It was said elsewhere in this thread but it deserves repeating: Skyline. Crappy acting, crappy effects, crappy cinematography, crappy directing and a a freaking non ending. Seriously, Fuck that movie. It was a aggressively bad and I felt angry paying to see it.
One of the Transformers gave me the same reaction. I don’t remember which one. One of the middle ones.
Another one: at least this one I just rented form Netflix, it was called Extreme Movie and if I could erase something from existence it would be my experience watching it.
Memories, memories. Also at the 1974 Atlanta Film Festival was Andy Warhol’s Dracula (now titled Blood For Dracula)
I’m convinced this is why they stopping having the Atlanta Film Festival.
Speaking of terrible arty-ish things that should never have been made, I see no mention of Caligula, Bob Guccione’s Penthouse entry into filmmaking. With Malcolm McDowell and Peter O’Toole and Helen Mirren and JOHN GIELGUD … and Gore Vidal. Geez.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caligula_(film)
The movie is on YouTube but … well, it’s just bad. You can go look at it if you want (truly a great actor trainwreck), but you’ve been warned.
I’d mercifully forgotten about Caligula. I think I made it through about 20 minutes before banishing it to the corn field. Ebert’s review was too kind.
Jack Frost, 1998, with Michael Keaton, about a kid’s dead father coming back as a creepy snow man. There were a lot of big names tossed around before this was finally made. I mention it because the snow man IS creepy looking, and …well, if the snowman outside in your yard started talking to you claiming to contain the personality of your dead dad, what would YOU do? Roger Ebert’s review is one of his very very best, asking all those pesky unanswered questions.
I love entertaining bad movies - paid good money to attend a Ed Wood marathon last year, and I found “Battlefield Earth” to be a laugh riot. But there are definitely some awful films I’ve paid money to see in theaters.
“Thin Red Line” would make a great coffee table book, because it’s gorgeous. As a narrative film, however, it’s dull, largely pointless, and filled with characters that range from “thin” to “super annoying”
“Destiny Turns On The Radio” was billed as a hip Quentin Tarantino film back when Quentin Tarantino was hot. And yeah, he’s in this movie for about five minutes of this confusing, boring mess of a magical realism crime caper film. Just what we wanted, right?
“The Saint” film with Val Kilmer is a waste of everyone’s time. It just lies there stinking.
“The Avengers” film with Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes is a waste of everyone’s time which just lies there stinking until Sean Connery shows up to remind us why we’re glad he isn’t in films any more.
I know Troma films are supposed to be in the “deliberately funny-bad” category, but “Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD” was awful. Shot using the cinematic technique of 'turn the camera on and let it run until something happens, starring a whole bunch of non-actors failing to even non-act and a guy in a rubber Kabuki actor mask tossing chopsticks around a New York City filmed without permits, it fails as kitsch, as camp, as comedy, as anything other than a long strip of dyed celluloid. Avoid at all costs.
I wanted to list it as well. Saw about the first 15 minutes on TV. Mainly to confirm my initial surprise that any movie could be so incredibly bad. Plot, acting, direction and godawful costumes and makeup. Unfortunately, not so bad that it was good, because it took itself so seriously. I probably switched channels before the tilted camera work came in, I don’t remember any.
I think I saw part of that film while sitting in a bar in Bangkok. By “part” I mean that I lost interest very quickly, and not just because of the bargirls. I had read the book at school, and I knew that it was slow paced and next to nothing happens. Guess what? The film was like that. Actually, most Merchant Ivory films are like that.
Val Kilmer’s “Saint” was bad, but then so was “The Day of the Jackal.” That was reduced to complete nonsense by hacking the plot around, and Kilmer’s acting was only so-so. The same applies to many remakes, but the list is too long to include here. Two come to mind: made for TV remakes of Spartacus and Cleopatra. Yecch!
The Saint and the Avengers also show how reasonably good TV series from the past don’t always make it onto the big screen a few decades later.
Another pitfall category: making copies of good European films changed to a US setting (such as “The Day of the Jackal”). At best bland, at worst, gruesome.
Interesting the different criteria that people are bringing to bear on this question. Some films which have been mentioned, such as Eraserhead (repeatedly), Liquid Sky, I Shot Andy Warhol, Wavelength, and Crumb are all well-respected arthouse/cult films which make no attempt to appeal to mainstream taste - I’d say that gets them off the hook, since if you didn’t know you were in for a ‘challenging’ watch when you took your seat in the cinema, you should have done. Similarly, famously bad but ironically enjoyable films such as Plan 9 From Outer Space, Spider island, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians etc. Come on, you already knew these were bad films, so complaining about them being bad just seems perverse!
For me, a true stinker of a film is usually some big dumb stupid expensive Hollywood blockbuster that just assumes that everyone will love it, and if you don’t,well, there’s something wrong with you, not it. Since I avoid that kind of film at all costs, I find it difficult to make a nomination.
But for personal reasons, I harbour a particular grudge against Ali G In Da House. I watched that with my father the week before he died, because we’d both enjoyed Ali G on the TV show, but the film just sucked. I personally felt cheated of the 90 minutes I’d wasted watching it, but that was the last film my dad ever saw, and I wish it had been a good one.
I usually go into movies with little expectation of greatness or disaster; I’ll find my own sense with it. I can usually retcon anything I see into something good, at least okay, or ignore it. I’ll forgive Phantom Menace and Leonard Part 6. But sometimes, I let my guard down and have great expectations.
I understood the flack against M. Night Syamalan’s work; I liked “Unbreakable”. So I thought “The Happening” would just be weird. I was confused when it ended and I didn’t understand what the point of making the movie was…
I loved “The Avengers” TV series. Very quirky. And I thought a movie might be too serious or too silly. But I didn’t expect to be embarrassed if someone found I had watched it all the way through. I’d rather they knew I watched “Zardoz”.
Similarly, I loved the “Wild, Wild West” TV series. I had great expectations with two actors I loved. But Will Smith’s part was embarrassing and Kevin Kline phoned it in on a bad connection. Really, it feels like their scenes together were shot separately and matted together.
“The Music Man” with Robert Preston is my favorite musical. I knew that the Matthew Broderick remake couldn’t compete, but figured it would be fun. I turned it off after 10 minutes.
There are others, but mostly I can retcon and forgive most things. The one and only movie I’ve ever seen that literally nauseated me and gave me a headache was “Julien Donkey-Boy” (Wikipedia). “Manos: The Hands of Fate” is a comparative breath of fresh air.
I think you’re referring to The Jackal, with Bruce Willis, which sucked, and not The Day of the Jackal, with Edward Fox, which was excellent (almost as good as the novel).
