The really most bad most god awful movies ever made thread.

Cafe Society
1

And I ain’t kidding.

I’m not talking major releases here. I’m talking movies you wonder how the hell they ever got released period.

My first nomination…

Cornman…That’s right Cornman.

I just picked up this little 4 movie set called Rural Folk. It contains…Cornman, Dogs in Quicksand, Inbred Rednecks and Super Badass.

The Gist of Cornman…Toxic waste in a cornfield. Cornman gets splashed and become gets the ability to communicate with corn.

The Players…

Butter boy…Cornmans sidekick.

Dr Hoe…The bad guy…He has a hoe as his right hand.

Waxy…Dr Hoe’s henchwoman…She decapitates people with her thighs.

Cornsparagus…Dr Hoe’s monstrosity.

Dr Hoe’s minions…these are the only smart people in the movie. They wear kerchiefs around their faces so you can’t recognize them.

The lead actor changes in the middle. I couldn’t determine if it was a plot device or the first actor just got tired of this drivel.

It’s actually fun to watch.

I can’t wait for the rest of the movies!
http://imdb.com/title/tt0295206/..It actually gets rated!

You have any to add?

2

I’m sorry guys and gals. I misclicked. Could this be moved to where it belongs?

Many thanks.

3

Does it still count if it’s been on Mystery Science Theater?

4

Feeders. Absolutely the worst. Finally found it at Amazon. In a few days I’ll be in heaven. Bad acting, direction and non-SpecialFX. Like scratching an itch, ecstacy.

5

Hmm…Rhymes with Reeder(s). :dubious:

6

The horror that is Kiss Her Goodbye.

7

Moving this from IMHO to Cafe Society.

8

Just a casual search on IMDB reveals more weird, campy movies all starring or worked on by the same bunch of people as cornman… Prison A-Go-Go, Zombie Campout

etc…

9

It’s hard to get much worse, and this is a movie that was meant to be taken seriously (I think, who knows) than Billy Jack.

10

I haven’t seen the other movies in this thread, but if there is a film out there that’s worse than Ankle Biters, I’d be amazed.

11

Only Mostly Missus thought it would be HIGH-larious to give me a gag gift two Christmases ago (thankfully along with real gifts): Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Not the MST3K dubbed movie, but the honest-to-Og original.

Things may have been fine if we’d just laughed at the gag gift and I tossed it in a junk drawer (or the garbage). But I kept it around, and a week or two later, we were bored enough to watch it. Now we keep it to torture friends around Christmastime as we both mysteriously need to leave the room on various errands and emergencies for the entire 81 minutes it takes to show. We plan to do the same to our kids one day (assuming by that time in the not-near future we still have a functioning VCR to play the tape). I really hope the kids don’t actually LIKE it.

12

I saw a film on TV called Tales rom the Past. It’s listed on the IMDB as Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors (Not to be confused with Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors, which is actually a decent flick*). http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0348672/

John Carradine and Lon Chaney Jr., fer cryin’ out loud, in an anthology of “horror” stories that are badly plotted, badly acted, and with “twist” endings you can see from a mile away. The best parts of this film are the shots lifted intact from Roger Corman’s The Raven (and already re-used by Corman in The Terror)

(*Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors:

vidently there’s a 1943 anthology film of the same name, which I’ve never seen.)

13

Plan 9 From Outer Space

So bad, it’s…really, really bad.

14

Assuming we are only talking about real movies, e.g. made by professionals and released in theatres - by which standard the oft-cited “Manos: The Hands of Fate” does not qualify, and I’m not sure “Zombie Campout” does, either - the worst I’ve ever seen, far and away, is “Highlander II: The Quickening.”

I don’t really know how it could be possible to make a worse movie.

“Highlander II” attains, if that’s the right word, a nadir of suckitude that, prior to seeing it, I would not have imagined possible. Actually, COULDN’T have imagined possible; the level of its putridness went beyond the conceivable parameters of cinema suckosity, and its suckitude seeped into all that surrounded it. It made other movies showing at the multiplex at the same time worse than they otherwise would have been, just by its proximity. It made me a worse person for having watched it. It despoiled the very money with which I paid for the horror of seeing it, currency that I am sure was eternally cursed by association, and which doubtlessly brought misfortune and suffering to all who handled it from that day forward.

As a matter of fact, the multiplex it was shown it ended up going out of business, the only modern multiplex I’ve ever heard of that did that. Coincidence? Not a chance, Vance. “Highlander II” was like a infectious disease, an E. cinema, a sort of supernatural rot. It hurt the soul. It made the baby Jesus cry. It made the babies Buddha, Mohammed, and Cthlulu cry. The very force of its suckness was beyond the measuring capacity of any scientific instrument designed by man.

I could explain why it sucked, but really, there isn’t enough time in my life to do so. Every scene, every word, every shot, ever single frame sucked, but more than sucking individually, they combined in sucking ways to attain a perfect synchronicity of suck. I can’t describe how bad it was; there aren’t words that would do the job. I would tell you that you should watch it to see how bad it was, but no, you really shouldn’t. I don’t hate anyone that much.

15

Glen or Glenda is almost as bad. Practically unwatchable.

16

Have you noticed that even TBS and the USA network rarely play Speed 2?

I tried watching Wet Hot American Summer this past weekend. Boy, did that suck. The problem wasn’t that it was stupid and formulaic in a jiggly way: I was expecting, even hoping, for that kind of formula. Nope, it actually tried to do something with the genre, but it was so dull, uninspired, and poorly written, I couldn’t believe it.

17

The Saucy Liverpool Lass Who Is Really The Terror Of The Deep? The horror!

Now that would be a great bad movie.

18

Last week I saw the worst Christian movie ever-

“a bad Christian movie! Why so shocked? aren’t most of them?”

Well, kinda, but this was the worst-

DARK HEAVEN

a mix of 28 DAYS LATER, LEFT BEHIND and JACOB’S LADDER -

a police officer awakens in an almost deserted world, encountering a deranged priest, a repentant criminal, a metallic angel, static-faced cloaked demons, and occasional zomboids with Eye-In-Triangle 666 Marks- he flashbacks to his loving & religious wife, her dying in childbirth, and his lying in the hospital with a bullet wound in his head- he struggled to get into this church & to figure out from the Bible what’s happening.

You can almost figure out the end from here.

Now for the worst part (except for the brief male full monty- Yes, you read that right- in a Christian movie)-

the worst part isn’t that the movie was preachy.

the worst part is that the movie was so NON-preachy, it had nothing to say.

No, apparently the filmmakers wanted their message of faith & redemption to be subtle & symbolic so that an obsession with getting into a church & reading the Bible replaced a real trusting of God/JC.

And that is why this movie was…
wait for it…
WORSE THAN THE OMEGA CODE!!!

The horror! The horror!

19

For a combination of snuff-porn loathsomeness and sheer relentless dumbness, it’s hard to beat The Hollow Man starring Kevin Bacon. From first scene to last, a movie that doesn’t merely insult the intelligence of the viewer, but actually seeks to crawl in through your eyes, knock your brain down and sit on it. This movie hates you. You won’t be able to shower enough after having watched it.

20

I give you The Item.

And no, I never have finished watching it. You can’t make me.