Like I said, it is the Too Much Information thread. Tread carefully.
Post #23. I just about died. YMMV.
I actually opened Homer’s “monkey butler” thread just after he had made the OP.
I was in the office, but working late, so I was alone. Good thing, because I was on the floor crying with laughter for 10 minutes. I think what made it so funny was imagining how drunk he had to be to type that OP.
When I saw Animal House in the movie theater, I almost wet myself.
I think the toga party scene when Blutarsky grabs the folk singer’s guitar and smashes it and then gives that half shrug to the poor guy was the funniest thing I have ever seen.
My dad is a very funny guy and, when we were kids, delighted in getting my sisters and me laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe. If he could do so while we had a mouthful of milk so that it would come out of our noses, so much the better. He’d also sometimes chase us around and tickle us until we gasped helplessly, “I… can’t… *breathe!” *I know some people hate that feeling, but when I was 7 or so, boy, there’s nothing better.
I was on a Boy Scout camping trip. It was a cold night and for some silly reason my tentmates and I were pretending we were doing a TV commercial for the OhSoComfy Sleeping Bag Co. The tagline was, in a cloyingly cute, Shirley Temple-like voice, “They’re OhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhSoComfy!” When our Scoutmaster, a great guy but very buttoned-down and businesslike, got in his sleeping bag and repeated the line, absolutely pitch-perfect, we laughed so much we almost threw up. It was so uncharacteristic of him that we just loved it.
When I first saw Dumb and Dumber in the theater, the scene where Harry and Lloyd are coping with the very hot peppers at the diner, and Lloyd is squeezing ketchup and mustard bottles vertically and trying to drink the stuff in midair, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder at a movie. Gasping. Tears from my eyes. Totally paralyzed. Loved it.
Great thread!
My wife and I were in our kitchen and she was feeding our cats. One of them, Ran-Tan, was having medical problems and was on a special wet diet, while the others were on dry food. So she made an exception for the sick kitty and allowed him to eat on the counter to keep the others from snarfing his special food. This cat had a habit of meowing quietly and sometimes opening his mouth, but making no sound at all. Weird, but cute.
Our oldest cat, Harvo, would hang out near my wife’s feet all the time, probably hoping that he could get some of this different food. He had a rather loud meow.
She was getting ready to spoon the food from the can into Ran-Tan’s bowl when he did his silent meow at the exact same instant Harvo meowed from the floor.
I said “They’re practicing their ventriloquist act!”
We were in tears.
It was one of those moments were I said the exact right thing at the right time. *
Once, I was having dinner with Lissener and a group of friends visiting Chicago from England. We were at a nice Mexican restaurant, Las Palmas. Lissener had just told Kurt Vonnegut’s favorite joke (it has to be told, not read) to great laughter and the table was still giggling minutes later. One of the English guys then said “That’s like the Currant Bun joke.” I asked what’s that?" He said “How does an elephant ask for a currant bun?” Typing it out, it doesn’t read that funny, but when he put his arm up to mimic a trunk and said “I’d like a currant bun please” I literally fell off my chair.
- Sometimes the universe supplies a set-up, and you come up with the punch line. If you have the audience, it’s a joy. If not, it’s a disappointment. I was changing planes at O’Hare and I heard a page over the speakers “Mr. Smith, return to gate B13 to retrieve your satchel. Mr. Smith, please return to gate B13 to retrieve your black satchel”. I immediately though “Oh, this must be the famous Black Satchel Paige!” But I was alone.
Oh god, that reminds me.
One night the ex and I got onto some weird conversational thread about what would happen if we combined Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Star Trek. “Make it so, Rudolph!” “Dammit Jim, I’m a dentist, not a toymaker!” And she could do Rudolph’s voice perfectly. I’m not sure how she worked the idea of testicles into it, but her favorite thing was Scottie saying “Captain! These testicles are silver and gold!”
It actually took us about 6 months to stop laughing at that.
Here’s one that involves other Dopers.
We had set up Dopefest for sometime in July. We got about a dozen people to show up, including bbs2k. He had never met strangers from the Internet before, and he was a little nervous about it. He asked his brother to go with him. But he wasn’t sure if it would be OK to invite someone along who was not an actual Doper. So he hatched his plan. He’d pick a Doper who was pretty new, fairly unknown, and very unlikely to be a local. Maybe someone from, say, Japan. He picked Autolycus. beebs then printed out every thread that Auto had participated in and had his brother learn Auto’s stories and style. Then the brother would show up at the Dopefest pretending to be Auto.
