I’m an excellent editor for non-writers, inasmuch as I can listen to someone and write what they wanted to say much more concisely and precisely and earn their eternal gratitude for making them sound wicked smaht.
Five minute face? Fuck that noise, I work the 90 second face. I’m a daytime makeup DIVA SUPERHERO.
I can orgasm with a couple of Kegels and a happy thought.
I’m a standardized test-taking phenomenon.
I can cross my eyes to the point that they almost disappear. Freaks people the hell out.
I can do this too, and I also have no idea how. If you put me in a city I haven’t visited for years, and tell me to find a certain tourist attraction, or a restaurant where I once ate, or some other place I’ve been to in that city; I can take you there without a map or GPS. Of course, if our destination is no longer there (perhaps it went out of business), I can still take you to its former location.
I’m very good at hacking up phlegm. It came from a bronchitis-filled childhood. If there’s a phlegmball half the size of a pea anywhere in my throat I can get it up. There are a few different techniques but it’s really hard to explain.
I thought of another one. It’s actually very useful in certain situations.
I can remember things I’ve seen before as long as it’s flat.
When I collected comics I could flip through a longbox super quick and pull out the ones I didn’t have. I think I only bought duplicates twice. The only glitch was when it was a cover I had seen a lot of times before but not bought.
When I created labels I could tell you if we had done that one before with 99% accuracy. I still will pass a business and immediately think ‘I did labels for them.’ At the time I was really good at identifying fonts too - same skill.
Not with a dummy (though I’m sure I could do that), but speaking coherently without moving your lips. My mother was learning from a book and explained to me the techniques- and it turned out I could already do pretty much ALL of them without even trying.
Not really a enviable “talent” but if you give me an hour with anybody, I can get 'em to talk. I mean, people have basically told me their life stories after a first-time introduction.
And waterboarding is not a strategy I normally use
If someone blurts out a word, I can tell you how many letters are in that word faster than anyone. I’ve mentioned this to many others over the years and always get challenged on it. I’ve never lost. From time to time, I will lose simply due to not knowing a spelling, but that’s rare and not due to someone beating me with speed.
I’m the tuppermaster. I can mate up plastic storage containers and lids faster than anything, even at other people’s houses like when cleaning up at a party. And I always grab exactly the right size containers needed the first time. Can’t estimate sizes in any other capacity, but am dead on in figuring exactly which bowl will hold that leftover potato salad.
Getting stuff done when I have no blessed idea what I’m doing. I’ll plaster a wall, install a light fixture, plumb a sink, install outlets, solder water supply pipes, reface a poured concrete wall, build a stair, make wooden bulkhead doors, install a gutter, refurbish a window, rehang a door, sand a floor, build a workbench finish a floor with tung oil, build storm windows, refurbish a storm door, lay tile, hang kitchen cabinets, Install a dishwasher, fix a dishwasher, put up a fence and build a 2 story fort. All without actually having any experience, or the benefit of anyone else’s experience in doing it.
I approach each new job the same way, read, sketch, read, think, read, maybe watch a home improvement show, then go do it. Generally these things come off with a minimum of tears and heartache.
