The last 10 seconds.
At the time, this nearly killed me. I was eating and starting choking and laughing.
The Nairobi Trio.
My brother and I would nearly pass out when we saw this.
At my friend Paul’s house, we were discussing how his love life had died down. He had a personal ad on Yahoo that he had posted many months before and was telling me how he didn’t have many hits on it.
I asked him if I could take a look at it from a female point of view and see if I could offer suggestions to increase his responses from women. He agreed.
When I looked at the section where you write a few paragraphs describing your likes, dislikes, goals…etc. I noticed one sentences that seemed peculiar.
It said, “I love to laugh at a simple child’s joke.”
“Uh, Paul,” I said, “I think you meant to say something else. You switched the words “simple” and “child’s” around which gives it a whole new meaning.”
I began to laugh after I pictured these women reading Paul’s personal ad, horrified that he’d admit to mocking and laughing at a mentally disabled child who’s just trying to fit in.
When it slowly dawned on him what he’d written, we heaved and sobbed with laughter until we were exhausted.
I knew a guy with the kind of personality that made you feel at ease losing yourself completely in laughter, usually brought on by something he said or the way he said it.
We were driving around and discussing Twilight, with both of us saying how it wasn’t our cup of tea, and it was so silly and romantic in a high-school-girl way. He mentioned that one of his sisters loved the movie series because it meshed so well with her personality, and how the two of them had never really gotten along because of her tendency to get carried away with romanticized fantasies. He started doing a goofy imitation of her, in a lisping voice, saying “Oh, I just love the trees and the rainbows and the smell of babies’ assholes…” Just the random bit of vulgarity thrown in made me start laughing in a hysteric fashion, with tears rolling down my face, until I had to stop because he was starting to get concerned.
Another time, he told me about a bizarre dream he had in which his brother-in-law teabagged him. (i.e. when a man puts his balls into the face/mouth of another person, either for sexual fulfillment or just to be gross and funny.) It’s supposed to be the height of hilarity when done to an unsuspecting person, but he said he really didn’t understand the point of doing this to another man, or even of watching it take place. “No matter what your role is when this takes place, it’s not cool. You’re either a guy…with another guy’s balls in your face…or you’re a dude…who’s got your balls in another guy’s face…or you’re a dude…watching another dude…put his balls in another dude’s face.” I had to stop eating and try to control my laughter, because my face was turning red.
There are seven of us in my cubicle pod at work, and four you need to know for this story:
“Sneezy,” who is the sort of person who considers herself very bold but actually frets about and over-analyzes everything;
“Happy,” who laughs a lot (he listens to some funny radio program, so we often hear his boisterous chuckle);
“Grumpy,” who is a cantankerous old woman with very deadpan, sarcastic humor;
and “Doc,” a smart, rather quiet guy who doesn’t usually get involved in office drama.
We have the sort of office where everyone gives each other crap and jokes around. Sneezy, as you may have guessed from my nickname for her, sneezes pretty frequently. She tries to muffle it by keeping her mouth closed, but all that does is make a funny noise out her nose. For several weeks, Happy would giggle every time Sneezy sneezed.
One afternoon a couple months, as everyone was stressed and tired, Sneezy did her little “kmph!” sneeze and Happy chuckled at it. This time, Grumpy started laughing, too: this “hm-mm-mm-mm” sound with her lips closed. It was so unexpected that it set off me and the two other women laughing as well.
Sneezy is suddenly all worried, saying “Are my sneezes that obnoxious? I’m so sorry…” over and over while Doc is completely confused and kept asking what was so funny about a sneeze. Both of them only made us laugh harder. Every since then, there’s been about a 10% chance that Sneezy will make us all laugh while Doc says “I still don’t get it.” Meanwhile, Sneezy has convinced herself that we think she sneezes too loudly, causing her to squelch it more, making progressively funnier noises.
Back in my uni days, in a large rambling house, late on a night of over indulgence of various substances, we’re sitting around a kitchen table covered with the ruins of our evening; half full bowl of cheeseballs, dirty plates, over flowing ashtrays, empty beer tins, wine bottles, you get the idea.
