No, not THAT question! The “Would you like to go on a date?” question.
Over the last few months I’ve made a bunch of great friends, including some smart, beautiful, and single women. I consider myself pretty good friends with them, and I really would like to ask one of them out on a date. I’m uncertain though, because I’m afraid it could change the tone of the friendship, if it turns out she isn’t interested.
I mean, I wouldn’t be absolutely crushed if she didn’t want to go out with me, but I also don’t want her to act differently towards me now that she knows I have some sort of romantic interest in her…
Maybe I’m just seriously overthinking this, but I’m kind of paralyzed by uncertainty here, help me out!
Also, are there any sort of common social cues that might indicate mutual interest? My life so far has been basically relationship-less, and I get the feeling I seriously suck at reading other people, especially the opposite sex. I definitely feel safer thinking I’ve missed some sort of cue rather than read something into their actions that isn’t there.
Since it’s IMHO – stop thinking, and ask. If she shoots you down, it’s still better than wafflin’ and wishin’ and screwin’ around and regretting later.
Go halfway: invite her to go somewhere with you, without specifying that it’s a date. If she wants to treat it as a date, she will; if she just wants it to be an outing between two friends, she’ll leave it at that.
Dunawake, I understand the situation. If she’s not interested, you don’t want her to think she has to avoid you. Cause I’ve been there – come on too strong and she will avoid you. If she weren’t a friend, it would be okay if she decided to avoid you, but she is.
While I am normally a strong advocate of just putting yourself out there, in this case I think its okay to hedge your bets a little bit. I suggest picking an activity that you both enjoy and ask if she’d like to join you on X particular day (but don’t use the word date). If she’s interested, she’ll either say yes, or ‘I busy X but how about Y’, or (with enthusiasm) ‘I’m busy but I’d love to do that another time’. If she says ‘I’m busy’-period, then that means she’s not interested, and then she’ll pretend that the invitation was plautonic.
Yup. I agree. “Hey, I have been wanting to go see the film Amazon Women on Mars and was wondering if you’d be into going with me Friday?” If she says, ok, see if she dresses up and lets you pay.
I am going to have to disagree with nearly everyone in this thread with the exception of Rube and lobster. Do not ask her out under vague pretenses. Make sure she knows that you want to go do something (it’d be best if you had a specific thing in mind) with her and what your intent is (i. e. a date). Use the word date, if you do indeed want to date her. To do otherwise will muddle your mind and the situation.
Also, it depends on the chemistry between you and the lady in question, but to avoid getting to the place you are now always make sure that the girl knows that you attracted to her. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends, but small things like flirting and certain types of contact will make it clear that there is that interest level. If it is reciprocated (or even initiated) by her, you won’t find yourself stumbling in the dark near as much.
I think your lack of relationships with the fairer sex is hurting your perspective on this issue. My advice is to let this one go, practice talking/flirting with your female friends (but don’t rule out anything that may come up); and with the next girl that catches you’re eye make it clear from the get-go in what way you are interested in her.
If you do decide to ask her out (be clear!), that doesn’t mean the friendship is doomed; provided you both handle it maturely. You will hurt your friendship more if you let these types of feelings linger. People can pick up on stuff like that.
I’d ask her. Start with lunch or coffee (or whatever). Make it non-threatening, keep the ball in her court, but don’t wait another day to do it. If it works from there, THEN do the movie thing. Let it all develop from that, and if it’s gonna get to the level you’d like it to, it will do so organically.
Free tips, me to you;
Don’t talk about your exes (which, no offense, doesn’t really seem to be a problem)
Talk well of your mother if the situation should arise, but don’t bring her up unless it’s in context.
Pay. Even if she resists, tell her it’s a gentlemans option to treat a lady, even to a (whatever you order).
If it goes beyond that, good on you, and don’t forget to keep us filled in.
I consider myself pretty good friends with them, and I really would like to ask one of them out on a date. I’m uncertain though, because I’m afraid it could change the tone of the friendship, if it turns out she isn’t interested.
