One big danger of alcohol use (and other mood-altering drugs) before arriving at emotional maturity (not just restricted to young people but they are particularly at risk for this): These substances make one feel good even when one doesn’t have a legitimate reason to feel good. This can be very problematic. Feeling bad because you’ve got a big project due in 3 days? Functional response is to do the work, finish the project, feel good. Dysfunctional response is to have another drink, feel good but when the drink wears off, bad feelings return. So have another drink. Death spiral may ensue.
Well, for the first statement, I haven’t stepped foot into an AA meeting in over 15 years. I hated AA. But, because I had to take myself out of a life-threatening/jail-hanging-over-your-head kind of thing, I went through a 4-day detox, then a 30-day women’s recovery program and then a 6 month halfway house. AA is pretty much forced on you in those situations. Again, I hated AA. Didn’t enjoy at all sitting around listening to people talk about their “glory days”. I got a job during my stint in the halfway house and haven’t looked back.
If I’m a fanatic, then I’m in glorious company. If you disagree with me that’s fine, everybody is entitled to their opine. I’m a fanatic because I’ve seen the hell that is alcoholism. You’re lucky you’ve not experienced it. When you “come to” with bruises and cuts and not knowing if you’ve been sexually taken advantage of or are literally lying in the street not knowing how you got there how can you justify that? There is no rationalization in the world that would make me now think that’s okay. I’m actually quite proud of my ability to turn my life around and if fanaticism is part of it, okay by me.
I feel pity for people who must drink in order to have a good time. Truth be told, life isn’t as FUN as it once was. But I’m alive and can convincingly say that had I not made a change I probably wouldn’t be.
Also, like I mentioned above, I’d love to be able to drink like a normal person. I’m afraid of that first drink. One’s too many, and a thousand are not enough.
My name is Lucy, and I am an Alcoholic. There are those who would toss in the additional label (which I hesitate to use): Recovering Alcoholic. It’s been a long road, so far:
8466 Days. (For those of you who are unwilling to do the math, that’s 23 years, 2 months, 10 days) And still counting.
Yet I know I have much farther to go. Nods all around to those who understand that, though I can number those sober days (right down to the hours and minutes, actually) I continue to acknowledge the fact that I am still an Alcoholic.
I was a fully functional alcoholic. I’m still not sure how I got through my drinking days without killing someone or putting someone in the hospital, because I was always the one who drove the gang home.
Vodka Gimlets. 4:1, not those wimpy 3:1 drinks. I think that’s what really started the downward spiral for me. Did I mention that I was a fully functional alcoholic?
Yep. Right up 'till that last weekend. I’ll spare you the details, but I finally managed to scare the hell out of myself, and I was at home crawling out of my own bed when it happened.
Spooky part about this thread? I hear ‘my long ago self’ in every single argument in defense of drinking. I said it all, at one time or another. Two things from this thread that I wish I had said, though. The first:
OG, how I wish I’d said that. I’ve read an awful lot of purported definitions of alcoholism and drug addiction, but that is by far one of the truest. It’s not the substance so much as the addiction and what you’re willing to do / go through to sustain that addiction, without regard how many casualties fall in your wake.
Point here: I do not now, nor have I, nor will I ever agree with any of the zero tolerance shit. Many of my drinking associates of ages past are doing fine with their lives. Some exceedingly well. And I still go out to bars and go dancing with my wife of nearly twenty years who, BTW, still drinks. It bothers me not at all to be around her when she drinks, because she always (what’s the new PC term? Oh, yeah …) she always drinks responsibly.
Here is the second thing from this thread that I wish I’d said:
(Color change mine, for emphasis)
Understand this: I still live in mortal fear of those Vodka Gimlets. To wit:
“To those of you who understand, no explanation is necessary. For those of you who do not understand, no explanation will ever suffice.”
(I wish I could remember who said that … they deserver proper credit here.)
Lucy
You’ve made some excellent points, but I’m going to call bullshit on this one (if I understand you correctly). At one time in my life, I hated my drinking and what I had become, but the thought of going a single day without a drink was just impossible. I know, I tried. I accepted the fact that I was going to die a drunk, whether it was in a year of fifty years. Granted, not all alcoholics have this experience, but it’s common enought not to be unusual. I’m still not sure of the reason I quit; it was probably a lot of reasons. But just wanting to stop was only the teensiest part of it.
(Italics added for emphasis)
If I were the religious type, I would say, “Amen” or maybe “Yeah, brothers and sisters …” or sumpin’ silly like that.
But I’m not, so I’ll go with a more mundane, “Ditto”.
Lucy
(Sorry, shoulda gone with bold the first time … :wally )
I wish I were a good enough writer to explain this to you. But instead I’ll suggest you go pick up the book “Bobos In Paradise” and read it cover to cover.