At one point one of the participants begin to act the fool bouncing around, at the end of table while another, seated player, throws cheeseballs for her to catch, like a trained seal. It’s pretty amusing and she is truly awful at it. She drawing nothing but abuse from the crowd now catcalling and laughing at each effort and failure. Things go on like this for a few minutes, the funny ratcheting up, as it does.
Now we’re starting to really laugh at her, and, as a result her movements are growing more exaggerated as she is clearly enjoying playing to her audience. We are now almost in tears, howling with laughter. She still hasn’t caught one in her mouth, we’ve all stopped catcalling and can barely breathe with laughing.
The crescendo comes, when, at long last, and just in the nick of time,(I thought we’d all die if it went on another second), she catches one in her mouth. Only to discover that the tosser had run out of cheeseballs some minutes earlier and switched to cigarette butts, which we were all aware of. She was screaming at us, we were howling and weeping with laughter. It was the perfect storm of practical jokes.
I’m laughing now, just remembering that night.
This story made me laugh so hard I couldn’t stop!
The two stories I can think of are:
On Valentine’s Day, my husband was working (he’s a chef, so V-Day is a very busy day). My brother is single, so we decided to hang out. We rented The Invention of Lying. The movie itself is okay, but there is one scene where Ricky Gervais (the guy who can lie) is telling people about heaven and says that heaven has every flavor of ice cream you can think of. Well, one lady asks about if the bad flavors are there, and he says, “just don’t think about the bad flavors.”
Then some guy in the crowd yells out “I just thought of Vanilla and Skunk!”
Then some lady in the crowd yells out “And the chocolate sauce is diarrhea!”
We had to stop the movie and rewind it we were laughing so hard.
The other time that comes to mind was a couple yeas ago, my friends and I were gathered at one of our houses, playing Wii and drinking a bit. My brother (same one as mentioned above) was playing Mario Party 8 with a few others. One of the other people was my best friend’s little brother. He’s a quiet fellow, has a speech impediment, very computer-nerdy, but sweet. He doesn’t talk much, but he’s great and we like hanging out with him. Anyway, my brother kept losing minigames, but the ones he was losing were all luck-based games instead of skill based games.
My brother, “It’s all luck!”
Then my friend’s brother said, in a quiet voice “and you suck at it.”
We all just about died.
About 10 years ago, I worked in a factory that made plastic & rubber parts for cars. My regular job was on a press that took 2 people to run, inserting hard plastic pieces into a tray, cycling the press, where the trays were pushed into the press where black rubber was injected over the plastic. When the finished parts came out, there were little rubber nubs sticking off that had to be clipped off with cutters.
My work partner was a black guy named Albert; we always had a good time at work, teasing each other and playing jokes back and forth. One evening, we were clipping the rubber nubs off and throwing them at each other. He had his shirt tucked into his rather loose pants, and one of the pieces I tossed at him went right down his shirt and into his pants. This set us both to giggling, and Albert turned his back to me and unzipped his pants to retrieve it.
Just about that time, our supervisor came along, saw him, and asked what he was doing.
Without thinking about what he was saying, Albert replied, “Just trying to get this little black thing out of my pants.”
For a moment, all 3 of us went completely dead silent, and then the laughter erupted. We all laughed until we were crying. I was laying across the table. I had never seen a black man blush until that moment.
It became a running joke with us. I was forever telling him he needed to keep that little black thing in his pants, and he would pop back ‘it ain’t all that little’. 
A joke from my 10 year old:
“Knock, knock!”
“Who’s th…”
“MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! INTERRUPTING COW!!!”
It was nice to know I spawned another hooman from the warped side.
The Whose Line is it Anyway episode with special guest Richard Simmons.
I reached a level of laughter here that I have never reached before, or after. Everything hit me just the right way.
Whose line is a GREAT, GREAT show to begin with. This one episode is EPIC.
Not to oversell it, but there is no doubt, that if only one episode of the show could survive, this would be the unanimous pick - without hesitation.
