How do I ask out a girl?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

OK, so after having two days of classes, I have determined there are a number of cute girls in them. One girl in particular I am thinking about asking out…if I only knew how.

On the first day of class (yesterday,) we formed into groups of five with the people we were sitting with (I sat next to her, by coincidence it was the only seat left.) We went around and said our names, what experience, if any, we have had in the biomedical field, and all that whatnot. It seemed to me (I might be over analyzing this) that she was making eye contact with me a lot more than anyone else…OK, no biggie there. But after class, we ended up walking back across campus to her dorm talking about this and that, and it looks like we’ll end up doing that a lot, since I go in that direction, and it’s our last class of the day. I think she is very cute, intelligent, and seems so far to have a good personality. How do I let her know I am interested in her/want to date? I have never dated before, and have actually really only asked out a girl on a date two, maybe three times…and one of those times was while I was already involved with a girl, so it was really an assured date, and the other two were with girls I had already known for a long time and I just asked if they wanted to go see a movie.

That won’t really work with this girl, if for no other reason than a movie is a bad first date choice, because it does not allow for a lot of talking. Any advice on how to approach this would be helpful. Also, is there any good way to find out if she already has a BF? Or do I just have to ask and try not to feel like a fool when she says she has one?

As a fail safe, I have determined that there is at least one thing I can ask her to, and that is my fraternity’s formal, but that is all the way at the end of October, and I wdon’t want to wait that long, someone else might snatch her up.

2

If there’s a Student Union or something similar nearby you can ask if she wants to get a cup of coffee/soda pop/etc.

I’m no Don Juan but I think you’ll be less intimidated and have a better chance at success if you don’t make the first thing you ask her the “big date.”

You don’t need confidence, you just have to have courage!

3

I think a fairly safe thing to ask her would be “Why don’t we go to lunch together sometime?” She’d probably be glad to accompany you. And if it does turn out she has a boyfriend, going to lunch together doesn’t really count as an actual date.

4

It doesn’t matter what you ask her to do, really. The important thing is that you ask her to do something, asap. Ask her if she wants to get coffee, go for a walk, go to a movie, go to a basketball game, anything. Make it clear that you’re flexible about the event but that you’d like to do something with her. She’ll understand what you’re really asking, and answer accordingly. It sounds like she likes you, and thus dating can commence.

The important thing is that you let her know you’re interested in her and would like to date her before she starts dating someone else or mentally places you in the dreaded Friend Zone. Good luck!

5

The next time you’re walking with her after class, just say something like, “You seem like a really cool girl!” Or “You seem like a lot of fun! Would you like to hang out/grab some dinner/whatever on Saturday/Wednesday/whatever night?”

Or if there’s a handy coffeeshop in the vicinity, invite her to go for a cup. Or ask her if she’s hungry and wants to grab a bite.

The trick is to make it casual; that way she can either say, “Oh thanks, that would be great!” Or “That sounds like fun, but I’ve got a boyfriend.”

And if she says she has a boyfriend, it’s no big deal b/c you didn’t make a big deal out of asking her out. See the logic here?

If she gives you a noncommital answer, such as “We should do that sometime,” or “I’m busy on Wednesday but maybe we can catch up some other time,” realize that she just may not be interested in you that way, and she’s trying to let you off the hook. If this is her response, again, play it graciously, and don’t make a big deal out of it.

The biggest ego-saver when asking a girl out is NOT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT. That way it sounds like a friendly, casual invitation, and she’s both more comfortable agreeing to it, and more comfortable not agreeing to it if she doesn’t want to…but either way, you haven’t made her uncomfortable. And you won’t have embarrassed yourself by saying something awful like, “Hey, I really like you, do you have a boyfriend?”

Bad idea. Trust me.

And one more piece of advice: always move on a girl you like within two or three encounters with her…if you wait any longer than that, you move into the dangerous “friend” territory and she may never date you.

If she doesn’t want to go out with you after you’ve asked her to, and you did it correctly, you can still hang out with her.

6

I want to disssent a bit here. ALthough I think lunch is indeed safe (less intimidating) I want to recommend that you in fact ask her out on a date, straight out…“I was hoping I could take you to dinner some night, maybe this weekend.” or something like that. Don’t worry about if she has a boyfriend or isn’t interested, if she isn’t s shrew then she will simply turn you down politely. There is no need to think you are being foolish.

