I’m male and I’m calendar-deficient. (Bear with me.) This means that I am frequently unsure how old I am. (It’s like being dyslexic, only funnier.) My wife’s birthday is in May and my birthday is in September. Anyway, year before last my wife turned 37 in May, so when my birthday rolled around in September I thought I turned 38. (We’ve always been “the same age” in my mind.) And since I’m male, I can expect to live until 76, and 38 is half of 76, and, well, long story short, I got incredibly bummed out because half my life was over … except I had calculated my age wrong. My wife still tells the story of how I moped around all day until she got me to tell her what was wrong. And so I got my first mid-life crisis out of the way ahead of time … when I actually turned 38 (four months ago) it was no big deal.
On the other hand, I started losing my hair at 25. I knew it was getting thin on top, but I had no idea until we were in a store with a video camera and monitor set up. I looked up at the monitor and saw this guy with this huge bald patch walking by. I thought, hey, look at the bald guy! And then I noticed he was walking at exactly the same speed I was, and there was no one else around … I complained to my wife – finance at the time – why didn’t you tell me I was going bald? And she said, I didn’t think you’d want to know!
So I grew my beard out to compensate and I felt better about my looks … until the sides of my beard turned white a couple of years ago. I recently shaved off everything except the goatee and I look 38 again, instead of 50. What’s left of my hair hasn’t gone gray yet …
Fortunately, I was blessed with near-perfect health, so I still feel about 25. Of course, part of that is that I gave up drugs and alcohol when I was 25. And I recently gave up caffeine … which made me feel like I was 76 for a week or two, but has since made me feel much, much better.
I do feel old sometimes when I look at our parents. My mother and my wife’s mother both failed to make any plans for retirement, so we have to pitch in to make ends meet. Mind you, these are the two women who, when I was 25, told me that I was an irresponsible kid who would never amount to anything. (But I’m not bitter :rolleyes) After my father died and my wife’s mother got divorced, my wife had to give both women the lecture about using condoms. Both women said, and I quote, “But I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant anymore!” :eek: We are child-free – our choice – somewhere along the way, somehow, we have become parents to our parents.