Oh, what the hell, I’ll try anyway. Basically, in synthesizing the bourgeois and bohemian cultural poles of the 20th century, we are now coming up with a hybrid culture that somewhat reconciles the two. The bourgeois culture was plenty judgemental about alcoholism, although it was a fairly straightforward moral concern. Nowadays there’s still plenty of judgement, but the sin is not against god; it’s against safety and health. Responsible pleasure and self-improvement are the gods we worship now. Thus, alcoholism, smoking, not having regular sex with condoms, and eating the Wrong Foods are now the ultimate sins. (You can get a waiver on the Wrong Foods if you are building your skills as a gourmet chef, because that counts as serious self-improvement). So, in our new secular religion, health and safety trump all concerns. Alcoholics are heretics. And don’t ever let anyone tell you it isn’t a religion, because it is. We just worship our own virtuous selves instead of gods.
If you can’t tell, personally I don’t care for the new religion any more than I do the old ones.
I don’t think you are understanding me correctly. I don’t mean to say that if you want to stop you will be able to. What I mean to say is that you can’t even begin the process of controlling your drinking unless you admit it has become a problem (if it has). Its very easy to just write it off as “hey, I’m a fun party guy” or “everyone’s doing it” or whatever.
See, this is part of it. Like the self-sealing logic you used (i.e.: if you don’t agree with me THEN YOU JUST DONT UNDERSTAND THAT IM RIGHT ABOUT THIS, or YOU HAVE A PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITION THAT PREVENTS YOU FROM SEEING THAT I AM CORRECT you want to link a subjective, personal experience to external debates about the nature and general progression of alcoholism which are well outside just your personal experience.
Thanks for the clarification. We agree.
At 16, I was a good student, had lots of friends, was involved in a million activities, was a good part-time employee, and my life seemed to be headed nowhere but up. But I was drinking every chance I could. Which wasn’t every day, since I hadn’t worked out a good way to get it every day. But if I could have, I would. Drinking was fun, and I really had no interest in a life that didn’t involve alcohol.
By 22 I had gone from being a straight A student to flunking out of college, incapable of holding down a job, hiding in my house with the blinds drawn, not answering the phone or reading the mail, malnourished, underweight, jaundiced, and physically incapable of functioning in just about any capacity. I was just lucky that i got desperate enough to want to stop drinking before it did. Of course, I thought my life was over at that point. What could I do without drinking?
I’m fully confident that if I hadn’t reached that point of desperation, I would have been dead within another six months. Lots of people don’t make it to 30, even though at 16 that looks like a lifetime away. At 16, my remaining drinking lifetime was less than half of that 14-year span.
I’ve come to be grateful for my short drinking career and early chance to get myself back on track. I was able to discover that when my entire life isn’t spent either planning for my next drink, drinking that next drink, or recovering from that last drink, I actually have time to do a whole lot of things. So far it’s been 10,811 days that I’ve been able to enjoy my life without being consumed by that obsession. Just getting out of that mental endless loop has been the best reward of not drinking any more. It’s amazing what you can do with your mind when you actually use it. I have zero problem being around true social drinkers, but for me, the phrase “No, thank you” is my all-purpose answer when offered a drink.
I’ve found that, as a general rule, the people who simply cannot conceive of a life that doesn’t involve drinking who are the ones who seem to need it the most. This is a personal observation, not a scientific conclusion, so there’s no need to point out to me that you’re the exception to this statement. The vast majority of the people I know, however, first sought help not to stop drinking but to learn how to drink without getting in trouble. For them, like me, however, by the time they’re at that point, controlling their drinking is no longer an option; the drinking controls you. One’s too many, and a thousand are not enough. In fact, I’ve not met too many people who felt the need to rigidly control the amount they drink who didn’t already have a problem with it. Social drinkers just don’t seem to think that way.
My husband, who’s also sober, stopped off a few years at an old bar he used to play darts at regularly. It had been over 20 years since he had been inside the place. There was one guy who was still propped up on the last barstool on the end, nursing the same drink he’d been drinking the last time my husband had been in that bar. The guy looked up blearily at him, recognized him, and said, “How you doing? Haven’t seen you around for a while.” And then went back to drinking. I’m glad that didn’t turn out to be my life.
Sometimes leaping into the great unknown of a life without alcohol can turn out to produce a pretty darned good result.
Bolding added.
Badge of honor.
Wear It Proud.
Lucy
If you’re not an alcoholic then you DON’T understand. Period.
I’m through with this thread now. It’s unfortunate to me that I feel I have to justify my recovery to anyone. Lucy, Qad, Mama, et al have made very intelligent statements and they UNDERSTAND. They’ve been to the same place as I, have seen that it’s crap and don’t want to return. Where’s the problem? If you’ve not seen that place how can you provide accurate opinion? It’s almost like saying, well, I’ve never been to *New Orleans but I think it’s dirty, ugly and unenticing. I really don’t know anything about New Orleans, because I’ve not been there IRL but have come to a conclusion based upon no personal experience.
If this analogy is off, I’m sorry. I’m twisted by some of the statements made here.
*no offense intended to N’Awlins folk, like I said, I’ve not been there and use of your fair city was just pulled out of my ass.
You want to blow an alcoholic’s mind? Recovering or not? Leave part of a drink behind.
I have done this around Mama Tiger before (she’s my mom) and we’ve talked about this sort of stuff. I mean, how I could I leave perfectly good alcohol? Because I’ve had enough, that’s why! Enough? What’s that?
There really is a difference in thinking between true alcoholics and the rest of us.