My husband loves to say “I don’t know” as a time filler while he is thinking. I’ll ask some silly hypothetical question just to chat, like “What job sounds worse to you–being a store clerk or being a server?” and he will say “I don’t know.” Uh, I know you don’t know. I am asking for an opinion, dammit. He will eventually answer, but that “I don’t know” HAS to come first.
I’ve often wondered this, especially as a customer persists in asking me a question to which I have already replied “I’m sorry, I really don’t know, and there is no way for us to find that information out anytime soon” not once, but three times. :smack:
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People are not computers. Speech is not merely for the conveyance of bare facts. People are looking for more than just information. They’re looking for assurance, connections, other things.
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Through experience, many people have learned that further, more in depth, information is often available through further questioning.
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Through experience, many people have learned that sometimes a “no” becomes a “yes” through further questioning.
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Words like “access” do have slightly different meanings in slightly different contexts.
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Questioning often carries with implied requests like “Find out for me, then!” or “Can you just do it anyway?”
You probably sound like you’re in a scripted consumer interaction. Information content of a script is perceived as very low because the customer doubts you’re verifying the information is correct for their specific case. People will get you to answer their questions off-script (even if its all covered in the script) with the idea that you might double check.
Why did she “ask it again”, do you think? To have someone pull out one of the three chickens for her?
I’ll bet you feel triumphant many times a day, pulling out beef roast and what not, when people asks you to get up, open the freezer, and pull out one of them three chickens.
Couse you outsmart them, running about and pulling out the wrong item.
Why do people ask you to do it again, do you think, the next day?
Is it the chicken, or is it you getting up and doing something pointless for them?
And did it work?
:rolleyes:
Cool- then I will lie to you to make you go away.
If I say “I don’t know” then I bloody well don’t know.
Somewhat similar, though in reverse, is this series:
Me: XXXXXX is broken.
Spousal Unit: Really?
Me: Yes, really, it’s broken.
Spousal Unit: Are you sure?
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I’ve never been sure why this irritating dance needs to occur. It doesn’t matter if it’s something he will want/need to repair or something I’ll be handling. There still is this series of questions implying that for some nefarious reason of my own, I’m deliberately giving out misinformation.
<Sigh. The spousal unit is very ill and I’m going to miss him, even this irritating conversation. I’ll just go sit in the corner now.>
Anyone who has known me for longer than five minutes knows that I will never change my answer by repeated questioning. That drives me up the freaking wall.
Can I have some of your fries?
No.
Oh, please. You have a lot.
I said no.
I really want some.
I said no, dammit. And I meant it.
But they look so good.
No.
You’ll get fat if you eat all those fries.
No.
I’m really hungry.
No.
Please
Look. What part of “NO” don’t you understand? The “N” or the “O”?
I have a similar problem, though it doesn’t have to be a question. People just repeat themselves a lot, and sometimes I just can’t give them enough affirmation to get them to quit. One day I had to call our courier service to ask why something hadn’t gotten picked up, and the guy told me the reason four friggin’ times! Each time he told the story, I said, “Okay, I understand, I’ll let them know,” or something similar, and back he would go to the beginning. “Yeah, because, see, at first the guy couldn’t…” etc.
When I run out of I-heard-you type reassurances, I just rest quietly and watch the repeater say it again. Like a bird flying into a mirror.
Perhaps. We don’t have scripts but I’ve tried to come up with some concise and complete answers on my own in an effort to head off the e-mail or just tell me responses.
I have no idea why she asked him again. I wasn’t there. Not sure why you’re aiming your little comments about feeling “triumphant” at me. I had nothing to do with either the chickens or the roast.
Similar to this I constantly have people do this sort of thing to me on the phone at work;
Caller: My dog is vomiting, what could be wrong?
Me: There’s a lot of possible causes of vomiting; eating something they shouldn’t (getting into garbage, foreign bodies, toxicities), parasites, intestinal infections, organ disease (kidneys, liver). Vomiting is actually a non-specific sign and could be anything. I wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly what is wrong with your pet over the phone, he would need to be seen. It could be minor or serious but if your pet is vomiting a lot then he should be seen and evaluated and treated as he could dehydrate quickly.
