When did you realize "I'll never really understand (wo)men?" (light-hearted)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

[QUOTE=Leaffan]
Here’s another thing: do all you gals wait until you have absolutely nothing to wear and then have to spend $500 on clothes? Or do you do what I do, buy - you know - the occasional shirt or pair of pants now and again so that the $500 is spread over 2 or 3 years.

[/QUOTE]

I generally do both :slight_smile: .

Seriously, though, it is recommended (by the kind of people who recommend these type of things) to purchase outfits instead of separates to build a professional wardrobe. If a woman buys 2-3 professional outfits with shoes for $500, she would rarely get that same professional effect from picking out separates here and there.

22

In the 4th grade I really liked Amanda so I punched her in the arm.

She cried.

I got in trouble.

It’s been down-hill ever since.

23

Its threads like this that remind me that there is at least one aspect of life that being gay has made simpler. Bless you all. :smiley:

24

I’ll never understand wimmin. My wife has IMS (Imelda Marcos Syndrome) and has filled two closets with shoes. She generally rotates through a select few and some she has not worn in several years but God help me if I suggest reducing the volume to a number in the teens or can’t immediately remember which pair of black shoes she wore that one time to that one party last April! How could I possibly think she would wear that god-awful pair of shoes! But still, don’t throw them out.

Another thing is if we go to a movie at night she insists on putting on makeup. I’m not talking about “date night” where we dress up a little nicer, go to dinner and see the movie. I’m talking about just jumping in the car to catch the movie, still wearing our jeans and T-shirts. I’ve told her that no one will see her in the dark theater, why bother putting on makeup. Yet she insists on applying a base coat, top coat, rust-proofing, Simonizing, bondo, and spackle before she fixes her hair.

My son told me that his girlfriend got mad at him when he asked her what was wrong and she replied, “If I have to tell you then you’ll never understand!” She immediately started crying.

I told him to go to her house with some flowers and say, “I am very sorry for being so insensitive to you and your needs. You were trying to tell me something and I was rude and uncaring for not listening and appreciating you. Please forgive me for being so horrible to you.” It worked. She started crying again and said she forgave him. He never did find out what the hell the problem was in the first place.

25

You remember how Sherlock would rattle off a convoluted series of phrases tracing a train of thought by Watson?

We women think like that ALL THE TIME! About everything.

And men DON"t, apparently. It goes, “Stray thought, pause , SEX thought, pause” repeat.

Whereas, for us womenfolk, it is more like: stray thought, further rumination on first idea->next leg in BIG journey->something annoying->worry at it worry at it, get pissed->::and say something unfanthomable to maleSO::

Wheras the male of the species thinks of on average 3-5 things and SEX once an hour; women think of 9-21 things with backstory and three dramatic epsidoes and maybe SEX every half hour.

I discovered this with the husband sitting me down and walking me through the Sherlock Holmes moment I had laid on him. Now, if I miss a few “aloud cues” and just come out with the unfathomable statement he looks up as if trying to find the rain cloud that just dropped a signle raindrop.

26

[QUOTE=ILovCoffee]
Whereas, for us womenfolk, it is more like: stray thought, further rumination on first idea->next leg in BIG journey->something annoying->worry at it worry at it, get pissed->::and say something unfanthomable to maleSO::
[/QUOTE]

My ex-SO and I rented a movie once. It looked like a comedy, but instead it was about a woman dealing with her out-of-control DiCaprio son. In the end, her father died. What did SO think of the movie? “You NEVER loved me! You’ve been leading me on this whole time!” She then went into a 3-hour crying jag. Yep, that movie revealed what a cad I really am.

A guy is walking along a California beach, and spots an old lamp. It is a bit tarnished, so he tries to polish it. A genie comes out and says “You have freed me from my prison. I will grant you one wish. Anything you want.”

The man says “I live here in California, but sometimes my work takes me to Hawaii. I’m afraid of flying, and boats make me seasick. What I really want is to drive there. So I wish there was a road that went all the way to Honolulu.”

The genie relies “What?!? Are you crazy?!? The weight! The stresses! The engineering alone! The piles would have to be…! It’s impossible! Not physically possible! Can. Not. Be. Done! Sorry, but you’ll have to make another wish.”

The man thinks for a while, and then says “OK, then, I’d like to understand women.”

