I learned it from various places, but mainly in church. Sunday school, actually.
This really nice man (whose name I forgot) told us all about how a man puts his penis in a woman’s cu – ferchina, and then a sperm meets an egg, and how the whole contraption is smaller than the period at the end of this sentence.
It’s not that I didn’t believe him, but this guy was enormous. He must have been a good 9 feet tall. I had to stand on my toes just to see his knees. The thought that he was once smaller than a speck fascinated me.
My mom read a book to us when I was about four or so.
With my kids, it was a series of conversations over a long time. For some reason, I was the go-to guy for all sex-related questions with my nieces and nephews as well. I was visiting my sister once, and we were going somewhere or other, and out of the blue my nephew (who was, I think, eight at the time) said, “Uncle Shodan, what’s a blow job?” My sister, who was driving, almost went off the road. She didn’t volunteer an answer, but she listened awful carefully to what I said.
And when my daughter was about three, I was changing my shoes when I got home from work, and she was marching around wearing my slippers. “Now I have everything I need to be a daddy”, she announced.
When I was a kid, I got it mostly from books, made available by my parents. Menstruation was covered by a special evening at school when I was 10.
This week is actually the Talk week in our house. We’ve been studying the human body for science (we homeschool) and this week is the reproduction system. My daughter is in 1st grade, age 6. I’m not sure that she’ll hear much that she doesn’t know, unless I decide to take the final plunge and explain how the sperm gets to the egg. I might save that for next year. Over the past couple of years, I’ve explained to her how babies grow and are born, names for everything, menstruation, and a little about genes. She’s a curious kid and always asking questions, so I just try to answer them.
My parents pretty much avoided the topic completely, aside from a very brief conversation I had with my mother where she asserted that I did indeed know what menstruation was.
The topic didn’t come up again until I was visiting my boyfriend (now husband) in St. Louis when I was still living in Boston. I was 24. I was in the airport waiting for my flight home, talking to my mom on the phone. She mentioned a friend of the family was pregnant, and proceeded to drill me about what kind of birth control I was using. I didn’t really want to tell the entire population of Lambert Airport that I was on Depo Provera, so instead of letting the topic go for the time being, she proceeded to list all sorts of different options, expecting me to say yes or no.
I held my laughter in until she started yelling into the phone, “Trojans, is it TROJANS???”
Heh. Mom, if you’re reading this, you were about 6 years too late for the birth control talk, but don’t worry because I was always safe. Also, everything I knew about sex in my younger years I learned from reading your Redbook magazines.
The only thing I heard about sex from my parents was, “Don’t do it.” My mom did give me that horrible Judy Blume book about puberty about a year too late. I learned much later that my mom really knows very little about sex, so maybe she just didn’t feel up to discussing it.
I was briefed by a friend who had older brothers and sisters as well as parents who must have been more liberated and less uptight than mine. We were seven. I carried this information with me like a guilty secret I wasn’t supposed to know about for the rest of my childhood.
Once they started sex education at school, when I was about 11, I announced to my parents - we’re getting sex education - almost as if to spare them the embarrassment of having to give “the talk” themselves. My Dad, who is a doctor of all things, launched into “the talk” when I was about 12, but I told him that I already knew, so please, not to bother.
My Mum was so uptight that she got my grandmother to tell me about periods, which she did wonderfully, something I am grateful for. I think it was a month or two before I got my own period, and although I knew about it from friends and from school sex-ed, my grandmother was great and answered all sorts of questions on aspects I wasn’t sure about, as well as the practicalities.
I definitely resented my parents for not being open and frank with me about sex - the message I got was that it was an embarrassing, taboo subject. Who knows what wider effects that has had.
With my own six-year old son, I’ve started replying to questions about the differences between males and females, where babies come from, etc. as they come up. I don’t think I need to pro-actively introduce the full ‘facts of life’ for another year or two. If he asks how babies are actually made I will of course explain, and maybe get him one of those books for kids.
Personally, I think the age of seven was a bit young to be confronted with a description of the mechanics of sex - but several years later I was surprised to find that some children were still unaware at the age of 12 or 13. The word prostitute came up, and a friend asked what that was. “Oh, a woman who has sex with men for money” I said - and got a blank look from this girl who really didn’t know what ‘having sex’ was.
Well, we first took sex ed in either grade 5 or 6 (5 I think was the first basic stuff where we were seperated out). Mom gave me some books, though I don’t remember which ones in particular, and though she isn’t that comfortable discussing things like that she did her best and answered honestly. We’d also have discussions about various things (birth control, STD’s etc) if they came up on some of the daytime talk shows we’d watch together.
I also started reading romance novels at age 11, so I got some from there as well as biology class and online.
My Grandma tried to give me The Talk at age 19 while I was walking out the door to school (I’d spent the weekend at my boyfriend’s place, so this was her first opportunity). I just kept going.
My parents were pretty open about sex, with the underlying assumption that it takes place only between married men and women. I always felt comfortable that I could ask about it but I don’t remember doing so very often because I wasn’t plannign on being sexually active.