Caller: Well, first he vomited food, then some white foam …
Me: As I said, it could be anything. If he’s vomited a lot he should be seen.
Caller: Then he went out and ate some grass.
Me: Yes, they will do that if their stomach is upset but that’s not the cause of his problem and again, if he’s vomiting a lot he should be seen.
Caller: Well, what could it be then.
Me: repeats first comment
Caller: He doesn’t get into the garbage so it can’t be that.
Me: Well, it could still be a number of other things. repeats first comment minus the garbage eating
Caller: He’s doesn’t have worms he was checked last year and I’ve never seen any in his poop.
Me: They can pick up worms in that time since his check, especially if he’s in areas that other dogs frequent, and you can’t see most types of worms in the stool.
Caller: I’m sure his kidneys are fine, he had all sorts of blood work 3 years ago when he was 10.
Me: Things can change in 3 years and since he’s geriatric there’s even more likelihood of something going wrong internally. Again, if he’s vomiting a lot he should be seen.
Caller: Well, I had another dog like him that lived to be 18, so he’s not that old. So what could be wrong?
Me: does not answer while attempting to use the Force to actually reach through the phone line to throttle someone, takes a deep breath and says
I have explained the possible causes a few times now. It is impossible to diagnose your pet over the phone, the main concern is that if he is vomiting a lot he needs to be seen.
Caller: So you think he needs to be seen by the vet? What could be wrong?
Me: head explodes
Then think that they can keep giving minor little details to rule out one possible cause and then I can then pinpoint exactly what is wrong despite having repeatedly told them that I can’t do that. Sometimes these people come in and have the full workup and we find that they have something like kidney failure or an intestinal foreign body, to which they respond “Well, it’s a good thing I decided to bring him in then, that girl on the phone said it was probably just worms.” :eek: :mad:
This person is probably used to dealing with people who have to have it explained to them four times. Nobody else ever gets it on the first explanation; why should you?
Uusally “I don’t know” is not the sum total of all information the person has and further questioning can still elicit something useful. It can also sound like a lazy and dismissive response. Maybe you don’t know where the boss is, but you might have some idea where he could be or when he might be back. With a gun to your head you could come up with more than “I don’t know.” That’s a frustrating response to hear when you really need information.
If you really don’t know anything at all, then some effort could be made to make that clear. “I honestly have no information at all about that. I’m just as in the dark as you are.” That at least makes it clear that you’re sympathetic to the question and that you’re not holding back.
But maybe you could find out. In the OP, she doesn’t know but she might know who would know. Or she could check the calendar to find out. Asking again means, could you try something to actually find out?
If that is what the questioner means, what is stopping them from asking, “Is there any way you (or I) can find out?”
Just repeating the same question (Where’s the boss?) and hoping to get a different answer is dense.
I really don’t know about this thread.
What was the question?
Most intelligent people should be able to infer that without needing it spelled out. There’s no need to play Simon Says about it. Tell them what you know, not what you don’t know.
But sometimes it’s a case of “nobody could possibly know.” I went to an awards banquet once at which my group was up for an award. The woman sitting next to me must have asked me ten times, “Do you think we’ll win?” After I’d said, “I don’t know, but I hope so” a couple of times, I just ignored her. But she didn’t stop. I was going to ask in a loud voice if she thought the selection process was fixed, as how else would I know what our chances were, but I just turned my head.
Yes, that is true. However, I cannot count on anyone else’s intelligence or industriousness. I can only count on myself.
If I ask someone a question, and they answer “I don’t know,” it would be stupid and lazy of me to keep repeating the same question. I would either ask them a more leading question to get better results, or seek the information elsewhere.
Just repeating myself in the hopes that their brain might suddenly click on is counterproductive.
A couple of years ago, we had a thread about phone callers who want to know when a person will be back in his or her office or off the phone. There is often no earthly way that the receptionist or admin can know this, but do you think “I don’t know” is ever accepted? Further questioning is not going to suddenly gift the receptionist with the ability to foretell the future.
My advice in that thread: just make up an answer (“Oh, he’ll be off the phone in about an hour”). The caller usually never calls back, anyway. The hell with them.