In recent years Resident Evil 2 and Cabin Fever have replaced Wing Commader as the standard by which I measure all bad movies.
Marc
I give you…
The Giant Spider Invasion
Very Bad Things has been cited before, and it’ll be cited again: a truly vile, abhorrent piece of cinema. What makes it even worse is that whoever released it presumably though that it was funny.
Of the 50 or so MST3K episodes I’ve seen, The Beast of Yucca Flats has been by far the most unwatchable of the bunch. I mean, Space Mutiny and Manos are horrible films, but like Ed Wood films they are easiy to enjoy if you’re in a mocking mood. They are films I could enjoy without Jike and the bots. But The BoYF, however, is basically a story about absolutely nothing and told in the most annoying fashion I’ve ever seen on film.
The Postman, comes to mind.
One of the worst I’ve seen is the 1978 Michael Caine “starrer” The Swarm. Scientists Caine and Henry Fonda try and help save America from a huge, ravenous swarm of bees, which may kill lots of innocent townsfolk like Olivia de Havilland. It’s very very bad, and it’s WAY too long - 2 1/2 hours.
The Star Wars-wannabe Message from Space - what was it about 1978? - was also awful.
But I’ve never sat through anything as painful as the soul-shredding terror that is Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? It’s pretentious, it’s terrible. It’s a musical starring Anthony Newley, and it has Milton Berle and Joan Collins.
No way. Someone besides me, my sister, and husband (his rental choice - and a bad one, at that) has seen this?! I’m floored.
jimpatro’s right: it’s awful. But the best parts are when the actors struggle with the alien puppets. No only do the alien puppets look like they’re made from paper mache, you can see how the actors are holding the aliens up to their necks or whatnot to make it look like they’re attacking. My one-year-old niece has better attack scenes.
It’s a riot.
What, no mention of Clan of the Cave Bear yet?
I’m sorry, folk, I believe you’ve forgotten Tourist Trap, starring the great Chuck Conners.
It’s a bad cross between Psycho and the Texas Chainsaw Masacre. How the rubes at IMDb gave it a 4.9 is beyond me. But I will say it’s (unintentionally) funny. My friends and I used to break it out every so often for a good laugh.
Carry on…
Battlefield Earth made Plan 9 seem well written. Everything about it was gloriously awful and all the plot points were preposterous. And it is a blueprint for how to badly overact and how not to direct a scene. Only a brainwashed member of a bizaare cult could see anything good in it.
Oh, wait a minute :smack: . . . . that was its target audience!
Oh, c’mon, that whole hallucination scene in the middle – “Bevare, bevare” – it’s, um, practically unwatchable.
twicks, who owns a copy 
Da Hip-Hop Witch.
Watch it and know that I am right.
Freddy Got Fingered. I saw it a couple of years ago and I’ve been scrubbing my brain with steel wool ever since to erase its memory.
Let’s not even mention anything with “Count Yorga” in the title.
You’d think that a movie with Vincent Price and Frankie Avalon about an evil scientist who creates bikini-clad robots who charm men out of their money would be Quality Cinema. And yet, strangley, I couldn’t even get more than 20 minutes into Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine.
The Yin and Yang of Mr. Go was equally as hideous.
And yet they are all the apex of Quality Cinema compared to Wagner. I challenge any Doper to get through the first three hours of that dreck.
Well, there is some bizarre entertainment value to Bela Legosi popping up at random and spouting incredibly bizarre lines with no context in the midst of a story about transvestites.
“Puppy dog tails, and big ugly snails…PULL THE STRINGS!”
Well, there’s some sub-category that accounts for the quantity of media coverage for the movie in some kind of maximum suckitude times coverage factor.
Maybe not the winner, but at least a contender is of course everybody’s favorite Bennifer swan-song about a lesbian hit-woman who falls in love with a man, “Gigli”.
That’s what I gathered it was about from the media, anyway, I didn’t actually watch enough to discover if that was the plot. If true, of course, the plot puts it in contention already. But man, is it bad! It was on cable the other day and after accidentally clicking on it, it turned into an endurance contest between the two of us watching – who will crack first and beg for it to be turned off?
I think it lasted 45 seconds or so. Well, actually a couple minutes, but I’m not counting the time that Al Pacino was on. I’m not sure if it was really Ben Affleck, or just a propped-up dummy. J-Lo did, in fact, move and speak, but not actually act. I’m not sure if she hadn’t read the script, or maybe she thought she was just doing a technical walk-through and didn’t realize this was the actual take.
At a horror film fest once, I saw “Dark Heirtage”. It was an uncredited adapation of Lovecraft’s “The Lurking Fear”.
The problem is: It sucks in every way imaginable.
It’s made in 1989, but looks like it was made in the early 1970’s. The actors aren’t even good enough to be B actors, but are down on the C Tier. It’s almost as if the director recruited his actors from gas station attendents. The characters are brain-dead, the pacing is slow, and there are numerous plot holes.
And there’s a “twist” ending, that makes no sense at all and wasn’t in the original story.(Lovecraft liked “Twist” endings, but he never wrote one that bad).
If you were actually expecting it to be an 1980s-style summer camp movie instead of a parody of 1980s-style summer camp movies, which is what Wet Hot was, I can see being disappointed. I thought it was very funny, but taste is in the eye of the whatever whatever whatever… anyway, “boy did that suck” does not compare with the “AAAAAGH, MY EYES!” reaction some of these other movies inspire.
Anybody here ever see The Lonely Lady?
OK, Case Sensitive, I have to disagree with you. “Very Bad Things” was hilarious. I can never keep a straight face watching it.
A bad movie is something like The Terror of Tiny Town.
I dare you. I dare you. You’ll be begging for VBT when this movie is over.
The weird thing about Glen or Glenda is that—as hilariously awful as it is—it’s also the only film (to this day!)—that accurately and sympathetically explains the difference between homosexuals, transvestites and transsexuals.