Do these threads scare the hell out of anyone else that’s getting close to menopause? I’m 49 so it has to start sooner than later, I think. I’m not sure what signs I’m supposed to be watching for but everyone tells me that I’ll know it when I get there and that hot flashes are unmistakable. I don’t want to be a moody mess for a few years or have to take hormones so that everyone else can stand to be around me. 
I’m not close to menopause (unless the gods feel like playing a cruel trick on me), but yes, I am afraid. Very, very afraid. I was a wicked teen going through puberty, an absolute mess on hormonal BC, and I’m sure I will go on some sort of rampage or spree when the big M comes to town.
God, yes. I’m heading for 43, and had a hysterectomy 4 years ago (keeping my ovaries.) Women in my family tend to have early perimenopause and long, drawn-out menopause. :rolleyes: At least I won’t have to deal with the really irregular, heavy periods the others have.
Like many here, my mom went through menopause while I was finishing my last year of high school. Between her oldest kid leaving for college and her mother descending into the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease, life was absolute hell for everyone for a few years, culminating in her starting a screaming fight nearly every time we talked. As my dad said, the only rational solution was to duck and cover.
She’s since apologized for not controlling herself better, I’ve expressed that I never held it against her, and all’s well.
You may not have to. Not everyone experiences the same degree of symptomology, but I would suggest finding a little fold up fan to keep in your bag. Nothing like sweatin’ like a pig amid 200 people in a room air conditioned to 68 degrees, all while wearing a spaghetti strap sundress.
Some women take a more homeopathic approach to their symptoms and find relief there. There are risks with hormone replacement therapy and the more natural hormones, some of which have to be compounded by your pharmacist, seem to work best with fewer side effects (the last time I researched it)
As with any medication the risks have to be measured against the benefits. For me the potential risks (none manifested so far) far out weighed the crazy.
LunaticFringette, thanks for that link. I’m going to look into that book. If you’ve read it, is it also helpful for women from age 35 up, who may or may not be experiencing peri menopause?
It wasn’t that bad for me, but I was already taking Prozac!! Hot flashes from time to time, especially at night, which wasn’t any fun but didn’t kill me. And it wasn’t bad for my mother, either.
Absolutely, positively, YES!
especially since my menstrual cycle, once clock-regular, has gone unpredictable over the past six months :smack:
I don’t want to go nuts for a year and more!:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
Absolutely, but also helpful for *any *female as it’s not limited to menopause alone. The relationship of pathologies and hormones are addressed and the reader is referred to appropriate resources for further information.
doreen… You’re making me nervous, here. My mom’s name is also Doreen & she’s originally from Queens. And she’s been going through menopause for a couple years (winding down now, I suspect).
You’re not my mother, right?
RIGHT?
For the past 2 years I’ve been irregular in spring and summer and then regular again in fall and winter. I have no idea why but I’m pretty sure that I haven’t had a hot flash yet. At least I’m done with working so if I have horrible embarrassing symptoms I can have them at home, or at least not in the middle of a meeting. My mom has always been a drama queen and I haven’t lived near her in 30 years but I don’t recall any period where she was any worse than usual. My sister said it started at 50 for her and she’s still crying a year later. That’s encouraging.
I don’t think so- your profile has you a few years older than my college students.
These threads scare me, an almost-52-year-old woman, only because we haven’t heard from people who had few problems. My mom went through the change at age 57, shortly after my dad had died suddenly, leaving her in a new house in a new city with the closest one of us kids two hours away. She complained a bit about hot flashes, but that was the extent of it. I never saw her get moody, or flip out. She never once yelled, screamed or complained, even though she had to live on her own for the first time in her life, while trying to sell a house (also for the first time in her life) and move back home. She never went to a doctor…she figured nothing was really wrong with her, so why bother the doctor? so she used no hormones, no natural remedies, nothing.
My sister is now 55, and she is my canary in the coal mine for this. And she hasn’t really started any symptoms. I’ll be watching her closely, though! And to be honest, I have a lot of older women as friends…and I’ve never seen a one of them flip out. Maybe they don’t do it in public, but the only complaints I ever hear are about hot flashes. Especially from the ones who had been on hormones for years, and then went off, only to find out that the hormones only put hot flashes on hold…they still got them, even though they thought it was over years ago.
So could we hear from a few more people who found menopause to be no huge deal? Because I know you all are out there…or your moms are…
Then let me be the first. I’m 48 (49 in a couple of months) and started noticing perimenopausal symptoms about 4 years ago. I’ve had less than a dozen episodes of nights sweats and only a handful of really uncomfortable hot flashes. I haven’t reached a year yet but it’s been several months since my last period. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this is IT!
My best friend suffered horribly through menopause and she can’t believe how I seem to be breezing through it. I’m not having mood swings and haven’t bitten anyone’s head off. That’s not just me talking, others say the same thing.
I have chosen not to take hormones since this seems to be going so well for me but if things should happen to turn horribly wrong, I’ll certainly rethink that decision.
So there ARE some of us for whom it is not the worst time of their lives.
I’m 54 and only had my period twice in 2008 – it’s now 7 months since my last one and I’m hoping to make it to the full year that will make me officially menopausal.
My thermostat is a little wonky, but haven’t yet had an omigod-sweat-pouring-down hot flash, and my temperament remains equable.
IOW – so far, no biggie, other than the fact that I don’t get my period very often, which I consider a good thing.
Incidental, I feel for ya.
My mom was not the easiest to get along with during her menopause, which came rather early–she was only 48. And it really did seem like a ‘good mom going bad.’