If you don’t have the time to watch all of it, just watch the first game of the third part.
From my own life, there was one shining moment of my Senior year in High School.
One day, in English, the teacher was explaining the concept of Animism. The concept that non living things can have human qualities, especially in literature.
Her explanation continued until she posed a question :
Take the Ocean and a Female. What do they have in common?
I just blurted out
CRABS!
and the entire class had to take a moment to regain themselves. Half of the class got a good laugh over it, and the other half couldn’t believe that I has just said that, blurting it out, no less.
My friend and I, about 12 years old, the morning after a sleepover. We were in her spare bedroom that had two twin beds across from each other. My friend was drinking orange pop and eating chips. I was holding her teddy-bear hamster named “Button.”
I let out this huuuge belch and did a spinny-finger motion in the air at the same time. My friend spit her pop across the room and literally doubled over laughing, spitting pop & chips onto the carpet. I was just looking incredulously at her, laughing my ass off too, and then I said “Button doesn’t want to see this.” and put my hand over the hamster’s eyes.
Which set my friend off even more - she THREW UP orange pop & chips all…over…the…place…yes, ladies & gentleman, I made my friend laugh so hard she threw up. I’m laughing-out-loud right now as I type this.
I told that story to a co-worker nearly 20 years later and the co-worker had to run to the bathroom because she nearly peed her pants laughing.
I’ve got a couple.
When I was 12, I went to a friend’s house for a sleepover. There were 4 of us, but by about 2:00 AM, only 3 of us were still awake. Sudden’ly, the asleep one yelled out “Feel the wrath of my lightsaber!” We laughed for about 5 minutes straight.
I had 3 friends in my English class in Grade 10. I don’t remember, what brought it on, but one mentioned that blue and purple look the same to him. One of the other guys then said something to the effect of “Yeah, they would if you were colour blind.” I was apparently the only one that knew the first friend is colour blind.
My desk is in an open office with 2 other guys. We all sit with our backs to each other. One of the guys, J, was a new gauge design engineer and I hadn’t talked to him much at all. I think he’d been there about two weeks.
One day I was at my desk and had to stretch. So I stretched and went “Mmmmmmmm” as I stretched (it was one of those stretches).
I hear from behind me “Oh, do you like it? I’m not partial to deserts myself, but this is excellent.”
Not even registering what the quote was from, I asked, “Who are you talking to?”
Without missing a beat, J said, “You, you just made the yummy sound.”
When it hit me that we had just did a scene from Young Frankenstein and I had unknowingly came back with the exact quote, I died laughing. Someone even popped his head out from one of the other offices to check on me. J and I have been best friends ever since.
Someone posted a thread on the Boads asking for help with a book report on To Kill a Mockingbird. We killed that book in every way possible, including one post that Dill and Boo founded the first chapter of the North American Man-Boy Love Association.
Later someone asked how the book report went. The OP stated the teacher was very surprised to find out the above information.
Someone responded: Why? Wasn’t Dill always trying to get Boo to come out?
I was helpless with laughter. I was pounding my desk and tears were streaming down my falls.
I think I’ve posted this one before, but it’s worth repeating.
Years ago, when I worked in a hospital, four of us co-workers got off the elevator to head to the cafeteria. We walked through the main lobby where volunteers had a table set up selling heart pins as a fundraiser. One of our group, Bob, was wearing a heart he had purchased earlier in the day.
Now picture this: a busy but quiet lobby. A gray-haired older volunteer woman recognizes Bob from several feet away as the guy to whom she earlier sold a pin. She shouts out (and I mean, shouts): “Hey Bob! I see you still have your heart on!!!”
None of us could speak for many, many minutes.
At a company I used to work for there was a bathroom near our offices that had a squeaky faucet. I never knew this though because, for whatever reason, I always used one of the other two sinks available. One day I walked into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet while another woman was getting ready to wash her hands. At the exact same time I began to pee she turned on the faucet of doom and I heard “SCREEEEEEE” echo through the bathroom. When I say “exact same time” I mean it and the sound started in tandem with the peeing. I thought my vagina had broken or something for the better part of two seconds until I realized it was the sink. I laughed so hard and long that I think I scared that lady washing her hands.
