I complain very much about any problem I have. People first give me some hardly implementable advice and then :mad::mad::mad:. Nevertheless ,talking about my issues does help. I even take the best 5% of advice.
Many men in my situation do not complain and ruin their lives by drugs, alcohol, motorcycles. At least maybe I have a chance to see the World in 2050.
Why are you “complaining” about your problems and not “discussing” them? Are the people who you talk to about your problems always annoyed with you?
What does being passive-aggressive (or not) have to do with booze and/or motorcycles?
Maybe the problems do not have easy one step solutions. Maybe I need to hear a hundred advices to take one.
Everyone has their own assortment of problems.
The world would be a very loud place if everyone constantly complained about them, though.
It is also exhausting being a good listener. Sitting there, pretending to care, trying to think of the right thing to say, waiting for a break so you can either escape or change the topic.
Complaining is a symptom. A mechanism.
You’ve noticed you complain. Others don’t. Why is that?
Your problems are worse than theirs?
Your problems are insurmountable?
People inflict harm on you to a degree they don’t inflict harm on others?
There’s nothing wrong or immoral about complaining. But no one gives a shit about your problems. Only you can live your life.
I don’t know if what you’re describing is really passive-agressive behavior, although it can manifest itself by asking for advice, then not taking it. I see passive-agressive behavior as not owning your anger or hostility by masking it in cryptic ways.
Some ways that I’ve seen it (my mother-in-law was classic)
[ul]
[li]“Hey, can’t you take a joke?!” He’s telling you here that it’s your fault that you’re embarrassed if he jerks down your pants or throws you in the pool at a pool party.[/li][li]“I love the way you can just throw any old thing on.” She’s telling you that you wear crappy clothes, but call her on it, and she’ll act hurt that you took her compliment the wrong way. Remember, it’s never her fault.[/li][li]Habitually run late.[/li][li]Agree to some task, then habitually forget to do it. (I’ve been guilty of this). I don’t want to mow the damn lawn, but I’m too much of a wuss to just come out and say it. But if you get mad, you’ll just hurt my feelings for “forgetting” it.[/li][/ul]
Passive-Aggressive is written into the Minnesota State Constitution and mandated as a Way of Life.
I’m sure of it.
nm
Having spent so much time and energy getting my PhD in '08 and now being an almost unpaid intern 3 years, yes it is impossible. I dont know how 2 live on my own.
They deal with their problems in a more destructive way.
Maybe. But why are you using the word “complaining” to describe how you talk about your problems. If you say you complain, that makes it sound like the other person doesn’t want to listen to you but you talk anyway. Why are you doing this? Maybe you should consider other ways of dealing with your problems where you are not such a burden to other people.
I know I’m arm chair psychoanalyzing here from just a few sentences. It might be the case that your problems are pretty severe and being annoying is the only way to deal with them. (E.g. I seem to irritate a lot of people who don’t want to accommodate my hearing loss.)
And you regard this as a dichotomy? Complain or destroy yourself are the only options? You don’t think there are other ways to deal with problems?
There must be some people around you who deal with their problems by trying to solve them - they’re common on my planet.
How is it possible to force someone to listen over the Internet? In person it is, but online those who are not interested do not read.
I have been trying so long.
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
(I have no idea what this thread is about, really. Just thought I’d mention that the first google search I ever did that led me (eventually) to this board was what is passive-aggressive, after a coworker and I got into an argument about the definition.)
Are those your only two choices? Either force people to listen or keep complaining?
Anyone who is not interested will not read.
Can you talk to someone who is interested?
Wrong.