If a stranger proposes to get together with me in the future for a meal/drink/coffee after we have enjoyed a conversation, am I supposed to assume that it would be a date? How can I clarify that I’m not interested in dating someone without being rude, awkward, or presumptuous?
If you presently have a girlfriend and do not wish to cheat on her try to work that into the conversation some place. If no girlfriend but no sexual attraction either I can see where it could get awkward. I have in the past just lied and said I did have a girlfriend so as not to hurt any feelings.
I don’t know how to phrase an allusion to my SO and add on the part where I won’t be cheating on him without it sounding really odd.
It’s probably an invitation for a date. I would recommend declining. If you really want to accept (you like the person and want to be friends), then perhaps you could suggest a couples’ outing (“we should all get together – my boyfriend knows this great Japanese place on X and Y street”), or something like that.
Speak up!
“I’m not really looking to date, but if you’re interested in being friends we could do something together. Think about it and let me know!”
The other will not wither, and honesty is always appreciated, sooner rather than later!
Your problem solves itself.
You probably will have mentioned an SO if you have one. Nowadays people must do that, as wedding rings are no longer reliable sources of info. A better way to announce you’re taken is to whip out your phone mid-conversation and say: “Oh! Sorry, but I just remembered that I have to tekst my SO to make an appointment with the vet for our dog”. Let me just text him…okay, now where were we?".
If the other person then makes a vague proposal after the conversation: “we must get together sometimes”, that is is just a genial remark and can be answered with an equally non-committant “Ýes, lets !” if you’re not that keen. Or a “Yeah, I’d really like to talk more about X and we should talk about if we can get to gether to do Y”, if you’re more keen.
If the other party is also interested in a follow-up, he or she will propose a date and venue. If that date and place seems to be non-romantic enough, then just say “I’ll have to check with my boyfriend/girlfriend and get back to you” and everyone’s face will be saved and you might even have a pleasant date with someone who could be a friend or work contact.
If the setting, place and time looks too much like a dinner date, and the objective of the evening, when asked, seems to amount to “I want to get know you better” then it might be better to say something like: "Oh, forgive me if I’m presumptious, but if this is a date-date I should have let you know that I’m seeing someone. I’m sorry, I should have made that more clear. I’m really flattered though. So maybe I’ll just see you back at the club /the office then? "
Well, now it’s looking more datish, even though I know I mentioned my SO more than once. I should have known better than to think otherwise was possible.
Madness! Acknowledging to the other party that you might think that they would do something so bizarre as to ask you on a date, if that was not the case, will lead to horrific and eternal EMBARRASSMENT AND AWKWARDNESS for all parties.
Thus, one must always hedge one’s bets, and maintain plausible deniability at all times.
Because of this, I have on occasion dated people for months without even realizing that we were dating, until I found my boy-parts inside their girl-parts.
While a reference to an SO might dissuade someone interested in becoming a boyfriend it will have no influence at all on a player; a player is quite willing to have sex with someone who already has a boyfriend.
Well, I was looking for a way to tell without asking so as to avoid that potentially fatal awkward situation.
Oh no, I hope I’m not already accidentally dating him. It took me years to get out of it the last time this happened.
Maybe hand him a prenup, ask him to have his attorneys look it over and return it signed.
Keep in mind that sometimes people say things like “We should catch up sometime” just out of courtesy and friendliness. I certainly do sometimes, even if I’m not really looking forwards to spending time with the person (as a date or as a friend).
I think it might be best to just speak up and let them know that you’re not interested in a romantic relationship, instead of letting the matter be in limbo.
Now, Martian, what were you doing with their pants? 
Arrange to meet for a lunch or a cup of coffee on a work day. You each provide your own transportation and you’ll have the perfect excuse to end it no matter how it goes; you have to return to work.
You really don’t need to analyze it too much; 95% of the time you can assume if it’s a guy wanting to meet up with a girl that it:
A) is a date, and
B) he’d be happy jumping into bed right away, and
C) he’d prefer to walk away the next day… unless you turn out to be Reeeeeally amazing in some other way.
The only reason most guys won’t come right out and say all that is that it’s off-putting to most women. The polite line-blurring of typical conversation is just men trying to say what they think women want to hear. Really, most men won’t want to just be friendly or hang out with a woman for company; there are so many other things to do with one’s time. So it’s almost always safe to assume that if a guy asks you out (no matter how civily or casually) that he wants you out back.
It only gets complicated when a woman asks a man out… then it actually could be just to hang out. I’d say you don’t need to worry about that possibility.
You are probably right, but it’s depressing.
Never understood part C. Seriously, 95% of guys would like to get out of bed with someone they just had sex with and never see her again?
a) WTF?
b) Behavior like that from other guys has made being male ridiculously complicated for me
c) Especially combined with the really aggressive attempts to make sex happen in the first place. Hey listen, what if you didn’t walk away the next day. Decent chance the two of you would end up having sex again.
Find a way to meantion your boyfriend in the conversation weather or not he exist.That usually does the trick
No, it is only the 5% or so of the male population who are players. When your goal is to maximize the number of women you have slept with, there are no points for sleeping with the same woman again. The rest of the male population is of the view that it is a lot easier to talk a woman you have already had sex with into sleeping with you again than to seduce someone new.
There’s also some pressure felt by a guy if he spends more than a night or two to move toward some variant of exclusivity, which is sometimes not desirable…
I don’t understand that, either.
I have no inclination to dash out the door the morning after nor any inclination to think the only alternative involves exchanging promises of exclusivity. I mean, talk about your Phallacy of the Excluded Middle… 