Once, on the way to a friend’s mother’s funeral, the marquee on the church cracked us both up for about ten minutes.
“TODAY: JANE SMITH MEMORIAL SERVICE
TOMORROW: CHARITY DUNKING BOOTH”
Another time, just after my father’s funeral, we all went to a cousin’s house for a late lunch / early dinner. She was serving barbecue and thought it’d be nice to have the whole family over. Everyone was in a somber mood, naturally, so it was fairly quiet and conversation was almost nonexistent.
When the food was ready to serve, our cousin insisted that we all hold hands in a big circle and say a blessing. Okay, her house, if that’s what she wants, fine. All fifteen or twenty of us get in a big circle, and she begins. “Heavenly Father…”
Then her ancient, wall-eyed Boston terrier stumbled into the middle of our circle. He had a touch of asthma or something, and every time he took a breath it sounded like someone was sucking Jell-o through a shop vac.
"Heavenly Father, we’re - "
“SNOOOORK”
"We’re, uh…we’re gathered here today to - "
“HUUUURK”
" - reaffirm our bonds as - "
“URRRRRGK”
Those gigantic bugged-out eyes and that noise were enough to make us all start laughing under our breath. But it got even better a moment later. A very good, very gay friend of mine was there as well, standing right next to me. The dog went up to him and started panting instead of just breathing.
"We’d like to remember Charles - "
“RUK RUK RUK RUK RUK”
And my friend just lost it. He almost fell over laughing, and this guy had the weirdest laugh I’ve ever heard. It sounds remarkably like the pterodactyls from Jurassic Park, come to think of it.
" - and we thank You, for allowing us - " Goes the prayer.
“RUK RUK RUK RUK RUK” Goes the dog.
“HEEEEEEEE! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Goes my friend.
The rest of us completely lost it. Funniest damn thing I’ve ever been a part of.
Finally, our hostess said “Fuck it, let’s eat.”
Mrs. beerman and I were discussing one night who was going to get dinner. A running joke was “you are closer to the door” well this time we start getting further away from the door both of us end up in the bedroom then it was you have on socks then pants etc. By this time we are both laughing pretty hard but she tries to jump on the bed to get further away from the door bounces off the bed and destroys the night table (it was flimsy) all while we are both naked.
we were both in hysterics by this time.
A couple of years ago I was on a Mediterranean cruise with Sr. Olives and his entire family, enjoying ridiculous amounts of luxury courtesy of his generous grandparents.
During our stop to Athens, they were selling little necklaces shaped like pillars and you could get anything you want carved on them. As we got dressed in the morning in our little cabin, I began to speculate about the sort of thing I would want engraved on such a necklace.
‘‘You could do Athena,’’ said my husband. ‘‘The goddess of wisdom.’’
‘‘Oh.’’ I was putting on my pants very soberly. ‘‘Well, yes, I DO have a lot of wisdom, don’t I?’’
‘‘Um, hon…’’
I then looked down to realize that in the midst of this thoughtful conversation I had managed to put on my pants… completely inside out. I was just standing there half-naked at the foot of the bed with my pants hiked up halfway around my thighs with the pockets hanging out, mocking me.
I don’t think I got off the floor for a good five minutes.
Another incident which happened much more recently… to understand you have to know I am jumpy as hell.
Sr. Olives and I were at my In-Laws playing Mario Kart on the Nintendo Wii. Nobody was at home but the dog, who had one of those giant collars on due to a recent surgery. From the bedroom, as we played, came a loud CRASH!
We both knew it was the dog. My husband got up to check on the noise, kicked the dog out of the bedroom and then looked up to see that our race was about to start.
His eyes grew wide from the hallway. ‘‘Go! Go! Go!’’ he urged softly, rushing to pick up the controller.
I promptly threw the controller on the ground and bolted toward the front door in terror.
Easily 15 minutes before either one of us could breathe.