie stuff in a can).
Junk includes: sweets, pizza (sometimes), fish and chips, KFC.
And that is about all. Seriously.
I have no patience with artichoke.
People love to dip the ends in butter and ooh and ahh, but it tastes like any spoon coated in butter. It has no taste at all, and when I refuse to bother with it they all pout and mention it 10 times.