When Facing an Angry Mob Armed with Raspberries, What is Best to Do?

Of course, conventional wisdom says that if you are pursued by an angry mob who are armed with raspberries, you should release the tiger. Because the tiger will eat your attackers, and also eat the raspberries.

However, could a tiger, an animal that is classified as a true carnivore, be relied upon to eat the raspberries?

Wouldn’t it make more sense to release the grizzly bear? Grizzlies are fond of berries and would no doubt devour the raspberries, mob, pointed sticks, and all.

What do you think?

Raspberries don’t kill people, raspberry allergies kill people who are extremely allergic to Raspberries. And I suppose if you get one logged in the Trachea , but then it’s really the asphyxiation that kills the person not the Raspberry per se. Or if maybe you slip on the goo of a raspberry on teh street, and break your head, but that is really more of a combination of gravity and rapid deceleration doing the killing.

That’s a feature not a bug! The tiger eats the mob and you eat the raspberries

You lure the mob beneath the 16 ton weight.

Raspberries don’t kill people, people kill people. If the tiger eats the people, the raspberries will just… lie there.

Pull out your cellphone, call doordash, and order 500 Mrs. Fields cookies and 250 pints of Ben&Jerry’s plain vanilla ice cream. Then borrow a cuisinart from one of the people in the mob and whip up a raspberry coulis.

Now you’re ready to distract the angry mob with dessert (as soon as you get plates, napkins, flatware, tables, chairs, and whipped cream).

Blow raspberries back at them.

I would go for the pointed stick.

I have not been trained to face an angry mob armed with raspberries and only nominally instructed in how to defend myself against an attacker with a banana so I’m not sure what I would do .

Take away their angry mob and the raspberries are powerless.

Go with the pointed stick for the marry, fuck or kill?
And which for the Tiger and raspberry?

Hmmm…well, if the crowd was armed with The Raspberries, I’d ask them to play Go All The Way at full volume. I bet the tiger would dig it.

Maybe you kill the tiger with the pointed stick after the tiger eats the mob?

And when the PETA vegans come after you for killing the tiger, you distract them with the raspberries so you can make your getaway.

Break out the Bisquick, and offer to make everyone raspberry cobbler if they calm down.

I strongly recommend . . . I do mean strongly . . . have another drink laddie.

Raspberry Spritzer?

(Pause)

Lemon Curry?

Pointed stick, hell! Give me a loaded Webley .455!

Princess Blueberry knows which is which. But you still have to guess if she’s telling you the truth. Would she rather you get killed by a tiger than see you with another berry?

Awww…the good answers are already taken, so I guess I’ll answer…42!

Step 1: Slice open your durian. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og5e6wLIU18)
Step 2: The angry mob disperses due to the noxious order.
Step 3: Collect dropped raspberries.
Step 4: Open a pop-up raspberry stand.
Step 5: Profit!