When did you realize "I'll never really understand (wo)men?" (light-hearted)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

[QUOTE=Max Torque]
I ran into something similar this weekend. We’re buying a new bed, so of course we need new “bed stuff”. Sheets, comforter, all that jazz.

Now, to me, the above IS “all that jazz.” Beyond sheets and a comforter, what do you need, really?

Do not actually ask that question, my brothers, because she will answer it. What you need, apparently, is pillows. Loads and loads of pillows. By my count, this new bed will have somewhere around 14 pillows on it. Note that my wife and I have, at last count, one head apiece, for a total of two. That would seem to require a maximum of two pillows.

So, all these extra pillows must serve some purpose, right? WRONG. They just squat there on the bed, being fluffy or whatever. Their only purpose is to be a nuisance when you actually want to get into the bed; rather than just diving in for some much-needed rest, instead you get to spend valuable sleeping minutes removing the pillows and carefully stacking them somewhere. Even the one called a “neck roll”, which would seem to imply that it was for putting behind your neck, but God forbid you actually put your head on one of the sacred pillows, because then you’ll wrinkle them all up and get them dirty, and there’ll be hell to pay.

Apparently beds these days also require something called a “dust ruffle”. Its purpose, apparently, is to make the act of making the bed a whole lot harder by getting caught up in the sheets every time you try to tuck them under the mattress. How I got by for years without one, I’ll never know.
[/QUOTE]

LOL

Oh, man. This describes our bed to a tee. Our daughter’s bed too. Apparently our son only needs to have, let’s see, 5 pillows for his bed. Two for sleeping, and 3 decorative ones. He got off lucky.

42

[QUOTE=Max Torque]
That would seem to require a maximum of two pillows.

[/QUOTE]

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that the two that are meant for sleeping have pillowcases that are far more decorative than functional. Such as frills and lace that leave an imprint on your face clear through the first meeting of the morning.

43

[QUOTE=tdn]
In light of an IMHO thread, to me there are three measures of a couple’s compatibility.

  1. You like the same foods.
  2. You like the same TV shows.
  3. You agree on how much to pester each other about feelings.

If you pass all three, get married. The hot monkey sex doesn’t even matter at that point.
[/QUOTE]

Check.
Check.
Check.
We’re good! :smiley:

44

One day it was explained to me that on average, a healthy woman can produce 1 offspring per year, a healthy man on the other hand can theoretically produce 365. If the Darwinian logic of He Who Dies with the Most Grandchildren Wins is true well… ya can’t get there from here.

45

Work, and for my daughter, school.

When I leave work, work is done. It’s not something that carries over into the rest of my life. Even if I bring work home, work is work, life is life. If I got up in the morning and went to work, and I have to do it again sometime in the near future, my day sucked. I have now just described every day at work for me.

My wife and daughter however, can spend as much time going over the events of their work or school day as they spent on the day. My wife’s attitude about work is the same as mine, but it doesn’t prevent her from picking apart every little circumstance that day. In the end, she gets to the same point (my day sucked), but in the process she causes my brain to turn to jello.

46

How is it that my wife can have two closets full of clothes and shoes, yet anytime we’re going to go out anywhere she has to buy a new outfit because she “has nothing to wear?”

47

[QUOTE=tdn]
My ex-SO and I rented a movie once. It looked like a comedy, but instead it was about a woman dealing with her out-of-control DiCaprio son. In the end, her father died. What did SO think of the movie? “You NEVER loved me! You’ve been leading me on this whole time!” She then went into a 3-hour crying jag. Yep, that movie revealed what a cad I really am.

[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is not uncommon for my wife to get mad at ME for what charcters do in movies/tv shows we watch together.

48

[QUOTE=SHAKES]
An ex-girlfriend of mine once asked if she could barrow my credit card so she could go to Victoria’s Secrets.

I told her: “Sure babe just keep it under a 100 bucks; OK?” To which she agreed.

So anyway, $200 later, after getting over the angst of her spending a $100 more than I asked her to; I asked her to show me what she got.

For $200 I’m thinking she must have got some really cool sexy outfits.

I’ll be damned if she didn’t pull out these plain panties that looked like something my Grandma would have worn!!

I asked her “WTF is THIS shit? You could have got that at Walmart for about twenty bucks!”

To which she responded: “Ewe gross! I’m not wearing Walmart panties!”

:confused:

So basically, not only did I get swindled out of a $100; I STILL didn’t get treated to a slutty GF show. :mad:
[/QUOTE]

I’m guessing that’s part of the reason she’s an “ex”? :wink:

49

[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
How is it that my wife can have two closets full of clothes and shoes, yet anytime we’re going to go out anywhere she has to buy a new outfit because she “has nothing to wear?”
[/QUOTE]

Ooo! Ooo! I know that one. I had it translated for me. I’m told it’s the same as when you open the fridge and there’s plenty of stuff there, but you still can’t find anything to eat.

