**Geez Doobious, no need to shout! By the time the chili hit the plates it was late enough in the evening where we just smiled and shoveled the stuff down. Where does it say that I chastised my friend? I did nothing of the sort. Regardless of what you think, I do not go out of my way to hurt people’s feelings.
I’ve know these people for a dozen years. My friend just does not take the time to cook carefully, that’s all. Heck, I was at their house just the other night and whipped up a kick @ss Beef Bourguignonne for them. Even if I ask my friend to slowly add something to the pot while I’m chopping up something else, she will just dump it into the pot all at once. When my friend had just had her first child, I would come over to their house and cook a few times a week. We love each other dearly, but I just have to remember that she isn’t willing to take the time necessary to prepare food correctly.
Try not to take it so personally Doobieous, I’m sure you’re a very nice cook. You just weren’t there to taste how bad my other friend’s meal was. The guy was just a dyed in the wool cheapskate. That’s all, just a cheapskate.
[DDG stands up and cheers hysterically while applauding till palms bleed, then presents Fenris with year-long poetry fellowship to Seven Sisters college of his choice]
After poem #2:
[DDG takes deep drag on Gauloise, murmurs, “Be the artichoke, man,” and orders another pastis]
What in heavens name do you actually eat? And I’m worried about ya, guy…you are headed for some serious health issues if you don’t find a way past these peculiarities…NO veges of ANY kind? NO fruits of ANY kind? That leaves…meat, dairy foods, and starch. That kinda diet will kill you young!
I gotta tell you all: I FEEEEL for you! I feel so incredibly blessed! It seems that my life has been filled with nothing but gourmets, both my family and my friends. Either that, or that they know better than to try and feed me their dreck! I havent’ had any experience even close to what you guys have gone through!
And the interesting part of it is, I’m a very good cook and a seriously picky eater. I get teased for being so damn picky. And yet…never have I been subjected to some of the hellish excuses for food that you all have described here.
There is something I don’t quite understand. When someone serves you something horrible, undercooked, raw, revolting, or just something you can’t personally stand, why do you eat it? What rule is there that demands that you choke down something that is making you sick? I am frequently a hostess, and I would NEVER be offended if a guest did not want what I served. It does not happen a great deal, but one “for instance” was an old friend who came to dinner with a bunch of other old friends. I served what I considered a pretty safe dish: pesto pasta with grilled chicken, Caesar salad and garlic bread. Well, turns out this one friend hates pesto. I wasn’t * offended! * How silly! I felt very bad that I hadn’t checked the menu with him first and didn’t have anything else to offer him, but I was not at all offended. I would have been mortified if he had tried to choke it down just to be nice!
Turns out he’s a pretty picky eater. So now I run the menu by him whenever he’s invited over, just to make sure he will be able to eat. No biggie. My goal is my guest’s comfort and pleasure, not my ego massaged! Or rather, to be honest…it massages my ego to know that I have honestly brought pleasure and comfort to my guests rather than that they were “polite” enough to choke down a meal they disliked. Fortunately, my relationships are such that we can tell each other these things. If you don’t know someone well, just tell 'em you’re allergic!
And you know what? Some of these meals described here did not deserve to be choked down. The people who prepared them obviously put in no effort at all and had absolutely no sensitivity to their guests. Screw 'em. (I am especially appalled by the “Ham & Cheesy Cauliflower” experience described by ** Lissa**. That sounds like one of two things: Alzheimers, or a passive-aggressive slap in the face. Bah!
stoid
who invites you all over to eat next time you get abused by someone’s bad cooking.
I don’t have any stories about horrible food at someone else’s house, but one time I did go to an exotic restaurant and order a “gourmet” pizza. I don’t know what the hell was in it, it tasted like cheese made from rat milk or something. It was nasty. I managed to choke down one (small) slice before deciding to trash it. But I finally did figure out why they called it “gourmet”; it included a plastic fork!
I usually take small servings when I’m at someone’s house, if it’s something I’ve never tasted before. Then I nibble at it, and say, I’m full, or I don’t like corn, I don’t eat pork, etc etc…
I just fill up on the sides…the salad and all that.
I’m good at pretending to eat.