We’re not at the funny part yet.
Anyway, beebs ended up going alone, and of course, except for the squid injuries, everthing was fine.
Several months later Equipoise started a thread saying that she was coming to Boston and needed some recommendations for hotels and restaurants. As to the restaurant part, Auto said “I’ll show up for that!” I thought he lived in Japan. Weird. But I also decided to show up.
At the restaurant, I learned from Auto that he was now living and going to school in Boston. What school? Hey, I live near there. What street do you live on? Hey, me too. As it turned out, he was living right across the street from me.
We’re still not at the funny part.
So a few months after that, we decided to meet at a local Thai restaurant. We invited beebs to join us. I think we tried to invite a few others, but it just ended up being the three of us. beebs came in last, sat down, then jumped up, claiming he had to get something from his car. Very strange. When he came back, he told the story of inviting to his brother to the Dopefest, and handed this enormous three-ring binder full of printouts of every thread Auto had participated in to Auto.
I was laughing so hard that tom yum soup was squirting out of my tear ducts.
About a hundred (okay, thirty) years ago, I had a pretty goofy boyfriend. I don’t remember how this particular scene started out, but he was chasing me around my apartment singing “Danke Schoen” (in his best Wayne Newton voice) and this made me laugh hysterically for some reason.
This in turn led his friend AND my sister to join in the singing and chasing. I ran out the front door, down the stairs and up the street laughing helplessly while they chased me, still singing. I eventually collapsed on a lawn around the corner while they clustered around me. Singing Danke Schoen.
Dr. Woo, that is something I would do.
But I am a rather silly person at times.
Yes. At a film fest. There was a whole row of us with tears in our eyes. The movie was pretty atrocious, but trying to keep from laughing and seeing one another unable to contain themselves only made it funnier. The filmmaker was there, somewhere, god help them.
In case you were wondering, the canoe and devil (Batman) were in reference to the Québecois folk story of La chasse galerie. The label on bottles of Mauditebeer make reference to this story, and the French RDS announcers for the opening ceremonies actually said something along the lines of “I hope all of you at home are enjoying some of that now!” It wasn’t on the level of hysterical laughter this thread is talking about, but I did find it very funny!
Recently, we started a quick load of laundry because both my husband and I were short on socks. As it happens, we forgot to put the load in the dryer and didn’t realize it until we were going to bed (it turned out ok…we both found some clean ones for the next morning). Anyways, when I remembered that we hadn’t dried the load, my husband said “Shit! Socks!”. This led me to collapse in laugher - shitsocks! - and is now one of my favourite curses!
In a class on Mechanical Vibrations, the radiator started vibrating, then banging, then generally pounding out a very industrial and awesome rhythm, that got louder and louder and changed beats every once in a while, all to the general annoyance, then bewilderment, then mass hysteria of the class. By the time it stopped, a good five minutes after it started, we were about 80 people reduced to tears by the absurdity of it, and the prof had to take a minute or two to recover.
My brother is generally able to make me laugh hysterically to the point where my father jokes that just saying my brother’s name to me is enough to get me to lose it. The sad thing is, it often is! I’ve never succeeded in having a serious conversation with my brother - one of us will make a sarcastic comment, and then it just devolves from there. My parents constantly ask us what’s so funny - lately it’s “pudding cups!” because of a very inappropriate and offensive joke he made.
About 15 years ago I went to a potluck with a friend. We arrived a little early; at that point it was me, my friend (a woman), the host (a woman), and the host’s next-door neighbor (also a woman, whose mother lived with her).
During the conversation, the neighbor said she’d have to go home to get her mother and their dishes. The dish her mother made was a cheese-based dip, which the neighbor started raving about, always calling it “my mother’s cheese.” After the 4th or 5th time she said it, I had a funny thought. Very funny. So funny I couldn’t stand it. I started to try to verbalize it but could only get out the first word or two before I started laughing. “Is it… laughter… is… laughter… is it… laughter….” etc. I was crying and clutching at my sides. The three women were giggled at my antics; I kept thinking about how hard they’d laugh once I was able to say the god damned fucking funniest thing I’d thought of in a long long time.
Finally, after at least three minutes, I stopped laughing and was able to say “Your mother’s cheese. Is it made with your mother’s milk?” I started laughing again but the rest of the room was dead silent. I got a glare from the hostess. The neighbor mumbled “That’s not funny” and went home to get her dishes. I felt inches tall, and was still chuckling uncomfortably.