I asked my mother if it were true that sometimes men put their “thingies” in woman’s privates when I was about ten or so. She and I were playing a board game and she told me very matter of factly.
Telling my son was a completely different matter. He and I have always had a good relationship and when ever he asked me any type of question, I answered it. No more, no less. Eventually he got the entire story. I also bought this book that I would highly recommend to anyone who has to have “the talk”. It’s Perfectly Normal
It not only discusses the basics but handles STDs, Homosexuality, Masterbation, birth control and other issues in a young adult friendly way. My son referred to it throughout high school and I felt good that he wasn’t getting distorted information. However, you do have to agree with the opinions set forth in the book.
I would like to thank Judy Blume and two of her books.
When I was in second grade I read “Then Again Maybe I Won’t” and “Are You There God, It’s Margret”.
I went home and asked my mother what a wet dream was and she told me to ask my step-father but explained everything else.
My step-father handled it very well, but was uncomfortable in the situation.
With my own children, I am open about anything and they feel comfortable asking anything.
My oldest (step-daughter) came to me the first time she had sex instead of her bio-mom. Although I wasn’t keen on her being sexually active we had a great talk and she knows I won’t judge and sugar-coat things.
When I was seven or eight, I was home sick from school one day, and conveniently, a “School TV” type program about human reproduction was on (there are these types of programs on a very wide range of subjects, which come on during school hours and then very late at night; the assumption is that you can use them to aid in teaching during the day or tape them at night for such use later). My mother sat me down in front of the TV and made me watch. It was a very informative hour.
Then, in fourth or fifth grade (can’t quite remember), we all had a one-on-one session with the school nurse who went through basic changes pertaining to puberty with us. We also got booklets with basic information on body changes, acne, how pregnancy occurs, contraception, hormones, being moody… the works. With cartoon illustrations. The girls’ booklet was pink and was called “From a girl to a woman”; the boys’ was blue and was called “From a boy to a man.” For the next few days there was very lively trading going on during recesses.
Thus, in sixth grade, when we had the sex education module in Science class, I was pretty much well prepared. I remember we had to take home a consent form stating that our parents allowed us to participate (not usual in the Finnish school system, but I went to an international school which had different policies). It was about three weeks, maybe. The whole class participated together; our teacher made us read aloud in turns from the book. Cue 26 sixth-graders giggling slightly embarassedly every time a boy read the word “breasts” or a girl had to say “penis” out loud.
I learned the way you were supposed to learn 40 years ago - Playboys in my friend’s basement.
As for my kids, I lucked out. We have two girls, and my wife has two major advantages over me in this department - she’s female, and she had a Masters in reproductive physiology. I teach the kids about the computer, and she teaches them about the plumbing. She seems to have done a good job, since they’re both out of the house, and no accidents or problems so far.
I kind of pieced things together from Judy Blume books, things overheard at school, and my grandfather’s porn stash, which I found under his bed.
I do remember asking my mom one time what rape was. I was pretty sure it was something to do with hanging (because “rape” was so similar to “rope”, you see, and I knew it was bad…) Anyway, she said, “I don’t want to discuss that right now”, and she must have meant it because we never did have that discussion.
They did separate the boys from the girls for some special classes when I was in sixth grade. I don’t know what the boys learned about, but us girls were given a booklet and some tips about “charm”. Mostly it was posture tips and basic hygiene along the lines of “Brush your teeth for fresh breath”. Good old Christian school…
Count me as another that never got any sort of talk what-so-ever. My parents even made sure that I never attended any of the sex ed classes at school. So I got my information where any true blooded nerd would, the encyclopedia (yes, I was another one of those kids that read the encyclopedia for entertainment.).
My parents seemed to manage to live in a fantasy where I knew nothing about sex or puberty or anything else for the longest time. I swear to you that when I was a freshman in college my father honestly thought that I had no idea what menstruation was. Since then I have had this nightmare where after my wedding my father tries to sit me down to explain sex to me.
Well, I did have to explain it to my boyfriend, who was 18, when we were high school seniors. Boy, did I have to fix a lot of misinformation. But he really had almost no idea about menstruation, except a vague horror. (Thank you, MIL, for raising my husband differently!)
Today we did the reproduction talk with the 6-yo. It was for science class (as above), so we had diagrams of ovaries and testicles and so on, and since she didn’t ask how the sperm gets to the egg, I didn’t tell her. Six seems a little young for that, after all (we’ll go for 7 or 8). She is very medically-minded and had plenty of questions, but mostly about fetal development and birth. She was kind of grossed out by what newborns look like (all covered in goop), but appeared totally unaffected by menstruation. Now she’s got a book of fetal photographs and is telling the 3-yo about them.
I’m thinking of getting the American Girl book on puberty for use in a few years–it covers all the deodorant/pads/first bra stuff. Anyone have it? Opinions?
Oops, just remembered…I also used to babysit for some folks who had a copy of The Joy of Sex. I’d sock those little heathens into their beds as soon as humanly possible, then read, read, read.