When animals attack.

Damn bluegill bit my nipple. Drew blood even! Even took a little chunk off. And it’s a man nipple, so it’s not like I was offering up any dairy.

I’m so traumatized, I even post things in the wrong forum!

Damn fish.

Bluegill Takes Chunk Outta Man Boob.

Definite MPSIMS.

How’d you know it was a bluegill? Maybe it was the rare Lake Minnetonka pirhana?

da dun
da dun
da dun da dun da dun da dun
da dun

And just what did you do to provoke it?

Must’ve looked it in the eye and sung, “Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!”

They hate that.

In White Bear Lake!?!?!

Damn, first the milfoil…

I just have to tell this story:

My grandparents have a vacation house in South Texas, down near the border. There is a species of bird which is called a “grackle”-- a large blackbird.

For reasons unknown to us to this day, a bird took an instant hatred to my grandfather. Whenever he (grandpa) would step from the house, the bird would swoop down of whatever tree in which he’d been perched, and attack. He’d pull my grandpa’s har, and (grandpa swears) peck his head. The bird bothered no one else. It could even pick him out of a group of people.

This went on for weeks. It seemed almost like the bird sat in a tree all day and waited for him. Morning, noon or night, he was there the instant Grandpa set foot out of doors. Grandpa would run for the car, cursing loudly, and swatting ineffectually at his nemisis. He could no longer go on walks through the neighborhood-- the bird would follow him down the street, swooping and pecking.

Finally, Grandpa’d had enough. He went to Wal-Mart and bought a pellet gun. He opened a window and stalked his prey. My memory may exaggerate but it seemed like hours he waited to get a good shot at the Evil Bird.

He ran into the livingroom, literally shaking with excitement. “I shot him!” he shouted. “I shot his pecker off!”

He meant beak, of course. Grandpa put away the pellet gun. I don’t think he ever used it again. It had served its purpose-- to make the streets safe again.

Kinky. Really kinky.

If you can’t handle a bluegill, you had bretter not fool around with an orange roughie.

Anesthetize with lidocaine, disinfect with terpentine. Serve grilled with butter and shallots.


A fish? Please. Get back to me when a grizzly bear decides your ankle is a nice chew toy.


… Bwa ha ha ha ha ha

Well NurseCarmen, you’ve obviously got a lurin’ nip.

If it was in Michigan, I am to blame. In my early college years, my psych 101 required us to do a behavior modification experiment. I had access to wild bluegills, so I decided to shape them into faithfull minions. Using oyster crackers and rancid tuna-mac salad, I taught them to associate the presence of humans on the dock with food. Soon, they would come any time you tapped the water. They would clean off plates, swim into bags, and jump for food. I always released them from the plastic bags immediately. I got an “A” on my project, and realized that I had created monsters. Probably created them on the day that my buddy was hanging out in an inner tube, and I threw oyster crackers around her while summoning my Bluegill Horde. They gave her fish hickeys on the butt. Since then, they would gather around any swimming human. They were not dangerous if you kept moving, but if you stopped, they would get bold and sneak over to see if they could remove any freckles or leg hair. People would freak out over the way they would just hang in the water and stare. We estimated they could have stripped a cow to the bone is just under 12.6 years, if it was a patient cow with no pressing appointments

Oh, too funny! I’ve been nibbled on by bluegills myself, but never enough to draw blood. I’ve always believed that if a bluegill were ever to grow to be 8 or 10 feet long, it would be able to take on anything living. Crocodile? Great White Shark? Feh! Minor annoyances next to a 10 foot bluegill!