The genie says “So, did you want that with two lanes or four?”

27

My wife said to me in the past couple of years…

“You know, I finally realized that when you ask a man what he’s thinking and he says ‘nothing’, it’s because you really were thinking about nothing.”

28

An ex-girlfriend of mine once asked if she could barrow my credit card so she could go to Victoria’s Secrets.

I told her: “Sure babe just keep it under a 100 bucks; OK?” To which she agreed.

So anyway, $200 later, after getting over the angst of her spending a $100 more than I asked her to; I asked her to show me what she got.

For $200 I’m thinking she must have got some really cool sexy outfits.

I’ll be damned if she didn’t pull out these plain panties that looked like something my Grandma would have worn!!

I asked her “WTF is THIS shit? You could have got that at Walmart for about twenty bucks!”

To which she responded: “Ewe gross! I’m not wearing Walmart panties!”

:confused:

So basically, not only did I get swindled out of a $100; I STILL didn’t get treated to a slutty GF show. :mad:

29

Ok, in reading some of these answers, I think my husband might be female. At least with regards to his communication style. I’m from Mars, he’s from [del]Venus[/del] somewhere where being a passive-aggressive indirect emotionally immature pouty brat is acceptable. :smiley:

My “I’ll never really understand men” moment is offered without judgement… print pornography. Movies, I can understand. Erotic stories, I’m right there with ya. But just photos? Especially photos of women just standing there, not doing anything in particular except being naked? I don’t get what’s so exciting about that. I will never comprehend it fully until the next life when I’m born with testicles, I suppose.

30

[QUOTE=glee]
I read in a book that a woman car passenger said to the male driver “Are you thirsty?”
He said “No, I’m fine” and drove on.
When they finally stopped there was an argument.

I asked a female friend about this and she said “Why didn’t the driver stop as soon as possible? The woman is telling him she is thirsty!”

:confused:
[/QUOTE]
I know women like this (I’m female), and I find this passive-aggressive behavior very annoying.
If I want something to drink while out, I’ll just say, “Let’s stop at the next place - I’m thirsty.”

The clothing thing I get, because women’s clothes are sized so insanely.

The shoe thing that Sapo mentioned I’ve seen happen too, but I never do it. My mom does, though. She needs blue shoes. She’ll buy a couple pairs of blue shoes, come home and show them to me and my sisters and a couple of her friends and then decide which pair to keep and then return the others. She does it with everything - purses, dresses, whatever.

31

[QUOTE=lisacurl]
But just photos? Especially photos of women just standing there, not doing anything in particular except being naked?
[/QUOTE]

It’s a naked girl thing. You wouldn’t understand.

32

[QUOTE=JohnT]
It was then that I got a lecture on womens clothes - about how they are (apparently) based upon something called “sizes”, with each “size” being dependant upon who made the garment. (I.e., somebody’s size 3 might be another company’s size 4 - however the hell that works).

“So… why don’t y’all just measure your clothes in inches?”
“What? Why would we do that?”
“Hell, I don’t know. What about rationalizing the process?”
“But when you buy a pair of jeans, you’re only looking at two numbers - waist and inseam. When a woman buys a pair of jeans, she has to be concerned about the waist, inseam, and hips.”
“Well… use three numbers. In inches. To use one number that means nothing when three are required in order to signify very real size-differences is silly.”

Which is, apparently, the point.

And as to why women “put up” with this (this “putting up with” I’m basing off my wife’s acceptance of this being The Way Things Should Be), I will never understand.

[/QUOTE]
Actually, I’m female and the lack of standardization in sizes drives me into rages (and causes me to rarely buy clothes). If someone showed me a cute little puppy and told me that we could have standard sizes if I stomped it to death, that’d be one flat dog.*
*Hyperbole. Y’all know that, right? However, I would be willing to kick the puppy firmly.

33

Attention all women: If you are in a car with a man and he seems deep in thought, he is not thinking about where the relationship is going. He is just trying to figure out how many miles from the last oil change and what mileage he is getting. Don’t try to launch a preemptive “do you love me?”

34

Then there’s the whole “I only paid $300 for a $550 handbag that was perfect but I didn’t have any shoes to go with it so I used the money that I saved to get shoes” thing.

Or this.

