How do I date?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Okay, I admit it; in the world of dating, I am pathetic. I’ve never dated, ever. The one real relationship that I’ve had has been online.

As a result, since I now find myself newly single, I am at a total loss. The “sit around and wait for a guy to ask you out” routine seems to be something that’ll drive me crazy. Yet I’ve no idea of how to ask someone out.

So, without further description, here are my questions:

1.) How can a chick ask a guy out?
2.) Guys/not-straight girls, if a girl were to ask you out, and she wasn’t a knockout (though not ugly), would you say no?
3.) Opal, will you go out with me? :smiley:
4.) Guys, would a girl asking you out freak you out?
5.) What are good things to do on a date?
6.) And how fast do relationships progess?

Sorry for all the questions, but I’m a total ditz.

2

I’m not all that experienced but I THINK I can answer a couple of your questions. This is my (a guy) point on your questions…

1.) How can a chick ask a guy out?
2.) I’m not the kind that would turn down girls just on their looks…so I would’nt say no until I talked to her first…
3.) Er…next!
4.) I think that that would so much easier for the guys if a girl came and asked you out…at least for me it would…if you have the courage, do it…:wink:
5.) Goin’ out to eat, movies, the usual first date crap…hehe
6.) Depends on how much you relate to the guy or how far you/your boyfriend want it to go…

Hope that helps…and I guess more experienced dopers would just shoot my answers down…but I’m stickin’ with mine… :smiley:

Reoch

3

You might ease into it. When talking with a guy, suggest getting a cup or coffee or a quick lunch. It’s not a date, but if you click you’ll know it. Find some mutual interests, then suggest something that maybe matches that.

4

1.) How can a chick ask a guy out?

She can’t go wrong. If the guy finds her appearance acceptable, she’s in. If not, she’d have to get the guy drunk first.

2.) Guys/not-straight girls, if a girl were to ask you out, and she wasn’t a knockout (though not ugly), would you say no?

Me, no. But some guys who are rich, powerful, or famous probably wouldn’t settle for an average-looking woman.

3.) Opal, will you go out with me?

I don’t get this one.

4.) Guys, would a girl asking you out freak you out?

Not at all.

5.) What are good things to do on a date?

Raunchy sex. From a male perspective. YMMV.

6.) And how fast do relationships progess?

This will be controlled by YOU, since you’re the female. If it were up to us guys, we would start with the sex immediately.
Now that you understand how men REALLY are you’ll know what you’re in for. Good luck!

5

1.) How can a chick ask a guy out?

If it’s someone you know, go up and say “Would you like to do activity X on Y date?”. Or phone, or IM. Otherwise, strike up a conversation, and when it feels right, say that same question. Don’t drop hints and rely on the guy to pick them up and ask you out. We’re notoriously dense and this method will only leave you frustrated.

2.) Guys/not-straight girls, if a girl were to ask you out, and she wasn’t a knockout (though not ugly), would you say no?

If she were someone I already knew, then probably–the women I know who would be comfortable asking me out are women I’d at least give a chance. Otherwise, yeah, I probably would, just to see what she’s like. Remember, what actually makes you attractive is between your ears. Physical attraction will help to get a conversation started, but after that it’s not entirely relevant.

And of course, guys are hornier than girls. Use this fact to your advantage. :smiley:

3.) Opal, will you go out with me? :smiley:

Response hazy–try again later.

4.) Guys, would a girl asking you out freak you out?

I’d wonder what the hell she was thinking, but no, not really.

5.) What are good things to do on a date?

Anything that you think sounds like fun for two people to do together. Some activities, like going to the movies, don’t afford you much opportunity to get to know each other (at least not in a way that you might want to get to know a relative stranger). Dinner is a good choice; minigolf is popular. Use your imagination and your knowledge of what’s available. As you discover more about what interests you share with somebody, you can adapt what you do.

6.) And how fast do relationships progess?

Ideally, at a speed comfortable to both participants. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t.

6

Here goes my attempt. I’ve never had a date either, though, so don’t take me too seriously.

1.) Friendly conversation, small talk. Talk about anything. If you sit next to the guy and he’s eating a sandwich, start talking about sandwiches, and let it randomly segue into other stuff from there. As soon as the conversation starts winding down, ask “So what are you up to tonight?”

2.) Are you kiddin’ me? If the Bearded Lady from the state fair asked me out I wouldn’t turn her down! :smiley:

Besides, “knockout” isn’t merely about looking like you’ve just stepped off the cover of Cosmo. It takes personality, and if you’re cool with how you look, there’s no way you’re going to look ugly to others.

3.) LOL! But my name’s not Opal… :frowning:

4.) Er… just imho, the kind of guy that gets freaked out by a girl asking him out is probably not the kind of guy you want to date anyway. I know there are some traditional guys out there who are great guys and may be a little put off by a girl asking them out, but “freaking out?” Would this imply that he feels threatened by women?

5.) Well, you’re a college kid, right? (I think you are, but I may just be stupid.) If not, what’s there to do in Valparaiso? Pretty much any activity is good date material. Is there a play or concert going on? Take him to that. Good movie out? Go there. Nothing in your town but a bowling alley? Go bowling. Heck, even taking a walk can make a good date.

Oh yeah, and don’t be daunted if your first few dates don’t turn out like the ones in the chick flicks. Very few dates are actually like that. If you want some dark humor, e-mail me and ask me about my first date story. (I’ve actually considered turning it into a dramatic monologue one of these days.)

6.) It varies. Remember all those conversations you listened to in junior high, where the girls would debate how long you should date a boy before kissing him? Well… there’s a reason you never heard those conversations after 9th grade or so.

7

Here’s a thread that might help with the “getting dates” part of the equation. Like I said in that thread, I used computer dating as practice dating; I didn’t expect to meet Mr.Right every time I went out, but I did get better and better at meeting and greeting people.

8

One common thread to this thread (did I just write that?) seems to be finding some common ground, and I’d agree there. I personally think it’s better to find it before the first date, but that’s probably just me being old-fashioned.

It occurred to me that you already have at least one thing in common with everybody on SDMB. So a way to meet potential dates would be to socialize with Dopers. I know there’s a ChiDope coming up next month (the 5th & 6th). It’s a quick trip from Elgin, and not too far from Valparaiso, either. You could meet people in a non-threat setting, get to know them, and if something clicked, you’d at least know they live relatively close to you, making the next steps easier.

I’m going to try to make it there (I visit my folks in IL when I can), and while I’m not going with the intent of trolling for dates, I’m not above meeting someone nice there, either.

Oh, and $0.02 more: For some reason, it seems to work best when you don’t try. Any time I have “gone looking for a date,” nothing happens. Then I give up, and before long, I stumble blindly into someone worth knowing. Go figure.

9

1.) How can a chick ask a guy out?

Assuming you know that person, just say something such as “How about lunch?”

It’s best done if you insert it somewhere in the middle of a conversation. So in person is the best, yes, since you get to observe his reaction. Otherwise e-mail, phone, or IM are fine too.

2.) Guys/not-straight girls, if a girl were to ask you out, and she wasn’t a knockout (though not ugly), would you say no?

Depends on whether I am on friendly terms with that person.

4.) Guys, would a girl asking you out freak you out?

No. Almost as many women asked me out as I asked women out, so it’s no shock to me. :slight_smile: The first time a woman asked me out I was in uni. I didn’t even know her, but she came up to me and asked me I wanted to go have a cup of coffee. :smiley:

5.) What are good things to do on a date?

Depends on how further along is the relation, what kind of date it is, and the disposition of both partners.

6.) And how fast do relationships progess?

It depends. I usually take it slow because I want to get to know the other person before getting in too deep.

10

Before I would answer this Angel, I would need to know more about you, your age range, your country, maybe your state, what you like to do, where you hang out & things like that.

BTW, you do know that Opal is a woman, right, & married too :slight_smile: ? You might have to brush up on your technique if you like asking married women out on dates.

11

Walk up and ask him to go out with you…guys in general are slow, subtleness doesn’t work.

  1. Of course I wouldn’t say no. It takes courage to ask someone out and that’s worth a lot. It’s also very flattering.

  2. n/a

  3. I don’t do well in social situations period. Conversations in general freak me out. A girl asking me out wouldn’t freak me out any more than normal however.

  4. I like the typical movies then dinner. I prefer it in that order because the movie gives you extra material for dinner conversation.

  5. Sex always takes a back seat for a while because it’s a pretty huge deal to me. I like to feel comfortable touching the girl fairly for a while first.

12

How to ask? Just ask!

If to ask, there’s the real question. Here’s the deal:

America should have lauched a Manhattan Project-sized social program to keep up in the sexual revolution. Us guys were learning to NOT be agressive, not there was NO CORRESPONDING training offered to women on how to BE aggressive. Yet more evidence of the greivous differences between the sexes.

Believe me, if the guy is attracted to you, he will be tremendously flattered! If he’s not, he will probably say yes to be polite. The first time, at least.

13

There are precious few non-straight women who would turn down another woman simply for being less than a knockout. In fact, they are so rare that I have never personally met one.

14
15

I know that Preview is my friend, but we’ve never tried dating. Maybe we should.

16

Me thinks handy wants your phone number.

The reason for this seemingly dumb question is that it is the third question, which traditionally belongs to Opal. So don’t take AotL seriously on this one.