7

And now I realize that while I was typing, other people were posting the same advice. :smiley: It’s unanimous!

8

No biggie, sounds like you are in fine shape to pop the question. I would ask what her interests are (she’ll say something like biking, movies, amusement parks, music, etc etc), then we should

“Go” for a ride, or
“Catch a flick”, or
“Check out”, some bands or probably you get the point by now. :smiley:

As Audrey mentioned the point is to be blasé about it.

If you get a non committal answer, you’re doomed, call off the airstrike and look for another target. If she has a boyfriend you could always befriend her then work the situation from the inside, but that’s usually not worth it.

good luck!

9

Alternatively, you could just whip out your wanger and wave it at her.

The message will be unmistakable.

10

You try that and let us know how well it works.

11

:eek: I totally read “Wagner” instead of “wanger” there.

[sub]I call him my Rune-Spear. Wanta go make some thunder?[/sub]

12

Sure thing – bouv, where do you go to school? :smiley:

13

Yeah, I think the most important thing is that you come back and report to us how it all worked out. No matter what she says … WE WIN!

14

A somewhat useful tactic is… hopefully you have some common social interests… steer the conversation to that movie that just opened that has that actor she likes in it, or that cool band that is coming to town soon. If you can find out that she wants to/intends to go to that event, then you can do the “me too… we should head down together” line. It’s a bit easier to do than a “cold call”.
As for getting into “the dreaded friend territory”, although that can cause trouble, it isn’t always the end of any hopes of romance or whathaveyou. I have ended up dating and/or having the occasional evenings of wet and wild fun with “friends”.
From the sound of it, she probably won’t be suprised if you ask her out (ladies aren’t the oblivous ethereal creatures they appear to be to us mortals).
As has been stated here before, just be casual and remember that even if you are shot down there’s plenty of time and plenty of women.

15

Well, I’m living proof that you can move from “friend” territory into “boyfriend/girlfriend” territory. It just happened to me. (see my currently active MPSIMS thread). To expand on my situation slightly from what I said there: I met this girl through her older brother (he’s 4 years older then I, she’s 2.5 years younger then I). For several years, it was a friends relationship. I always wondered if it could it go farther then that, but the unwritten rule (don’t date your buddy’s sister) kept me from going any farther then that. Well, eventually as things worked out, I got to see her a couple of weeks ago when she made a trip up to my neck of the woods, we spent a few days together, and now we’re “an item” to use my mother’s lingo. Her brother’s cool with it (in fact, he thinks it’s great).

But obviously, the friends first method can take a long time to move to the next level. It took me just over 4 years. I’m not saying it can’t happen faster, but if you don’t think you have that kind of patience, you’ll be well-served by the advice already posted by others. And hey, even if you do get turned down, you can still probably be friends (and leave the friends to lovers door open) as long as you’re cool about it. No matter how she reacts, act like it’s exactly like you expected to hear. Accepts your offer? Great. Boyfriend? No problemo, just wanted to have lunch. Maybe some other time? Fair enough, I’ll see you after class tomorrow. Your poker face may come in handy here.

Of course, YMMV.

16

I dunno, but you’ll be sure and let me know once you figure it out, won’t you?

17

OK, the next time I see her is Thursday…I will attempt to try to maybe ask her something there (notice all the non-definitives there?) The problem is that i am very shy, not very self-confidant, and very indecisive, so the chances of me asctually asking her anything is about 5%, but I’ll let you know what happens.

18

Whatever you do, don’t believe anyone who says the worst she can do is say no. I bought that line once at a bar and asked a girl to dance. She looked at me horrified for a few seconds, screamed, threw her drink in my face and ran.

I just stood there muttering, “The worst she can do is say no”, over and over again.

:smack:
Ok, it didn’t really happen, but it makes a good story. :slight_smile:

19

hey Bouv, if you’re over analysing the eye contact thing, i think we must all be doing it by the sound of things. i know i think something of it, and there’s a guy at work who used to make eye contact with me so much more than with ne1 else (other suggestive things too though)… unfortunately i was too shy to do nething, and probably sent him the wrong messages - my advice: act on impulse, say something casually, don’t just let it pass, coz you’ll regret it. (i do)

20

So you’ve tried this subtle approach then?:eek: