- You gotta have a name if you wanna sing the blues. It’s similar to your hooker name - here’s the way it works: the first part is a verb (lose the ending “g”), the second part is a disease condition, and the third part is your real last name. So for somebody named Bob Smith you could have:
Wailin’ Cancerous Smith
Runnin’ Asthmatic Smith
Strummin’ Diabetic Smith
Slidin’ Arthritic Smith
-and so on.
–Another alternative is to use a name of a soul food instead of the disease condition for the second part. Such as:
Slippin’ Cornbread Smith
Sneakin’ Chitlin Smith
Snorin’ Hogsfeet Smith
Bleedin’ Rhubarb Smith
-and so on.
Exception #1: The verb “Howlin’” is reserved for blues royalty of sorts. You cannot make yourself a “Howlin’”, you have to be promoted to it.
Exception #2: --If you’re female, you also have the option to use your first name in place of your last name, but only if it’s a blues name, such as Bessie, Sally or Lucile.
Got that? ~ Flappin’ Arthritic Cimperman
Fartin Lactose-Intolerant Horn
hmmm…maybe I need to think about that a little more.
Lickin Fried Chicken Horn
awright!
Babblin’ Acid-Reflux Larsen
Damn, with a name like that, I’m goin’ places! And somewhat noisily, too!
Slappin’ Comatose Fire
Kick-ass!
Let’s see…
Big Daddy Pigfoot
Hophead Harvey The Honkin’ Hurricane
Tornado Jones
Ham Dammered and the Max Swacko Orchestra
I’ll check in with some more.
I have an ACTUAL blues name, thank you very much.
My high-school music teacher dubbed me “Heavy-Moanin’ D”
Today, I’m
Groanin’ Menstrual-Cramps Bean
Roarin’ Progeria Nenno
I’m not very good at this.
Burnin’ Syphyllis BlueSky
I’M JOKING
Spankin’ Rheumatism Perry
Dyin’ Dyin’ Perry
Sleepin’ Chitlins Perry
Forgettin’ Amnesia Perry
Understandin’ OCD Perry
Borin’ Old Beans Perry
That ought to be it…
Oh, and Big Black Mama (Better watch out, she’s ready to whack you with her wooden spoon!)
Chlamydia Clyde and the Syphillis Sisters
“Dry Heaves” Jeeves (drummer)
“Delirium Tremens” Clemmens
Vaneece Grease and the Ham Hocks
Defrocked Father Michael O’Mally and the Apostate
Transexual Nuns
Intrudin’ Diphtheric Price
Knittin’ Spina Bifida Price
Subcontractin’ Acromegalic Price
Materializin’ Botulism Price
Fraternizin’ Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever Price
Reproducin’ Legionnaire’s Disease Price
Spelunkin’ Pneumoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis Price
Whimperin’ Pattern-Baldness Skinner
I’ve got my own bluesman’s name, although the criterion that inspired it is admittedly obscure: I’m Screamin’ Blind Byrdman, purveyor of the birdcall blues.
Fallin’ Bursitis Jones.
I’m lucky, with a last name like “Jones”, everything sounds good!
Upchuckin’ Salmonella Jones
Jivin’ Jaundice Jones (for alliterative effect)
Gallopin’ Gout Daddy
Wheezin’ Flat-foot Mayes
Li’l Chicken Soup
Man, I be WAY out front on dis one, y’all.
Busted Levee Bluesman, the Bluesman from the Delta
Doc “Frozen Pizza” Pinky
Wombat. Kiosk. Credenza…spoon!