For those that noticed, it’s been a heck of a last two years. I’ve had a child, found out my husband was a drug addict and had an emotional affair, last week, we talked about divorce. Many of the problems that we have been through, I believe, stem from one particular area. My husband is very self-indulgent and I stand up for myself enough.
After a 12 hour conversation about what it would take to make me happy in my marriage, my husband has agreed to move out of the cesspool that is Tampa, find a place with a coupla acres in the country. The good news is, we have enough equity in our home to be be able to walk away with $200k and buy a place and have NO mortgage.
Now, I grew up in the country, moved here to go to school and had no intention of living here. My husband is born and bred here, only knows the city. He is rather rigid on a good day.
So, we have spent the last week doing a lot of talking and a lot of looking for a house. I found a beautiful piece of property that brought tears to my eyes, but was more land and less house than we need and was on the upper limits of our spending.
I can get a goat and have chickens and see the stars and kill plants and my daughter can run free, climb trees and gather eggs. There are produce stands that sell real tomatoes. It’s possible to have a house and to have no neighbors in sight. PEACE, QUIET omigod. A life like I want me and my daughter to have. Without a mortgage, without having to look for work or deal with bitter cold. The commute to the area we are looking for is about an hour, which I’ve done before and I actually enjoy.
I do believe him realizing exactly how unhappy I have been with my life and the life I am giving my daughter has opened his eyes. When I describe how I want my life to be, he likes it. It sounds great to him. And he’s serious.
Well, like most things in life, you open the dam and water comes crashing through. I’m already packing, my best friend the realtor and I have a date to put our house on the market and it is March 1. (Ok, I’ll tell you, but don’t tell my husband, we are actually shooting for April 1 but figure if we tell him March 1, we’ll get April 1) I’ve thrown out 6 trashbags of stuff, have earmarked many things for donation, packed up boxes and have begun the purge.
We are moving to the country! If we stay under our budget, we can pay off our car and my daughters college fund and still have money in the bank. Wheee!
But mostly? My husband is willing to bend to help me be happier. He has seen a difference in the past week. Hope is a frightening thing, when you have the luxury of having it. I am so much happier just being able to dream. Knowing that the answer isn’t necessarily “no.” My life has changed to “I can’t.” into “We can.” and it makes all the difference. A week isn’t enough time to fix us, but both of us working on it daily sure feels like it is more than enough.
More than loving my husband, which I have never been able to stop doing, I like him again. I’m excited at what we can do together. I’m remembering what it feels like to be protected by him and I like it.
For those that remember, I miss my friend I had the affair with. We talk occasionally just to let each other know how we are doing. I am the lucky one. When I told him I loved my husband, I meant it. When he said he loved his wife, I don’t think he did or does. I wish him very well and he doesn’t have the pull he used to. He isn’t my kryptonite. He is my friend.
Now, who wants a 4/2 2400 sq ft house in Tampa? Convenient to the airport, downtown, St. Pete, Clearwater, shopping with a community boat ramp? I’ll make you a deal. 