When I first moved to town to be with my (now ex-) wife, I had to go get a suit for job interviews. We picked out a good, reputable men’s store downtown. One of the sales staff met me at the door. I told him I needed a charcoal gray pinstripe, he eyed me up, guessed my size (correctly) and pulled out 3 that he had on hand. I tried on the jacket of the one I liked best and decided I approved. I put the whole shebang on, the tailor marked it, I changed back and we left. Total elapsed time: 10-15 minutes. Wifey asks, “Did we just get ripped off?” I had to explain that no, that was the kind of service I expected at a good men’s store. She just couldn’t fathom that men wouldn’t want to spend a lot of time picking out clothes.

50

[QUOTE=Flipshod]
Yes, it is not uncommon for my wife to get mad at ME for what charcters do in movies/tv shows we watch together.
[/QUOTE]
I’ve been known to wake up angry at my husband because of something he did to me in a dream. “You just *left *me in the middle of the desert!”

51

Oh, Fridge Blindness. I know that. It’s why my husband can’t see the labelled container of food, plainly visible, in the middle of the fridge. Which I packed up for him. He can, on the other hand, spot granola bars and Coke from a distance of 100 metres.

It used to be worse. The only food he recognised used to be peanut M&Ms.
(Puts on Amatuer Clothing Historian Hat)
Guin is right about women’s clothes- actually, clothes in general. Regardless of the size, garment cut is paramount. ‘Classic’ pairs of jeans from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and today, are all going to look and fit totally differently, even if the inch measurements for all of them are exacly the same.
I didn’t really need the hat. I just wanted to use it.

52

Ha! Thought of something. And I know I’m not alone, because I’ve heard other women complaining about it.

Howcum guys don’t come to the table at dinnertime? Although I give him countdowns (ten minutes to dinner - five minutes to dinner, etc.), it’s only after I set the plates down that he:

  1. Turns off the computer.
  2. Steps outside to check on the weather.
  3. Goes to take a whizz and washes his hands.
  4. Adjusts the blinds.
  5. Sits down, then decides he wants a refill on his glass of water, which he goes and gets.
  6. Returns and starts channel-surfing to find a show to watch while we eat. This takes several minutes.

About the time he picks up his fork, I’m just finishing up. I’ve had it with waiting on my meal for him to sit down, because I’m going to eat cold congealing food anymore.

Another woman at work says her guy doesn’t come to the table until the family is half-done eating, and then he slips in surreptitiously, hoping to avoid notice.

Why is this?

53

[QUOTE=Lissla Lissar]
Puts on Amatuer Clothing Historian Hat)
Guin is right about women’s clothes- actually, clothes in general. Regardless of the size, garment cut is paramount. ‘Classic’ pairs of jeans from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and today, are all going to look and fit totally differently, even if the inch measurements for all of them are exacly the same.
I didn’t really need the hat. I just wanted to use it.
[/QUOTE]

The real question is…how long did you spend shopping for the hat? Did you try on 28 different hats before settling on that one? Do you have matching gloves and shoes? :wink:

54

I wouldn’t call it shopping. It was more like… a profound, life-changing search, with the company of five girlfriends. Over a period of years. While talking about our feelings. And eating chocolate.

:smiley:

55

Men don’t understand women and clothes because men have suits, button up shirts, t-shirts, khakis, and jeans. Some wear sweaters, but mostly I think those are there to get their SOs to buy them for the men who won’t wear them.

Women have:
-button up shirts:
tailored like a man’s shirt
frilly with short sleeves and feminine print
princess cut
tunic cut
empire waist
fitted
loose
dolman sleeved
set in sleeved
raglan sleeved
print
solid
stripe
translucent with pattern
translucent without pattern

do you want me to discuss collars? how about pants in which we can buy pipe leg, tapered leg, straight leg, boot cut, flared? in ten different lengths from Daisy Dukes to drag the ground. Sweaters?

I’m not even going to go into the underwear or dresses.

every single one of those things is cut differently and that cut changes depending on who made the item of clothing and when it was made. Jean manufacturers are notorious for changing patterns just when you find one you like so you can’t even go grab your favorite jeans in your size without trying them on first.

I tend to stick to classic cuts. It saves on headaches. It is still a bit bemusing to go jeans shopping with the husband and spend five minutes at it. It would have taken 2 but he has an odd numbered inseam length and was trying to find that.

But to make up for the clothing shopping, I never try to make my SO read my mind. :wink: