I want to ask a girl out. I haven’t known her for very long, but she is nice, sweet, and pretty. What can I say to ask her out? I’m afraid of the rejection I might get. What do you guys think?
you’re asking a bunch of people who sit in front of their computers all day?
djf, that’s not true.
I sleep part of the day. Alone, of course.
“I’m afraid of the rejection I might get.”
Don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. I wish I knew the answer to your question. I suppose that you could be friendly with her and just talk to her for awhile. After you get to know her, it would probably be easier. Also, start small. Ask her out to a movie or for a hamburger and work up to the “good” stuff.
You don’t say how old you are, but I would guess you to be still in your teens. If that is the case, don’t rush it. To coin a phrase, “good things come to those that wait.”
My twin daughters went all through high school without even having a boyfriend. One of them was even convinced that she was going to be an old maid. Just before graduation, they went to the prom. Now, one of them is engaged. The other one has a steady boyfriend.
Patience is the key.
Good luck
P.S. If you know of an “older woman” that might be interested in an old fogey, let me know. :D:D
You need to adopt something of a statistical mentality to asking people out. If you are going to live or die by each dating inquiry and potential rejection you paralyze yourself. Assume that the chances are better than even she will say no because… what?.. Choose one
She finds you repulsive
She’s dating a biker in rehab and “he really needs her”
She’s playing for the other team
Her husband wouldn’t approve
She got “issues” and her issues have got issues
She’s afraid you wouldn’t understand the needs of a “she-male”
She’s waiting for Prince Andrew to see the light
Choose a fun, non-threatening and interesting activity for you both to do and make your pitch. What have you got to lose other the opportunity to send another night alone?
If you don’t develop a little bit of rhinocerous hide on your ego you’re going to have a lonely lfe.
play hard to get-don’t talk to her, look at her, or acknowledge her in any way-don’t even go near her or let her see you anywhere-it drives them nuts-i’ve got about 20 women i’m doing this to right now and i know they are all going crazy trying to get through to me-but all they get is a busy signal (i didn’t even give them my email address)
Dear Penthouse…
I’m certainly one of those sitting-in-front-of-the-computer types, but let me tell you about my friend Bob. I admire Bob for a lot of reasons, one of them being his fearless approach to asking for dates.
He takes the “what have I got to lose?” approach. The worst the girl can say is “No.” There are boyfriends, life-timing, work, school, or other involvements that could make her decline and have nothing to do with him personally.
If she says No, you don’t go out. If you don’t ask, you don’t go out. It’s the same result either way. Don’t think about what would happen if you did ask; think about what you might miss if you don’t.
Also, don’t ask her on a D-A-T-E. You have some mutual event in common? Ask her to go with you afterward for ice cream, coffee, lunch. Whatever. But if it’s a shorter event, it will take the pressure off. It’s hard for most people to be smart, witty and fun in the first pressure- filled movie+dinner time frame. Work up to it.
Hmmmm…what’s the expression? …Those that can’t teach? At any rate, best of luck and go ask her!
I would say don’t get hung up on her saying yes or no.
Say more about the social situation. Is she an aquaintance of a friend? If so, you can send “feelers” to see if she may share interest.
Or is she from a different social circle? Higher or just different. If so, just make small talk for awhile till she is comfortable with you. Don’t wait too long lest you just become “buddies.” Being buddies with a girl is not bad, she could even point you to other girls. I’ve been there and its cool. But you do not get the one prize, the beautiful girl you have the most hots for.
A friendly comment or just a reaction to a comment can break the ice. See what she likes. If you have a
What
On the side, the most fun I had was in my senior year when a buddy of mine dated a girl in Sugarland, Tx., and we lived about 15 miles away in SW Houston. He would round up all us guys to meet her, she would bring her friends too.
We sneaked beer outside and into her back yard.
Astro - I like your examples better. You’re fast too. I need to compose faster.
Other dating advice source. Have you seen The Tao of Steve? Small movie…great film…recently out. It’s about a guy and his approach to dating.
How about just staring at her for a second, rub your fingers on your chin, pretend you’re thinking really hard, and just say… “You know, I feel like asking you out… Hmmm… How’s about I buy you a cup of coffee at Starbucks tomorrow noon?”
Playing it straight does wonders ;). With all the anxiety between opposite sexes, lots of people will find it relaxing that they don’t have to act up in front of you anymore once you break the ice.
Oh, and don’t be afraid to try again after a week or two if you’re rejected. Sometimes the ice is thicker than what either of you will realize 
There’s been a lot of good advice tendered so far, however I have an issue (not really a disagreement – cause opinions can go either way here) with desdemona’s otherwise excellent post.
I’m of the school of thought that you absolutely, positively need to ask her out on nothing short of a D-A-T-E. No wishy-washy half measures that can be misinterpretted by you (and her) down the line.
If she’s attracted to you in “that way,” she’s going to say yes; if not, she’s going to say no. But, if she consents to a not-quite date, you still won’t know if she likes you or she likes you.
Of course desdemona is right that you should pick a mutually enjoyable, convenient and easy activity. Loose, short and informal – like Zor’s coffee idea – is great. Just set the ground rules early: make sure she knows you’re asking her for a date, not just an opportunity to share a cup of joe with her.
Eraser: how old are you, dammit? That will make this easier for us to help you.
stuyguy: I understand your issue. It’s also good advice from the other side of the coin, as it were.
Don’t get me wrong though, I understand there should be some indicator that Eraser’s interest is more than merely buddies hanging-out. That’s when Eraser will write back about How to Attempt the First Kiss. Boy, that one will be teeming with replies. There’s just something about attaching the word “DATE” to an early encounter that makes me, personally, uncomfortable. It seems so relationship-driven, when it’s really just an introductory outing.
if you’ve really got the heebie-jeebies, do it by phone. That way, you can pace around, and fidget with something, and blush bright enough to light up the room, and it shouldn’t bother you, because she can’t see you!. Honestly, the first time, it’s hard enough for most guys to blurt out the words, let alone looking suave and debonaire. (Damn Cary Grant! he set the bar way too high!)
It has the added bonus that if she says “no,” it’s fairly easy and painless to end the conversation politely.
Oh, and make it something definite, not “would you like to go out sometime?” Offer her a definite activity, with a definite time - it avoids that word “DATE.” She may not like an open-ended invitation, but would go for a particular event.
Took me a while to figure all these things out, but once it all came together for me, it worked - the last person I asked for a first date is now my Beloved (8 years and counting).
Interesting thing about “rejection”. The older I get the less it seems to bother me. Now whether that is because I am older and care less what others think of me, or its simply that the more I get the easier it gets to take - I dunno.
Look at it this way : If in fact this girl rejects you, then she isn’t the one for you. Wouldn’t you rather know that without wasting months fawning over her ?
One other thing - with every “no” you get closer to the one who will eventually say “yes”. So either way consider it a good step.
I will close with one last piece of advice given to me by my best friend who was always very successful picking up women . . . you don’t actually have to be confident. If you simply act confident when you approach her (even if secretly your knees are knocking) you will have better results. A strange side effect of this : when you start acting confident it actually makes you more confident. Sounds odd - but I swear by it.
All of this is just my opinion . . . I could be wrong.
Good luck.
- NM
I read some of the best ‘asking for a date’ advice ever in a book by the incomparable Miss Manners. Be specific. Do not just say, (1) “Hey, wanna go out with me?” Instead say, (2) “Would you like to go to the movies with me on Saturday?” A “No” response to question number 2 is a good deal less traumatizing than a “No” response to question number 1. With number 2, you can console yourself with the thought that it is Saturday or the movies that she finds unacceptable. With number 1, the unacceptable thing is obviously you. Ouch.
Search the board, there are plenty of pickup lines here you can use.
How old is this girl? Or woman? We could give better info that way.
Just walk right up to her, look her straight in the eyes, and say, “Hey, baby, hows about you and me heading over to MPSIMS?”
Well, sometimes I get up from my computer and go read the funny pages.
I see in “For Better or Worse” that a cute guy has managed to pick up Elizabeth by sneaking into the laundromat and taking the last washing machine while she’s over buying detergent.
They’re having dinner at an Italian restaurant now; I’ll let you know next week if he “gets any.”