What's Your Blues Name?

  • You gotta have a name if you wanna sing the blues. It’s similar to your hooker name - here’s the way it works: the first part is a verb (lose the ending “g”), the second part is a disease condition, and the third part is your real last name. So for somebody named Bob Smith you could have:
    Wailin’ Cancerous Smith
    Runnin’ Asthmatic Smith
    Strummin’ Diabetic Smith
    Slidin’ Arthritic Smith
    -and so on.
    –Another alternative is to use a name of a soul food instead of the disease condition for the second part. Such as:
    Slippin’ Cornbread Smith
    Sneakin’ Chitlin Smith
    Snorin’ Hogsfeet Smith
    Bleedin’ Rhubarb Smith
    -and so on.
    Exception #1: The verb “Howlin’” is reserved for blues royalty of sorts. You cannot make yourself a “Howlin’”, you have to be promoted to it.
    Exception #2: --If you’re female, you also have the option to use your first name in place of your last name, but only if it’s a blues name, such as Bessie, Sally or Lucile.
    Got that? ~ Flappin’ Arthritic Cimperman

Fartin Lactose-Intolerant Horn

hmmm…maybe I need to think about that a little more.

Lickin Fried Chicken Horn


Babblin’ Acid-Reflux Larsen
Damn, with a name like that, I’m goin’ places! And somewhat noisily, too!

Slappin’ Comatose Fire


Let’s see…

Big Daddy Pigfoot

Hophead Harvey The Honkin’ Hurricane

Tornado Jones

Ham Dammered and the Max Swacko Orchestra

I’ll check in with some more.

I have an ACTUAL blues name, thank you very much.

My high-school music teacher dubbed me “Heavy-Moanin’ D”


Today, I’m

Groanin’ Menstrual-Cramps Bean

Roarin’ Progeria Nenno
I’m not very good at this.

Burnin’ Syphyllis BlueSky


Spankin’ Rheumatism Perry
Dyin’ Dyin’ Perry
Sleepin’ Chitlins Perry
Forgettin’ Amnesia Perry
Understandin’ OCD Perry
Borin’ Old Beans Perry

That ought to be it…

Oh, and Big Black Mama (Better watch out, she’s ready to whack you with her wooden spoon!)

Chlamydia Clyde and the Syphillis Sisters
“Dry Heaves” Jeeves (drummer)
“Delirium Tremens” Clemmens
Vaneece Grease and the Ham Hocks
Defrocked Father Michael O’Mally and the Apostate
Transexual Nuns

Intrudin’ Diphtheric Price
Knittin’ Spina Bifida Price
Subcontractin’ Acromegalic Price
Materializin’ Botulism Price
Fraternizin’ Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever Price
Reproducin’ Legionnaire’s Disease Price
Spelunkin’ Pneumoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis Price

Whimperin’ Pattern-Baldness Skinner

I’ve got my own bluesman’s name, although the criterion that inspired it is admittedly obscure: I’m Screamin’ Blind Byrdman, purveyor of the birdcall blues.

Fallin’ Bursitis Jones.

I’m lucky, with a last name like “Jones”, everything sounds good!

Upchuckin’ Salmonella Jones
Jivin’ Jaundice Jones (for alliterative effect)

Gallopin’ Gout Daddy

Wheezin’ Flat-foot Mayes

Li’l Chicken Soup

Man, I be WAY out front on dis one, y’all.

Busted Levee Bluesman, the Bluesman from the Delta

Doc “Frozen Pizza” Pinky

Wombat. Kiosk. Credenza…spoon!