“I need a new black sweater”
“What? You have at least five black sweaters”: Walks to closet: “Make that fourteen black sweaters”
“Yeah but this one is too old, and these three are too casual, and this one has the wrong collar, and this one has big buttons and …”

35

[QUOTE=lisacurl]
Ok, in reading some of these answers, I think my husband might be female. At least with regards to his communication style. I’m from Mars, he’s from [del]Venus[/del] somewhere where being a passive-aggressive indirect emotionally immature pouty brat is acceptable. :smiley:

My “I’ll never really understand men” moment is offered without judgement… print pornography. Movies, I can understand. Erotic stories, I’m right there with ya. But just photos? Especially photos of women just standing there, not doing anything in particular except being naked? I don’t get what’s so exciting about that. I will never comprehend it fully until the next life when I’m born with testicles, I suppose.
[/QUOTE]

Because we’re thinking dirty, lecherous thoughts about that naked body standing there. “Who’s your daddy! Oooowwwwya!”

36

[QUOTE=lisacurl]
Ok, in reading some of these answers, I think my husband might be female. At least with regards to his communication style. I’m from Mars, he’s from [del]Venus[/del] somewhere where being a passive-aggressive indirect emotionally immature pouty brat is acceptable. :smiley:

[/QUOTE]

You ‘n’ me both. At home, I’m the strong silent type, and the mister is the “let me tell you my feelings from moment to moment all day long and get mad if you block me out” type. So it’s hard for me to get in on these man/woman behavior discussions very easily.

37

[QUOTE=teela brown]
You ‘n’ me both. At home, I’m the strong silent type, and the mister is the “let me tell you my feelings from moment to moment all day long and get mad if you block me out” type. So it’s hard for me to get in on these man/woman behavior discussions very easily.
[/QUOTE]

In light of an IMHO thread, to me there are three measures of a couple’s compatibility.

  1. You like the same foods.
  2. You like the same TV shows.
  3. You agree on how much to pester each other about feelings.

If you pass all three, get married. The hot monkey sex doesn’t even matter at that point.

38

[QUOTE=hajario]
Then there’s the whole “I only paid $300 for a $550 handbag that was perfect but I didn’t have any shoes to go with it so I used the money that I saved to get shoes” thing.
[/QUOTE]

I ran into something similar this weekend. We’re buying a new bed, so of course we need new “bed stuff”. Sheets, comforter, all that jazz.

Now, to me, the above IS “all that jazz.” Beyond sheets and a comforter, what do you need, really?

Do not actually ask that question, my brothers, because she will answer it. What you need, apparently, is pillows. Loads and loads of pillows. By my count, this new bed will have somewhere around 14 pillows on it. Note that my wife and I have, at last count, one head apiece, for a total of two. That would seem to require a maximum of two pillows.

So, all these extra pillows must serve some purpose, right? WRONG. They just squat there on the bed, being fluffy or whatever. Their only purpose is to be a nuisance when you actually want to get into the bed; rather than just diving in for some much-needed rest, instead you get to spend valuable sleeping minutes removing the pillows and carefully stacking them somewhere. Even the one called a “neck roll”, which would seem to imply that it was for putting behind your neck, but God forbid you actually put your head on one of the sacred pillows, because then you’ll wrinkle them all up and get them dirty, and there’ll be hell to pay.

Apparently beds these days also require something called a “dust ruffle”. Its purpose, apparently, is to make the act of making the bed a whole lot harder by getting caught up in the sheets every time you try to tuck them under the mattress. How I got by for years without one, I’ll never know.

39

And my rant so diverted me that I forgot my original point: we were shopping for this stuff, for which we had a “20% off your total purchase” coupon. This, of course, caused her to load even more pillows into the cart, because the more you buy, the more you save! Wow! And here I was, thinking that we were actually spending more…

40

[QUOTE=Max Torque]
And my rant so diverted me that I forgot my original point: we were shopping for this stuff, for which we had a “20% off your total purchase” coupon. This, of course, caused her to load even more pillows into the cart, because the more you buy, the more you save! Wow! And here I was, thinking that we were actually spending more…
[/QUOTE]

Silly - even I can perform this math.

If you buy just one, you get a mere 20% off the price. If you buy five, however, you get one of the item totally free.

See? You make it up on volume. :wink: