That would be Even Cowgirls Get the Blues starring Uma Thurman. That would be a Gus Van Sant movie and his movies can be like Baz Luhrman’s. If they work, they work really well, if they don’t, they suck rocks. (And are also devided in a love-him-or-hate-him kind of thing.) Most critics hated ECGTB. So rest assured, you’re not alone.
I would also like to nominate the early Elijah Wood vehicle, North.
I’m afraid, I must agree with him.
It was awful, but I can’t even blame Van Sant. The simple truth is, you can’t film a Tom Robbins novel.
I felt that way too when I went to see it. The next time thought, I thought of it as a comedy rather then a sci-fi movie and I enjoyed far more.
You guys are for the most part picking either overrated movies or movies other people liked that you hated. You wanna see a bad movie? “Wild Orchids” with Mickey Rourke and Jacqueline Bisset and some model chick.
The Big Blue is the only film I’ve fallen asleep watching in a cinema. Astonishingly dull. Lots of water, though. I guess if your favorite color was blue, you might get something out of it. Actually, it’s a pretty good film to sleep through. No loud noises.
Storytelling by Todd Solondz is incomprehensibly bad. It’s like a particularly boring student film strung together from arthouse cliches. Most tellingly, they cut James van der “Dawson” Beek’s entire role, and the film still sucks unbelievably.
John Boorman’s Zardoz is also particularly dull. Some kind of science fiction fable with a deep and significant meaning regarding Sean Connery’s underpants. Actually John Boorman’s made a huge range of awful movies (am I the only one who didn’t like Point Blank? Excalibur is shot entirely in darkness with a plot that makes no sense), and Connery is in the top rank when it comes to stupid movies.
Raise the Titanic is even worse than John Cameron’s big ship movie. A particularly long and dull movie vaguely concerning some ship, I can recall no details of it. Cue lots of critics’ comments that if they ever did raise the Titanic, they should dump that movie in its place.
And obviously, anything featuring Burt Reynolds, Chevy Chase or Gary Oldman.
Any Tim Burton film, but MARS ATTACK was very very bad. Slapstick, unfunny.
Any Mel Brooks Film after about 1976, any Woody Allen after about 1990.
My all time worst which most here have probably never seen was THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY. Only film I ever walked out on. Unfunny, crude and racist.
Thank god I have escaped most of the rubbish here. People - don’t you read reviews before you go to the movies? Think how many brain cells you could have saved. how many extra hours of life you could have enjoyed!
[mumble] I like Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band [/mumble]
I’ll second Dungeons & Dragons. Even watching Jeremy Irons chew the scenery wasn’t entertaining.
And Spawn. My goddess. I want that time back, I want that money back and I want those brain cells back.
Then, there were the rentals:
The Ninth Gate. Actually, this was a really good movie, up until the end. Which wasn’t an end…aarggh. The last 30 seconds of this movie nullified the stuff that had gone before.
Monkeybone. This one seemed to have a lot going for it: Tim Burton, Brendan Frasier…we watched most of it on fast forward. However, that was better than
Meno’s Mind. Bruce Campbell. Some other Bruce. A sci-fi plot. A Square Dog/Two Left Shoes production. WORST MOVIE EVER. Even worse than Highlander II (Which I’ve never seen, BTW, trusting my friends to guide me right).
We couldn’t even finish it on fast-forward. With Monkeybone at least the plot loaf eventually showed up.
Now, roommate and I cringe any time we bring home an indie film that has Square Dog or Two Left Shoes logos…
With the glory of the VCR, now a movie can go straight to video, without having to pass through the saving filter of the theatre. Hence, we have such glories as:
Boa!: Dean Cain! A giant CGI snake! Amazingly stupid!
Deadly Invasion: Killer bees, and several Darwin Award nominees :rolleyes:.
And finally: Teenage Caveman. I have nothing to say about this movie, except that it sucked to such a total and cosmic degree that it actually caused physical pain. I feel sorry for anyone who was told that this could be their “first big break.” 
Ok, dig this-
Wax: or the Discovery of Television Among the Bees
Really. Dig a big hole and bury all copies of this pile of art-school wannabe crap. Be sure to note the location of the stash, so humanity can avoid that accursed place for the rest of time.
I got dragged to this inhumanly bad pile of stink by an ex-girlfriend who was very much into a weird “nothing is bad, everything is differently good” postmodern pretentious phase. She actually liked it, and went on and on about how it was an allegory or an anagram or something.
It’s a totally incoherent art film that involves splicing random shots of New Mexico in with CG clipart from an SGI workstation (IIRC, it was the “Dancing Skeleton” demo that came with the early Indys). It was billed as “The first movie broadcast over the internet”, but to pull that off would require redefining “movie” to mean “collecton of visual crap with narration”. Really, this thing makes Manos: Hands of Fate look like a good example of plot development and pacing.
A couple years ago I was behind someone in line at Blockbuster who had this movie in their hand. The guy behind the counter told them that he’d give them a refund if they returned it within an hour, because they’d gotten so many complaints about it.
Easy, these two are almost tied.
Battlefield: Earth I can’t beleive how bad this movie was. My brain wants to fold inside out when I think about this. It’s a black morass of film. I cannot fully articulate how much I hate this movie. I want to kill every single person who had anything to do with it being made. This is sci-fi with the emphasis on brain damaged. Unfathomably terrible. Watching this movie is like waking up from a nightmare into a vat of cockroaches gnawing on severed body parts. The story is a crime against humanity. Watching sumo wrestlers wearing nothing but clogs and rainbow wigs stomping on puppies and Burt Reynolds would have made for a better plot. I can’t grasp how this vile, vomitous, putrid, necrotic plie of rotting fleshy ooze ever got green-lighted and made.
Austin Powers, The Spy Who Shagged Me. Another film where the entire cast and crew should be put to death. An atrocity of unorginal jokes, repeated gags, it is awful awful awful awful. The jokes were funny in the first movie, stop using them over and over and over again in this one. Fat Bastard isn’t funny, neither is Mini-Me, ok? THEY ARE NOT FUNNY!!! THEY ARE TERRIBLE!! NOT FUNNY! Mike Meyers should be ashamed of himself. I can’t fathom the fact that there’s a third one coming out. If the scale of wretch is linear, then people will die of convulsions watching the new entry into the series. The first one was very funny, the second one was awful beyond human comprehension.
this one i saw in my installation art class a few years ago - they taped an actor and actress filming the same scene over and over. i wanted to punch the teacher for making us watch such an ill excuse for a film…
I can’t believe this thread is still going. I thought it was dead a long time ago.
Anyway, I attempted to watch A Beautiful Mind last week.
It sucked, in my opinion. Sucked so bad, in fact, that I FELL ASLEEP! I have never fallen asleep watching a movie IN MY LIFE. It was that boring to me.
In recent memory:
Star Wars: Episodes I and II
AI: Artificial Intelligence
Scary Movie
American Pie
However, “AI” was the most painful of the bunch.
-pinks
Oh gods what a piece of crap, you are right. I watched it on an airplane and felt like I would give in to the urge to bash my head through the window. I still do not understand the appeal of that film. I’m guessing that the disgustingly transparent “reality/insanity” gimmick pleased the simpler-minded portion of movie-goers (i.e. most of them) but it was so obvious, so evident, so predictable, so lacking in even in the most basic supportive pathos or finesse that I am astounded anyone took it (and the whole film) seriously. Even the lovely Jennifer O’Connelly could not save this film–not that she tried, mind you: at times I thought I was watching a performance by Princess Padme, only without light sabres or anything at all, really.
I thought Gladiator was piss-poor, but this film easily dwarves it on the shit-o-meter (at least Gladiator had some interesting colours and collision montages). Mr. Crowe, please retire before yet another one of your crap vehicles gets another wholly undeserved Oscar nomination. The Academy is dumb enough without the ridiculous effect you seem to have on them–why does everyone love this pudgy-faced, ill-tempered, bad actor?
But, in all fairness, A beautiful Mind was not as bad as battlefield Earth. I honestly don’t think anything could be! It’s the cinematography that really gets you; not only is the film bad enough well and beyond the emetic point, but the slanted camera angles are an active encouragement to make viewers vomit in complete disgust and nausea. A fitting production to be associated with Scientology.
I would like to second THE CREEPING TERROR. Really, this movie makes Manos look like an Oscar winner.
I have only three words…
Howard the Duck.
90 minutes…gone. 5 bucks…gone. My respect for George Lucas…gone.
You’re all simpering lightweights.
Big Money Hustla’s, starring those paragons of prose, Insane Clown Posse.
So bad.
Can’t make clean…
Originally I said Mission Impossible 2.
It has now been topped.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was pitiful. I know, I wasn’t expecting much anyway, but it was a slow day and it was on cable movies. Absolutely appalling. Characterisation (even a feint stab at it): none. Plot: incoherent. Action sequences: very, very average (with one decent exception). The cast: awful.
I had to be chemically restrained from removing my eyeballs with a wooden spoon after sitting through the first half hour of this greasy prolapse of a film.
Without any sort of competition, Dude Where’s My Car definately wins this one. That is by far the stupidest movie I have ever seen! That may appeal to some people, but not to me. I would never see it again if my life depended on it.
Isn’t it funny how the worst movies in all of human history have come out within the past few years? I wonder why that is? Oh I know: it’s because all you saps haven’t seen enough other movies to know what a TRULY terrible movie is.