And he’s new in town!
Oh god, let’s just all pretend anyone believes me when I say I’m a little more self-aware than that. 
I think this is the crux of it. In fact, this is pretty much how it starts - you have a casual conversation with a total stranger who is clearly willing to have a casual conversation with you. If the conversation goes well and the person appears to be interested in you, at a suitable point you can move to the traditional “would you like to get some coffee sometime” line.
People with earbuds in, people lying down on towels with their eyes closed, people working - unless you have a specific reason to start up a conversation (e.g. “Hey, sorry to disturb you but there’s a herd of flesh-eating crabs headed this way, so you might want to move your towel”), don’t bother them.
Nope
Very Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope
Nope. Naah, just kidding, this is the only one I think is sort of OK (as long as “hanging out” doesn’t include reading or listening to earphones or the like.
Are bars and nightclubs not on your radar, for whatever reason?
Jesus, people actually do this?
You must be 18 to enter.
Well, school, then…
Exactly this. I think some men don’t realize how essential safety is to a woman. If you can get to know a woman over the course of a few weeks, or at the very least, over several hours in a day, a woman is more likely to respond well to your advances. (Well, let me rephrase: if you can demonstrate that you’re not a creep over those few hours, she’ll be more likely to respond well.)
If I’m clear on your intent, you are specifically looking for sexual partners, and soon. Is that right? If so, that is going to be intrinsically skeevy to all those who don’t have the same intent.
But in the end, “Creepy” is more a function of not “taking the hint” when the other is trying to politely indicate a lack of shared intent. “Creepy” is when they have to be rude to get rid of you,or worse. So I’d say you’d be better served with answers to “What do you do to signal lack of interest” than by the question you are asking.
The earbud comment above is an example.
As long as you can take No for an answer without being a jerk about it, you can hit on anyone whenever you like. If you can’t, then you can’t, ever.
And on the other hand, not every attempt at a pick-up is unconscionable harassment. There is such a thing as coming on too strong. There is also such a thing as missing opportunities because you are too worried.
“Faint heart never won fair lady”. And this is not the same as being a jerk.
Regards,
Shodan
That one time, at least. I think this is one of those imponderables. If I figure this out, I’ll unlock the secrets of the universe, or something. Why would you not take the paper towel in that situation? And I was feeling so pleased at the outset, too. I don’t usually carry paper towels, but that day I happened to. I was like, “I’ll fix this!” But, nope. And then she sniffed all the way from London to Brighton. She didn’t rebuff me harshly, or anything. It was all perfectly polite. Some kind of cultural thing?
sniff
sniff
GAHH!!
I did once, too. No, wait, I’m getting this mixed up. I mean murdered. Actually, it was murder-suicide.
It was a mess. They had to divert the plane, and everything.
I’ve been thinking about this, and I think it really isn’t the question. Some people strike up conversations with strangers all the time. My dad does it. I talked about this, too, in another thread. The time I worked at a call center, and I developed this transient superpower that allowed me, for a time, to talk to strangers, and it was pretty much fine. Talking to strangers isn’t hitting on someone. Maybe you can pretend that you were doing one when you were really doing the other, to maintain plausible deniability. Sometimes it works. It has worked for me. Like that time, that for some reason stuck in my mind. when I was sort of idly, half-consciously, checking a girl out by the front door of my building. She noticed me standing there looking at her, and went “what”? And I said that I was just wondering if she was going inside or not. I was holding the door open. Seemed plausible enough. She said thanks. I got away with it. Skeeviness averted.
This really has to do with the intrinsic dangerousness of male sexuality. Yes, yes, I’m overcomplicating things. Stop chucking tomatoes, and stay with me for a second. If you’re a guy, you’re basically, by default, Bruce Banner / the Hulk. Right? Most of the time, you just look like Bruce Banner. You walk down the street, you’re Bruce Banner, It’s fine. You can talk to a person, you’re Bruce Banner, not necessarily a problem. But when you reveal yourself as having an sexual side, if you’re a guy, it’s like hulking out. See? And if you direct this at someone, you’re now very large, and green, as far as they are concerned. Even if it’s just making lots of sexual jokes. There’s no way around that. It’s very, very easy to creepy and skeevy. And this is why.
Now, being the Hulk isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But you have two choices now. You can be in a monster movie, or you can be in the Avengers. There isn’t really a third option.
So, OP, when you hit on someone, consider this: Are you in a monster movie? Or are you in the Avengers?
I had this thing with my neighbor recently. I went a bit batshit about it. And this is what is bugging me. Up until recently, I was Bruce Banner, but suddenly, I’m the Hulk. Maybe it wasn’t even entirely my fault, but now I’m stuck with it. And currently, I’m not in the Avengers. I’m not really up for any superheroics. I look like I crawled out of a swamp. Now I have to ignore her a lot, probably for months, before she gets used to this new reality of having a large, green dude living next door.
Does this make sense?
And the **OP **asked about how it’s different for women. Well, I think it probably is. Women are Tinker Bell, right? Not the Hulk. I think this is part of why I have certain issues. It would be so nice to be Tinker Bell. I could flutter about. I kind of fantasize about it. I think I would have knack for it. I could wear a tutu. But I’m a guy, so large and green it is.
[Voice of the late lamented Diogenes the Cynic]
There is no way – utterly NO EARTHLY WAY – that you (meaning any male in general) can take even the slightest notice of any female without her instantly assuming the worst right off the bat, that you are harboring at the very least some latent fantasy of proceeding to engage in an intimate sexual relationship. Note, though, that this alone doesn’t necessarily brand you as a skeevy perv.
So, OP asks, under what circumstances if ever is this acceptable.
This and ONLY this circumstance: If, upon that very first encounter, she feels somewhat attracted to you. In that case, at least, you won’t immediately be seen as a skeevy perv. (Not immediately, but that could change.)
In other words, YOU (generic you-all-males) are by default skeevy pervs whenever you take the slightest notice of any female who doesn’t see you as attractive.
[/Voice of the late lamented Diogenes the Cynic]
Well, you can repeat what we say in a very silly voice. That’s fine for, say, presidential debates. Some legitimate criticism, though? I’d love to be schooled on this.
I guess what I mean is: With large aubergines comes great responsibility. At least be showered and employed.
An easy way to look at the situation is to reverse the situation. Imagine that you’re in the woman’s position, and that in what was your spot is a big burly gay man who is about a foot taller and fifty muscle pounds heavier than you. He’s absolutely not someone you’re attracted to, even if you’re into guys at all. Also pretend that if he keeps bugging you it’s not like you can call the cops, they’re just going to tell you to man up and handle it yourself. Now imagine him saying and doing whatever you’re doing, including things like blocking exits.
A lot of guys who think nothing of backing a woman into a corner and making their pass would freak the fuck out if a man was doing the same thing to them.
Yes. *Some *cultures think expelling mucilaginous bodily fluids in public and then keeping your viscid nose-shit in your pocket in the flimsiest of paper, or worse, tossing your germ-laden plague-rags into open bins, willy-nilly, is pretty gross. The nerve of them.
Hahaha that’s a spot-on impression.
I do miss him.
[QUOTE=Shodan]
As long as you can take No for an answer without being a jerk about it, you can hit on anyone whenever you like. If you can’t, then you can’t, ever.
And on the other hand, not every attempt at a pick-up is unconscionable harassment. There is such a thing as coming on too strong. There is also such a thing as missing opportunities because you are too worried.
[/QUOTE]
This. Some people are really uptight about this stuff, some aren’t. Just keep in mind that the response will vary, pay attention to the response you’re getting, and you’ll be fine.