I appreciate the concern, but there’s no real need to worry. I’m 31. I’ve survived my entire life like this, and I am astoundingly healthy despite it. (Except for my teeth, but I think that’s genetic)
Whenever people discover this weird diet I have, they tend to get anxious and motherly, with a look of fear like I’m suddenly going to collapse from lack of vitamins right there in their kitchen.
My Mum took me to several specialists when I was young, but they all came to the conclusion that if I’m not sickly because of it, thent there’s no need to worry. And they were right.
Turns out it’s a phobia, called Lachanaphobia. (Though that really only covers vegetables, so I guess I have a new strain)
But you think I’m bad, I have a friend who eats only bread, cereals, and milk. Just because he wants to (no principles, no necessity, no phobia, just choice). Even I find that wacky!
You’re not alone. I’ve mentioned before that I have a friend who eats almost nothing but bread and meat. He’ll drink the occasional glass of Orange Juice, but he won’t drink milk at all, he’ll eat cheese and he avoids all vegetables except the starchy ones (Corn, peas, potatoes etc). Oh yeah, and he eats artichokes with peanut butter <retch>.
He’s in his early forties and still alive and even in pretty good health.
Heh. We covered what GL actually eats over on Page 1, and his special diet seems to consist of:
Bread.
Cheese.
Eggs.
Hot dogs.
Meat pies.
Chicken.
Roast lamb.
Canned baked beans
Franco-American Spaghetti.
Candy.
Pizza.
Long John Silver’s.
Kentucky Fried Chicken.
I ran this list past my kids, and they all looked at me like, “So?”
Actually, this may not be such an unbalanced diet. Meat has Vitamin C in it. Canned spaghetti and baked beans have various amounts of Vitamins A and C, depending on the brand. It’s his digestion I’m worried about–not enough roughage! Hey, GL, doncha love it when people discuss your bowel habits…
I get a lot of people who insist I try their pesto sauce, and it make me gag. I try my best to get it on the side, or just a small amount, but those who make it themselves seem to insist on pouring it over things. I eat a lot of bread and push stuff around the plate until they ask if I’m sick. If I give in to that, I don’t get dessert
In college, a friend invited me over to his house for pasta one night. While I was chatting with his roomies in the living room, he popped his head out of the kitchen to confirm that I liked my fettucine “al dente.” I said yes, I do. (actually I’m not that picky about the doneness of pasta).
He said “Great! Me too!”
When he served it, I found out what he meant by “al dente.” The fettucine was still crunchy. It had obviously been put in water, because it would bend - sort of. It was mostly still stiff, and had been in the water long enough for it to get a little sticky on the outside. It was really crunchy and sticky at the same time. I was picking it out of my molars for hours afterwards.
He served it with a “sauce” of mostly raw broccoli (nothing wrong with uncooked broccoli, I just don’t care for it) a ton of fresh basil, which he grew himself and seemed to have plucked off the plant and not chopped at all, lemon juice and so much black pepper I was sneezing all the way through dinner. It was a crunchy, cabbage-y, peppery sour meal.
He was usually a good cook, but after that I always politely declined when he invited me over for pasta.
The worst meal I have probably ever served anyone was in high school. My best friend stayed over one weekend so we could go to a U2 concert in Syracuse (her parents set her curfew too early for her to stay 'til the end of the concert and then drive back an hour). We arrived home from the concert around 1am, and we were hungry. I put 6 cups or so of water on to boil, then popped in a couple of blocks of ramen. Well, about 10 or 15 minutes later, I remembered the ramen. It had boiled for so long it had absorbed almost the whole pot of water. It was huge and mushy. I personally didn’t find anything wrong with it (as a teenager I would eat just about anything) so I threw in the seasoning packets and served it. She still shudders when she mentions that ramen, and that was 13 years ago!
We were invited to spend NYE with friends - I’ve known them since '76, but I haven’t quite gotten accustomed to their quirks. Lately they’ve gotten into the “fat-free” craze, but being unwilling to give up their old favorites, they’ve substituted imitations. We were treated to fat-free salad dressing and fat-free sour cream mixed together as a veggie dip, fat-free crackers and fat-free cheese, non-caffeinated soft drinks, non-alcoholic cider to toast the new year… PLUS a big bowl of mixed nuts, M&M peanuts, and 4 varieties of cheesecake. I haven’t quite figured that out yet.
)