Go see The Tree of Life. It makes The Thin Red Line look like Crank. This movie actually makes time itself slow down.
The one that comes to mind is This is 40, the Judd Apatow ‘comedy’.
I remember watching it with active hatred. I was probably glaring at the screen. It was so clunky, worked so inefficiently to be funny I swear I saw it sweating.
It felt like a team of 20 apathetic writers worked independently of one another to write it, 20 apathetic directors worked independently to direct it, and 20 apathetic editors cobbled it together.
Independently.
To quote Roger Ebert, I hated, hated, hated, hated this movie.
mmm
The worst movie I ever saw in theaters was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the second in the Transformers live-action movie series.
Now you may go “Hey aren’t all the Transformers movies terrible” and I’d disagree. Transformers 1 was basically the best movie you were going to get out of a big budget studio with that premise. Was it a bad movie? Yes but it was at least somewhat entertaining. Are the movies after the 2nd bad? Yes, they are all terrible but not on the level of sheer awfulness that is Transformers 2. After ROTF the Transformers franchise simply got very lazy while ROTF actively went out of its own way to be terrible.
The film itself feels like it’s doubling-down on every single criticism of the first film. There’s too many humans and not enough robots fighting? Well the entire first act is the human character going to college to do a bunch of cliched and lazy college gags while robots just kind of occupy the background doing nothing. There’s too much childish/dumb humor? Well the film opens on two male dogs trying to have sex with each other and the humor doesn’t get any better from there. The robots are too one-dimensional personality wise? Well lets add in two robots who are the biggest and most offensive racial stereotypes ever despite the fact robots shouldn’t be racial caricatures of anything because they’re vehicles.
The first and third films in the trilogy are infinitely more watchable, as even in the 3rd film they decided to just make the second and third arcs entirely robot fighting, as opposed to stuffing it all in the last 30 minutes like the second one does.
Technically the worst films I’ve seen weren’t that bad as they came accompanied with Joel/Mike/Jonah and the bots’ snark. The worst film I remember watching from beginning to end without the MST3K treatment is “Smokin’ Aces”. My Dad’s friend had lent it to him, we watched it together and afterwards both agreed it was unmitigated crap from beginning to end. (If either of us had been watching alone it probably wouldn’t have lasted 15 minutes.)
Using this criteria, I’ll say Prometheus.
While The Motionless Picture and The Phantom Entertainment are in hindsight pretty poor, I did manage to enjoy both at the theater at the time.
I hated Prometheus, on the other hand, pretty much all the way through. It was painful, with stupid characters doing stupid things for no good reason - why were these morons even allowed into space in the first place, let alone be the crew handpicked by MegaWealthyGuy?
<devolves into incoherent growling>
Still pisses me off, and it’s the only movie I’ve ever left feeling angry and ripped off.
Plus eleventy seven plus 1.
Didn’t have the foggiest of what it was when I agreed to see it at the Valhalla in Glebe.
Stone cold sober. Dumbfounded. 40 years on and still none the wiser.
[it would be an interesting question as to which stimulant would be best to take before viewing Eraserhead]
This is the first movie that came to my mind, although I found it more tedious than nauseating.
Cosby told people not to watch this movie, he said it was awful. He went on talk to shows to pan it.
It’s hard to answer a question like this one. There’s the Worst Big Budget Film you ever saw, or The Biggest Disappointment, or The Worst Film Overall , By Anyone. There are lots of candidates, but I’m suirprised by the above.
First, I gotta agree that Joe vs. the Volcano doesn’t belong in this thread. It’s a highly stylized, very weird comedy. Technically, it’s a well-written, well-directed, well-acted film with decent special effects. It’s not a Bad Film.
There are the classic Bad Films that the filmmakers thought was Good, with low budgets, bad acting, and Bad Effects. I grew up watching a lot of these. Several involved actual talented people:
Plan Nine from Outer Space (with Bela Lugosi and Tor Johnson! directed by Ed Wood)
**Bridge of the Monster ** 9same comment)
Robot Monster (with music by Elmer Bernstein! And it was in 3D!)
Manos, the Hands of Fate (I never saw this until MST3K)
Tales from the Past (With John Carradine. and the best scenes were literally stolen from Roger Corman movies)
Spider Island
The Prehistoric Sound (AKA Sound of Horror– the worst Invisibility effects you’ll ever see. Starring Horror and Action movie queen Ingrid Pitt
Killers from Space starring a young Peter Graves (looking more like his brother James Arness than he ever did later on). The villains all wore stretchy leotards and had ping pong balls with pupils painted on tem placed over their eyes, which gave them a bug-eyed appearance I found creepy as a kid, but which looks unbelievably stupid when you’re an adult. I saw this one a LOT as a kid.
The thing is, I have to give some of these guys credit for trying. Robot Monster may be utterly stupid and awful, but two of the women remaining at the end are scientists, not fainting flowers needing rescue. Killers from Space features several scenes of otherworldly civilizations and cities, not just still images, but actual moving models – it’s trying to be Big Boy-Science Fiction on a nothing budget.
Naked Lunch.
