There’s this girl I like… I’ve known her since grade 5 (I’m in grade 9), and I want to ask her out. I’m afraid if she says no it’ll hurt the friendship. What should I do?
Go for it, man. It comes down to cost-benefit-- the happiness of yes is always better than the pain of no is bad.
Personal experience: When I became interested in my current girlfriend, I came to the Board to ask if I should ask her. I got a resounding yes… and now I’m coming up ona 4 month anniversary.
Asking girls out doesn’t always get them. But NOT asking girls out almost never does.
–John
Build a rapport with her. Have friendly conversations. Be relaxed. Just be respectful and spend quality time with her. In other words, be her friend and build a friendship. If anything is meant to blossom, it will.
My $0.02, take with a grain of salt…
~Pix~
better to love and lost than to never loved at all.
Love is like a Pencil, to make your make, you’ve got to get the lead out.
Yes.
And some more yes.
A couple of affirmatives.
And my personal vote for yes.
It could hurt. It could even make the friendship really awkward. But if you are interested in her its going to get awkward if you don’t ask her out. The friendship is changing, it has a chance to get closer. Take it and run.
I always hate that “better to have loved and lost…” comment. Loneliness isn’t a picnic either.
My .02? Be careful, feel her out (Figuratively!!!) If she seems receptive, go for it. This is always touchy, but if you don’t make the move, you might never know.
Is there a “halfway” kind of thing you can do? Instead of “asking her out on a date,” could you invite her to a party or something? Then, you can see if she spends the evening paying attention to you or spends the whole party making googly eyes at some other guy.
But I agree, in any case, that you should definitely go for it. To quote John: “Asking girls out doesn’t always get them. But NOT asking girls out almost never does.”
Another yes over here.
Within the last year two of my friends told me they were interested. I was honest and told them I was not, and have now become much better friends with both of them.
So even if her answer isn’t initially favourable, give it time… you may be surprised.
Ugh…another hater of “it’s better to have loved and lost…” I think it’s perfectly miserable to love someone only to lose them. Then you wonder about that person throughout your entire life.
Maybe it’s just me. But then again, at the current time I hate almost all men, so just ignore me.
This bit of dialogue by Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in MIB sums up my position exactly. (you really should see it to appreciate it)
WS: “Hey man, you know it’s better to have loved and lost love than to have never loved at all”
TLJ: “try it.”
Trust me, it is not better.
Let’s see, I’ve loved and
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
lost
WON!
I would advise asking her. With stats like mine, I’d advise asking TREES.
Ender,
Yes, Yes, Yes!
I had a friend I knew since I was in 4th grade. We lived about a mile apart. We did things together. We played together. I taught her how to play the clarinet, while she taught me how to play the flute. We were in band together. Had many of the same classes together. We double dated together. We were great friends. We loved each other. Only we never realized it until we graduated. Her family moved back to England two weeks after graduation. I took her out for a last time before she was to leave. The kiss she gave me that night made me realize what we had been feeling for years, but hadn’t let ourselves understand.
I went home that night knowing that what I had been looking for had been beside me all of those years. I never got the chance to follow through because of the distances involved.
I love my wife dearly. But, hardly a day goes by that I don’t think of dear Jane. It’s been 25 years and I still think “What if?” What if I had asked her out sooner? What if her parents hadn’t moved? What if I hadn’t been so blind?
I miss her so.
Don’t make the same mistake. The worst that can happen is that she isn’t interested. Then, if you aren’t obnoxious about it, you still have a friend.
Ask her
When you get older (43yr old speaking) you end up regreting more the things you didn’t do as opposed to the things you did.
I don’t regret sleeping with a friends wife, I do regret not asking her on a date before he did. Timing.
Go for it.
DO it. I wasted all of my high school career pining after a girl. I regret that so much. I wish I had those years back. I let many, many other girls go because of this ONE. I realize now how stupid that was.
Fuck it.
ASK HER OUT. Don’t waste your life pining.
–Tim
Already friends? You’re halfway there.
Mr. Scarlett and I never went on a “date” per se – with him picking me up for dinner and a movie. We were co-workers and would often continue our workplace conversations at happy hour, or over at my house (he had a 40-mile commute). Once he gave me a ride home to my parents’ house 25 miles away (I was still in college). Our first kiss was on a day when we went swimming together.
After that we did more “datelike” things, but mostly it was just hanging out together. We might go to “dinner and a movie” or some such thing, but more likely than not it was after spending the day with each other – working on his house or hitting the malls. When we had been together about a month, my roommate remarked that we seemed like an old married couple.
I’m with Pixie. See what happens!
I say,
go for it and good luck.:)
((Posting this comment so much I might as well add it to my sig:))
“The hesitator’s the masterbator, buddy”
punk snot dead,
broccoli!
OK, so everyone thinks it’s a great idea when it’s someone else! I think it’s often not a bad idea, but I have some reservations about exposing these kinds of feelings without a little research, surely she’s giving of some kind of sign?
I have been in the same situation as you are now friend, and I didn’t go through with asking her. I did however, go around the subject as skilfully as I could for weeks and months, and found out that I pretty much didn’t stand a chance. I decided asking would only be akward.
The thing is that the girl lost her virginity to one of her best friends and it really messed things up between them. Since I was then her best (male) friend, I assumed she would not want to take that risk again. I even asked her about the time when she said she loved me, which was just after we had met for the first time. I knew she’s a big kidder and often not very sensitive about it when it comes to strangers.
Her answer?: “I don’t remember that… I was probably just goofing of man, you know me!”
We are still great friends and I wouldn’t want to have to stop talking to her just because a “serious” relationship got messed up.
I DO however think about it a lot, and it DOES bug me a lot, and I AM miserable a lot, so I guess I wouldn’t be right to tell you NOT to ask her out. I would however advise you to go around the subject a little bit and see if you can’t discern some kind of information about the possibility of you hooking up.
If there’s any indication of a yes: GO FOR IT MAN! Don’t end up like the rest of us bums ! 
Oh, one more thing. Is this a crush or a serious “I can’t stop thinking about her smile” thing? The latter was true in my case, which sort of impacted my decision. I never wanted to lose having her around, even if it ment being just friends.
Perhaps, one day, we’ll hook up. Perhaps I’ll just die alone and miserable crying in to a glass of paint remover. Ya never know
- G. Raven
YES.
Speaking as a female who is interested in a male who is also interested in her but is scared to do more than tiptoe around the subject…ahem We’re friends already, it’s not like he DOESN’T KNOW ME…whacks self
Go for it.
Eleven years ago, I was in the same situation- except I was posing the question on a local BBS rather than on the SDMB. Everyone told me “Yes, of course, go for it, yes yes yes,” but I still couldn’t get the courage up. Another opportunity lost.
But I’ve got to agree with Peculiar Pixie here-- just hang out with her. Be her friend. Do stuff together, without any of that “date” baggage. Go out to a movie together just as friends rather than a potential boyfriend-girlfriends. It’s what I’ve done for years, and I’ve been angst-filled occasionally, but usually just generally happy.
And every now and then, something blossoms and everything is fine and good. (Maybe it’s just me- but I can’t see how people are able to date people they don’t know. I’d much rather just hang out on a couch and watch a movie than go out to a fancy restaurant and have that verbal tip-toe while we hesitantly get to know each other.) Happily, I’m in a great relationship now, and it’s one that just came about after a very general, relaxed, laid-back ‘courtship’. (Now the romance…)