Your dad probably is seeking a bit of relief from your calls, but I think it’s okay to back off a little bit, and say why.
I am 54 and had my last period in spring of '07. I had some nasty night sweats that summer and during the late summer/fall of '08. I think that part of the reason they come about is because I can’t have the AC turned as cool as I like (disagreement with spouse, he’d like it at 78, I’d prefer 10 degrees colder, we try to compromise.)
In 2004/5, I inexplicably lost a bunch of weight, without trying, when I wasn’t at all heavy, then recently slowly gained it back. (Tests showed nothing.)
Outside of that, it hasn’t been all that bad.
I certainly don’t miss the periods.
As far as the emotional stuff goes, I don’t think I’ve been as crazed as my mom was.
Have not taken any hormones, but did take that Hot Flash stuff during the night sweats–it did seem to help.
Just another voice chiming in to say be strong, try to realize it really sucks for her right now, and maybe start sending a lot of cards or flowers. That way you can show you care without talking to her.
Like others here, my generally awesome mom went through menopause when I was a teenager. Puberty hormones mixing with menopause hormones is a recipe for disaster. She started yelling and crying over really bizarre, minuscule things, and she would start fights for no reason. When she started getting physically violent, she started seeing a doctor and got put on some kind of hormone regimen and also treated for other things (depression). We went from best friends to barely talking, I moved out immediately after high school, and it took almost four years for us to get back to a good relationship state. We simply do not talk about those years at all. So it might be a blessing that you don’t live with her.
If you talk to your dad and he says it’s getting really bad, maybe encourage your mom to see a doctor so they can try to help. Also, if you live near them, maybe take your dad out to lunch or something. If you do try to write letters, maybe try to emphasize the good things she’s done in the past, aspects of her personality you find really great, and how you appreciate her as a mom. It might not be true now, but it could smooth things out a little and make her feel like she’s still loved even if she feels crazy.
There is an excellent summary on Dr. Christane Northrup’s website on:
The Perimenopause Transition and the Big 4 hormones;
Estrogen Dominance which seems to cause havoc to us the longest; and
Bio-Identical Hormones,which I think I’ll be talking to my doctor about, soonish. It’s time to crawl out of the bombed out crater of my endocrinal system.
Hey guys,
Thanks for all the responses and words of encouragement. Sorry it took me so long to reply - I’ve been on the road since Monday, driving around to job interviews. I just got home last night.
Anyway, in response to some of the questions:
I’m 25, my sister is 23 and my Mom is 52. I haven’t lived at home for the last eight years, been financially independent for the past four, and my upcoming move is from one city in another state to another city in another state. My parents aren’t really involved in it and it won’t affect our relationship, which has been long-distance for a while now.
I agree with the Wedding craziness. My sister isn’t making this easy in some ways either. My Mom is a small weddings type of person - I think they had 20 people at theirs and spent $200 (in 1970), my sister would be a big wedding person if she had the budget for it. I think some of the friction is between my Mom and the future MIL - who is a big weddings person, but also doesn’t want to pay for anything. Ugh. I’ve been avoiding this situation as best I can, which apparently to menopause-mom means I secretly plan to ruin it.
Somewhat. The downsides of fighting with my Mom is that she knows where all the emotional tender spots are. She’s brought me to tears twice. To keep a long story short, she’s been saying things along the lines of “no wonder you can’t maintain a long-term relationship/have any friends, look at what a horrible person you are!” Which I know isn’t strictly true, but has just enough truth to it (plus is coming from my Mother, someone I’d previously been extremely close to) to really, really sting. I feel like once she launches into unrelated personal attacks to back up her side in fights, this is now emotionally abusive. She’s not needy - she’s vicious and has an excellent instinct for the emotional jugular.
The thing that really pisses me off about this is how she uses menopause as an excuse afterwards. Like it doesn’t matter that she brought me to tears because she’s in menopause. I realize that she’s not getting a lot of sleep - but honestly, I’d be happy with a simple apology after these meltdowns. I don’t know…maybe I’m way off base here.
I am well aware that my poor father is probably taking the brunt of this situation. He’s probably taking even more shit than I’m aware of. I’m just not sure how to help out. If I call and get into a fight with Mom, she’s irritable afterwards and takes it out on him. I felt bad leaving home early this holiday season and abandoning him, but getting into fights with Mom in person wasn’t helping anything either.
Okay…no big deal. My big issue was that I had to keep doing birth control until I hadn’t had a period in a year. I’d go 6 months…then have one. Eight months…another one. Bugger! (Wait, for that you don’t need b.c.)
Finally I made it through a whole year.
Hot flashes don’t bother me. After having a few, I do realize why they might bother others, but I’m the one who doesn’t like a.c. The hotter it gets, the happier I am.
If I concentrate I can actually summon a hot flash–they seem to appear for the same reasons I would get a bit warmer back in the old days, embarrassment, fear, impure thoughts–so that’s easy enough. Very handy when I’m out walking in 18-degree weather, although I can’t make them last any longer than a couple of minutes.
I had kind of a nasty temper all my life so I don’t think my family members experienced any elevation of hostilities. That said, while it’s not great to have a bad temper, I never did just go off for no reason at all. If you don’t want me to rail on your ass, don’t make me mad. I’m speaking of things like removing the batteries from the TV remote to put into some handheld gaming device, for instance, which doesn’t get discovered until I’m ready to watch the one TV show I watch all week. Or removing my keychain from my bag and leaving my keys in a place I would never, ever think to look for them, to wit, outside, on the picnic table, right next to the back door. All night. Yes, having a teenager in the house can complicate life.