My worst movie isn’t “Joe vs the Volcano” but another Tom Hanks movie, “Punchline”. You’d think a movie about stand-up comedy would be funny, right? Seriously, the only reason I didn’t walk out is because I kept thinking it would get better, but it never did. A friend of mine took me to see it for my birthday and apologized profusely afterwards.
“The Color of Night” was also spectacularly bad. I spent a lot of it wondering how and why they did that weird thing to Bruce Willis’ hair. I did this to distract myself from how bad the film was.
I don’t understand either the fierce love or the fierce hate people have for this film. There were some good bits (mostly involving the luggage), Tom Hanks was fine and the whole conversation about the “braincloud” was funny. But it also tried to be both meaningful and emotionally moving (OH LOOK - THERE IS THE CROOKED PATH MOTIF AGAIN) and in that it was fairly mediocre.
I liked Rogue One; it was The Force Awakens that annoyed me. Between Darth Emo and the rebels flying in and blowing up Death Star Mark III, it was boring as hell. Okay, it was better than the prequels but that’s a pretty low bar to clear.
Rogue One at least filled in some backstory and retconned in an explanation for the reason Death Star Mark I went kablooie. In fact the only things that bothered me were the preposterous “I can’t run fast enough but you should save yourself…but before that you should stand here for another minute for no good reason” thing and also the further evidence that Stormtrooper armor is even more pointless than previously thought. If you’re wearing full armor and can still be hurt by someone kicking you in the head, why wear the stupid thing?
Oh god…I had forgotten about Smokin’ Aces (or rather “Snatch without the intelligence, charm or coherence”). When you go to rip off someone else’s cinematic style and the person you pick is Guy Ritchie you’ve already shown that you make bad artistic choices.
This comment reminded me of of this one: Skyline.
An alien Invasion movie that takes place mostly in one apartment of people we don’t actually like. The “heroes” are so incredibly passive that in one scene, the people who made the film ended up playing it in fast-forward, because it’s literally nothing more than these idiots lying around the apartment for a day or two while the aliens take over the world around them.
Then they try to make it all better by making one of the guys have a “special brain” (or something) that the aliens want, that accidentally allows him a chance to Save The Girl. This story plays out almost entirely during the closing credits.
I just found out via Netflix that there’s a sequel. I’m tempted…
Wise Guys with Danny Devito and Joe Piscopo. A comedy with zero funny scenes or lines.
The film that springs to my mind is big budget Sci-Fi movie After Earth starring Will Smith and his real life son.
One of the many, many issues I had was the stupidity of one of the main plot points. Aliens have created creatures that attack humans. The artificially created creatures are blind… WHY? Why create a blind creature? But the creatures can sense fear. Humans see them, fear them, are detected and killed. But one day Will Smith found the way of beating the creatures. He saw one, was scared, it attacked him and it was physically grappling with him… When Will Smith became calm. Unafraid. The creature could no longer sense him. So let him go. So Will Smith could stab it to death.
Note humans in the film have long had faster than light space travel. Yet lack a weapon to kill these creatures from a distance. Like a spear…
TCMF-2L
(Quoted post snipped)
There was a movie?? I only remember 90 minutes of naked Jane March. And seeing Bruce Willis’ penis.
There have only been two movies that I walked out of at the theater. One was It Could Happen to You, in which Nicolas Cage was a cop who didn’t have enough cash to tip his waitress (Bridget Fonda) for lunch, so he tells her that, if he wins the lottery, he’ll give her half. Guess what happens?
The other was Tank Girl. Adaptation of a comic book starring Lori Petty as…something…in some type of post apocalyptic… something. I don’t remember. The movie was so bad that I walked out during the nude scene.
I saw the thread title and before even hovering I was thinking, “Man, I’ll bet someone puts Joe vs. the Volcano up against the wall.” Guess I nailed that! Regrettably, JvTV is nothing like a bad movie. In fact it is one of the few Hollywood films that remains relevant despite the comings and going of societal trends & attitudes. It’s fine if you can recognize recurring themes, but don’t blame the movie if you can’t work out what to make of them. It’s fucking timeless. To speak vehemently otherwise is to expose oneself as a nave at best, or at worst a discord-sowing Russian internet bot.
Tank Girl is wonderful because it’s a goofy adaptation of a goofy comic book series, and the acting is over the top campy on purpose. It’s a mockery of a story about people who think life itself is a mockery. The sound track is one of the best, and unsurprisingly draws heavily from a genre which refuses to take life seriously. Again, don’t blame the movie if you don’t get the joke.
I don’t understand very much of Fellini’s work, but I don’t blame him for that, I take it as a challenge (that, admittedly, I can’t be arsed to answer).
Now, you want a movie that is truly a waste of time and talent? Go with Interview With The Vampire. I got through it, but only out of curiosity. The book worked because Anne Rice walks you through all the brainwork Louis & Lestat (Claudia is remarkably underexplored) went through while coping with the peculiar difficulties inherent with their condition. But the film tried to do it with … well, hey look! Brad Pitt & Tom Cruise! Piece of crap movie making, right there.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Highlander 2.
Lol, I read the book… multiple times… when I was 10.
Eraserhead, sure
But I’ll also vote for Shoot the Moon. Truly terrible. Maybe no one else saw it.