For the rest of the party, the hostess looked at me sideways and the neighbor avoided me. After an hour or so I begged my friend (who had driven) if we could leave early, but she was having a good time, so it was an uncomfortable few hours for me. Her mother’s cheese was pretty tasty though.
Oh geeze, that sounds like me putting my foot in my mouth. I would have laughed, though, because I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old.
As for the OP, when my dad showed me “A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum” for the first time, we nearly wet ourselves during the chariot chase scene. I think we had to pause the movie for 5 or 10 minutes so we could recover. We still ask each other, “would you like a pint of mare’s sweat with that?”
I used to teach at a tutoring center for kids with learning disabilities. One of my students was a 14-year-old girl who was very fun, but also more than a little rebellious and difficult to work with. I had convinced her to read To Kill a Mockingbird by describing the dramatic plot involving a black man falsely accused of rape in the Deep South. However, if you all remember the beginning of Mockingbird, there’s a lot of stuff about the town’s background to slog through before you get to the meaty stuff. My student was rushing sloppily through paragraphs and refusing to answer any of my comprehension questions while I was trying to explain why this stuff would be important later. We were getting frustrated with each other when finally she shouted at the top of her lungs:
“Dammit, Pyper, I WANT TO KNOW WHO RAPED WHO!”
Now, very luckily for us, the only other people in the room were a 16-year-old student and another tutor, who promptly burst out laughing. It was hard to bring any focus back to the session after that.
Me and 3 of my closest friends had dropped acid and had realized we had THE ENTIRE INTERNET at our disposal so started typing random things into youtube. I mention rule 34, that it is the generally accepted internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject. Someone mentions muppets and we proceed to watch a very strange thing with Kermit the frog and a staged ‘money shot’. This was very funny in itself but not what left us all paralysed by laughter.
Sometime later in the night we are discussing the muppet porn and my friend says to me, ‘You know that muppet porn was GAY muppet porn?’ this confuses us so we ask how he has come to this conclusion ‘Because Kermit was doing Fozy bear’, I say ‘No that wasn’t Fozy bear! That was just some indiscriminate muppet!’
We were all gone with ‘indiscriminate muppet’ and couldn’t speak for 10 minutes for laughing so hard. I’m not sure what the neighbours thought.
I won’t go into much detail about it…but I was at our weekly work lunch today…and we were talking about breast physics. And it had to do with work.
I love the people I work with, and our lunches are usually full of laughs, but today we were just all in the right mood for a good laugh-out-loud day.
We went to see “Kung-Pao: Enter The Fist” in the theatres (I don’t know why - it seemed like a good idea at the time), and the theatre was about half full. At one point we were a little embarrassed because we were laughing so hard throughout the whole thing, and no one else was really laughing at all. We’ve since bought the dvd, and it still cracks us right up every time we watch it.
Oh yes, I still have that binder. It’s a good reminder of my over-the-top past.
Mine’s probably not as funny. Friends and I were at a small get-together a few weeks back, when some crankypants says something borderline mean to me. I inform her that was snappier than her mom’s vagina. Yes, it was totally puerile, and nobody really made any comment.
It was five minutes later, when I was talking by the fridge and remarked to a friend, “Boy that conversation earlier… that was a snappy comeback.” For some reason that set us off and we laughed nonstop for a few minutes. Yeah… I guess it was only funny for us at that moment.
Back in college, I was watching a comedy concert on HBO starring Billy Connolly. Near the end, he does an extended riff on farting (NSFW language) that had me laughing so hard that I literally could not draw enough breath, and under the hysteria I started to be afraid I would pass out. I can watch it now without losing it, but it’s still one of the funniest things I ever saw. (it starts about a minute into that link, and really picks up steam around 2:42).
Most of the time, when something makes me helpless with laughter, it’s something that I will acknowledge EVEN AT THE TIME is not funny enough to warrant my reaction. Two examples:[ul][li]A Dave Barry column wherein he is talking about space aliens who mutilate cows by removing their lips, and mentions the cows mooing, but points out that because their lips are gone, they just go “Oooo! Oooo!”[/li][li]The phrase “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet sweaty things.”[/ul][/li]On each of those occasions, I tried to call Mrs. Chef and tell her the joke, and could NOT make it through without dissolving into screaming cackles of laughter, all the while saying, “I don’t know what my problem is – it really isn’t that funny.” To which she kept replying, “Well, why are you calling me to tell me about it then?”