I am the mother of an 18 year old and 12 year old and my parenting is inept at best. 
I suck at discipline and am now reaping what I’ve sown with the 18 year old. I know that it has come to the necessity of taking away her iPhone that I paid/pay for, but I just can’t do it. It’s like in my mind, the whole world will just come crashing down.
Have you had experience with this? Did the world stop spinning when you took action? What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do this??
Hang out on yahoo comments, those sites are full of people who brag about how they beat their kids. You’ll feel a lot better about your parenting style after that.
As a non-parent, I have no useful advice. However the teenage and 20s are very tumultuous for a lot of people. So if your kids aren’t what you want or expect them to be as teenagers, I wouldn’t take that to mean they will still have tons of trouble in a decade.
Flush that phone down the fucking toilet.
What is making it necessary for you take her phone?
Since she is 18 simply tell her that she is financially responsible for it now.
Aren’t you the person who has your ex husband still living with you even though you don’t want him there? That would make me wonder if you are used to putting other people’s needs ahead of your own and maybe have a hard time standing up for yourself.
A lot of people out there will walk all over you if you let them. If this is a pattern, it might be worth talking to a counselor or therapist about how you can learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself.
You don’t have to take her cell phone. Just go to the provider, and remove the phone from your plan. Tell your daughter that she can pay for her own service now.
Second that one. Remove her from your plan. Make her pay her own damned cellphone bill.
Yes, you are reaping what you sow. I don’t know why it’s hard for you to discipline your children, as I have never had any problems with the act of disciplining mine…they screw up, they get punished (well, the one (5yrs)…my youngest is a month old, so there’s no discipline for him yet obviously…). I’ve never had to spank my kids, and I hope I never will, but my daughter understands that bad actions = she loses something she cares about, whether that’s TV for the day, a toy, her time, or whatever…
At this stage, just take the damn phone. Is your kid going to lash out? Yeah, probably. And if you give in, it’ll be ten times worse the next time. Kids that never have consequences imposed on them will end up doing whatever the heck they want until someone DOES give them consequences, whether that be being kicked out of school, being fired from a job, or being put in jail.
Take her off your plan. Immediately. If she wants it so bad, she can pay for it.
Yes. She is 18. She’s an adult.
Also, “inept” is the top rating in parenting skills. You could have done so much worse.
Thanks for your answers. I am seeing a counselor, along with her. I have to presume when you say to take it away and tell her to pay for it, you mean that if she does not have income then tough cookies. She does not have an income, so taking her phone away would mean she would not have her phone. Sadly, I just feel like it is her lifeline and yanking it away would be so extreme. I just don’t know if I could brave her wrath, plus I’d feel sorry for her. I know, I am twisted. That’s why I come here, to hear “sane” answers.
Its just a phone, tell her she can make calls at a phone booth or when she gets home to a landline
Or it would mean that she might have to figure out how to obtain an income. 18 is certainly old enough to have a part time job to pay for things you want. This can be very effective training for later in life, when presumably she will need to work to obtain the things she wants.
I think you need to look specifically at what you think the consequences will be if you take away her phone (or implement other punishments), and how bad those consequences would be. This is definitely an issue to be raised with the counselor. You are not doing your children any favors by giving them everything they want and not teaching them responsibility.
You tell us what’s the worst that can happen. In your mind, what will happen? You’ll be yelled at? Yes, probably. And, as the most confrontation-averse person on the planet, I empathize with being scared of that. But is it really so awful as whatever’s caused you to need to take away the phone?
What’s the worst that can happen? She’ll hate you forever? Unlikely. Be very very mad, sure. But love is a lot stronger than people give it credit for, especially a daughter’s love for her mother, especially once she reaches her mid-20’s.
What’s the worst that can happen? She’ll physically attack and harm you? That should give you pause, if it’s a realistic concern. If so, then a phone is the least of your worries.
What’s the worst that can happen? You’ll continue your pattern of codependency and live your life as servant and harbor for people who can’t get their shit together, living out their dreams instead of your own? Ahhh. Now that sounds much more likely to me. And that’s something that only you can decide if you want to change.
Two questions:
Lifeline to what?
What is she doing with it that forces you to take it away?
A phone booth? What’s that? 
Taking away her phone will just piss her off. It’s throwing gas on the fire. It won’t solve the real problem.
And that’s the key… figuring out what the real problem is.
When you figure out what the real problem is, work on fixing it.
The worst that could happen? She’ll run away from home, hook up with the wrong kind of people, get addicted to heroin, and have to turn tricks to support her habit. She’ll contract a couple of STDs and give birth to babbies who have to go through withdrawal in the maternity ward nursery.
Or she’ll throw a tantrum at you, and if you don’t give her what she wants, she’ll tell her friends how mean you are and give you the rolling eyes and silent treatment for a while. Until she wants to borrow your car or some money to buy some clothes. Then she’ll be nice and normal to you for a while.
This.
(and make her pay for her own shit!)