When AA says I should turn my life over to a higher power I don't think they meant you.

The BBQ Pit
1

A week ago I joined Alcoholics Anonymous and began going to meetings at a center that is near my home that has many meetings of all sorts every week. The people are nice and helpful and didn’t seem to have any problem with newbies in their various meetings. Until last night. I went to a meeting I hadn’t gone to before and, because I was early, sat with some strangers. One learned that I was new and asked what other centers I’ve been to.

“Just this one. I like the people and the location is convenient.”

“You are new and should first go only to beginners meetings.”

“They don’t have many of those.”

“No, you are new and should not go to discussion meetings before you are ready.”

He then took my book of meetings in the county and started rifling through it, circling the meetings I should go to. I balked at some of the locations because they are fifteen miles away and I can’t afford the gas. He retorted, “I guess you don’t really want to quit drinking because you aren’t willing to make more sacrifices.”

I was getting annoyed and went a bit passive aggressive, agreeing with some things I had no intention to actually do and not responding to others. Finally, he handed my book back and said, “I don’t think you are going to do any of this, are you?”

I smiled sweetly and said, “Why, no. I like these people.”

So thanks, asshole, for giving me my first negative experience with AA. I’m sure there will be other dogmatic jerks, but you were my first and I will always remember you. Well, not always since my memory’s shot, but remembering what you look like and that I should avoid you will be worth the effort.

And by the way, the concepts taught are not really that tough to understand. Maybe I’m an arrogant drunk, but I don’t think I need to devote months of study before I can be allowed in the adult pool.

2

Aargh, how annoying. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience with some junior boss type. These people like to pretend they have power.

3

Ask him to be your sponsor. Then fire him.

4

I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but don’t let it turn you off of the meetings you’re attending. I agree that ANY meeting is good for you. I never went to a beginners meeting, and my first two meetings were discussions. It’s really not a big deal.

(I like the discussion and stories the most. I enjoyed hearing about how other people overcame their issues and what they were currently struggling with.)

5

A+ for the title alone - nicely done. That said, this guy is so over-the-top that I hope you can eventually get past your anger and annoyance and then, laugh your ass off at him. Bonus consolation prize: you now have the knowlege that you will never in your life have to be him. Every morning, he has to be him. Jesus, no wonder he drank too much - I’d drink too much if I had to be around someone like that, let alone be someone like that.

6

Gee, I think you should have said your thread title right to the guy’s face. And then asked him who elected him to be the arbiter and supervisor of your recovery. Sounds like he has some control issues he should work out.

7

Yeah, not really much to add to him being an ass, which he undoubtedly is. The thing is, even if he was right, it’s precisely that sort of attitude that will probably hurt some new people. Imagine a situation where a guy struggles to finally go to AA, maybe already made a few small but difficult sacrifices, then this guy demeans the progress he’s already made by telling him all this extra stuff he has to do, all these extra commitments and sacrifices. I could very easily see someone in a fragile state being overwhelmed with thinking he needs to do so much more and just giving up. So I’d actually be more bothered by the possibility that he wasn’t just an ass but that he might actually set some people in the wrong direction.

8

Maybe he thought he was at Assholes Anonymous.

9

Don’t let him keep you from AA - and any AA meeting you want to attend - if it’s helping you. My very first AA meeting was a beginner’s meeting, just like they recommend - and I left there convinced I wasn’t an alcoholic because everyone else in there had screwed up their lives so much WORSE. It took me another 5 years destroy my life sufficiently enough to realize I might need some help.

In addition to AA, if you’re not already getting some individual counseling/therapy, I’d recommend calling Catholic Charities. They helped me get into counseling and the individual sessions helped me TONS - probably more than AA, although early on I definitely needed both.

Take care of yourself.

10

Next time you bump into him at a meeting, look overjoyed and say “Oh, you’re the helpful guy who was telling me which meetings I should go to! Now, I forgot, which* Assholes Anonymous *meetings do you go to?”

11

He’s a control freak. Ignore him.

“before you are ready”…how the fuck does he know whether or not you’re ready.

12

I had a similar situation with someone at AA meetings I was attending. Apparently I wasn’t able to articulate quite accurately enough what I was getting out of the meetings. VERY pushy fella. Didn’t go to those meetings any more.

Dante (sober since 11/13/94).

13

He needs to re-read the third tradition.

14

If he gives you grief again, you SHOULD treat him to that thread title in response.

And you should tell him he needs to call his sponsor in Control Freaks Anonymous and report that he had a slip.

Then make an amends to him for taking his inventory.

Sorry; everything I know about 12-step comes from having read Senator Franken’s book.

ETA: I need to find a beginner’s Pit thread about 12-step programs and post in that for a while instead, don’t I?

15

Firstly congrats on trying to get yourself some help - AA can be a great thing, my father was sober for the last 8 years of his life thanks to AA. But at the same time, it can be full of sanctimonious jerks like that one and the one that stood up at my father’s funeral and turned what was supposed to be his eulogy into an advert for AA.

16

I would just like to congratulate dropzone and Dante and anyone else on the path to sobriety for getting the help they need and sticking to it.

17

Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there!

18

Speaking of someone in need of a 12 step program, here he is.

19

Kudos on the positive step toward living free dropzone.

Re: the OP title – actually AA does mean him.

As redefined by Bill Wilson, sanity is “living according to God’s Will, rather than one’s own.” Since God is silent, to become sane you’re going to have to let senior members, i.e. people with “time”, decipher God’s will for your life. That’s why you get pestered to get a sponsor. You need a fully indoctrinated guide to help feed you the dogma.It’s not drinking too much alcohol that makes you alcoholic. “Our liquor was but a symptom.” Alcoholism, as Bill sees it, is caused by sins, moral shortcomings, wrongs, defects of character, resentments, instincts run wild, self-will run riot, desires that have far exceeded their intended purpose, The Seven Deadly Sins, a willful and irresponsible ego, failure to practice religious precepts properly, failure to practice Step Five properly, selfishness, self-seeking, self-centeredness, defective relations, nagging wives, faith that isn’t accompanied by “self-sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action”, secrets, inherited genes, inherited sins, conditions that we couldn’t correct to our entire satisfaction… OP sounds willful and resentmentful. Surrender! Let go and let God. Are you trying to think? Your thinking is what got you here. The alcoholic’s mind is like a bad neighborhood: don’t go there alone.

20

That’s why Dante has been such a failure at stopping drinking.