Basically, how often do you have to go back and forth when making plans?
Case in point. I have recurring plans to bike ride with my sister. We do it pretty much on any date that my work does not prevent. A sample communication will be for one of us to text “8?” and the other responds “Y”.
Today, I had a dental appt at noon, so instead of sending a simple text (I dislike typing long texts" I emailed that she could either pick 9 for 1:30. She emailed back “9?” - saying she was busy in the pm.
I saw her email when I awoke at 6:30, and figured we were on for 9. I did not check my phone or email after that.
Well, she had not appeared by 9:10, so I checked my email/phone, and saw that she had sent followup text and email, asking if we were on for 9.
I apologized for the miscommunication, and said I’d see her Friday.
I know I tend to dislike electronic - or even phone - communication, and I focus more than most people on efficient - some would say overly terse - communication.
I welcome your thoughts. I admit this bothered me a bit, and I don’t want to take it out on one of the few people I give a damn about.
This is going to be different depending on you knowledge of how often you each check you email/text.
People know that if they send me a text or whatsapp message, I will almost certainly see it within 15 minutes or at least know you have sent it. Exception would be between 11pm and 6:30am. People also know that I do not read my emails in real time. If you send me an email and expect a response within a couple of hours you are likely to be disappointed.
“People” in this context include my immediate family (my own wife and kid, my siblings, parents) and 5-10 close friends.
And I know how responsive those folks are to text and email.
The real answer is that it’s set when both people have a meeting of the minds and agree that it’s set. That can be accomplished with sparse communication, but there’s also plenty of room for miscommunication.
Based on her question mark, sounds like you needed to respond with “Y” to confirm.
Anyone who knows me at all knows I do not check texts/email frequently. I pretty much guarantee a response to texts/emails w/in 24 hrs. If I am expecting a message or am engaged in an ongoing discussion, I will keep my phone near me. Otherwise, it might not move off of my nightstand all day. I prefer to email from my computer with the keyboard, but a tap on my phone informs me of any incoming emails or texts.
I figure if someone wants my immediate attention, they can call me and I will hear it ring.
On reflection, I did realize that the “?” welcomed/anticipated a response. Being totally honest, I did not read her email that carefully. All I was awaiting was either a 9 or 130. When I saw the 9, I just figured things were set. Seeing as I had said, “You make the call”, I’m not sure why she would invite yet another email.
Yeah - and I (irrationally, many might say) find it irritating the way so many (most) folk act as tho they cannot be out of arms reach of their phone, and they feel a need to check it instantly whatever they are doing.
Not answering for the OP, but personally I prefer written communication both because of my hearing loss and also so I have written evidence to refer back to.
Are you suggesting I respond to her email with a phone call?
Nothing would be “so bad” about another text/email/call, but we were going to be biking together - and talking - for 2-3 hours. I didn’t perceive the need for an unnecessary additional short communication.
I perceive modern life as containing so much glurge - unnecessary time wasting tasks. Much of it caused by electronic communication. Yeah - I am a jerk w/ Luddite tendencies. But my preference is that those closest to me not unnecessarily contribute to that glurge. I have no desire/intention of becoming the sort of folk who just natters away on their phone. Just my preference. Many people choose differently.
IMO, many people act as tho, just because we have the potential ability to contact each other so easily, that no plans should be presumed final, and that they should be open to endless revision up to the final moment. I personally detest that approach - and as many of you may imagine, I am not shy about letting friends/family know my preference!
I often think back to an ld Honeymooners sketch. Ralph and Ed were in lounge chairs. Ralph asked Ed to tuck his laprobe in, after which Ed needed Ralph to tuck him in, and it continued. Just an image that occurs to me when conversation keeps going back and forth…
Given that you were doing the arrangements by text, I think you should have replied “y” to her “9?”. If I were her, especially knowing that you don’t look at your phone very often, I would not know whether you even saw my “9?” and I would also have assumed the date was off, or postponed, and not have shown up.
But given your hatred for texting, maybe you would do better to call your friends to make dates, and not try to arrange stuff via text at all.
I always confirm a date or any other agreement by texting the thumbs-up emoji ( ). I think that’s rather unambiguous, and I don’t remember any instance in which this led to confusion.
My gf will text me "Hey, I think we should go to place tonight blah, blah, blah, I’ll wear the new thing I bought, blah blah blah. Many paragraphs. Many paragraphs.
We both respond w/ either Y or K. My wife and others use thumbs up emojis. I never use emojis in text.
I don’ “hate” texts. (I think it is fair to say I prefer them far over phone calls.). I just dislike unnecessary texts, or a perceived need for instant responses. I sent my email yesterday eve. I was going to check for a response, because the nature of my email required one. So unless she had a reason to think her email did not get sent, I’m not sure why she would presume I suddenly became unreliable and would not check for an expected response to my inquiry.
Emails sometimes get lost or delayed in cyberspace for no apparent reason. Texts sometimes fail to send, especially if I’m in an area with poor cell coverage. If i don’t get a response to a question, i assume my question wasn’t received.
So you have demonstrated that you are unreliable, because you failed to reply in a timely manner to her time-sensitive question. But she may have charitably assumed it was a system failure, and not your failure. Either way, she acted reasonably in not going out of her way to meet you without knowing you expected her.
You might have preferred if she had replied, “see you at 9”, instead of “9?”. But she didn’t. So you owed her confirmation.
I honestly think you should make this kind of arrangement over the phone.
I try to tell this to all my family and friends (when the situation warrants it): If either you or I need a response NOW, a phone call is the only way to be sure.
I believe it was on here that folk informed me that texts are nowhere near as instantaneous and reliable as many folk assume.
I guess I was not expecting her to request additional confirmation. I said I would be available at either 9 or 130, so I’m not sure why she would question that. Bottomline is if she had showed up at my door today at either 9 or 130 ready to bike, I was available.
I’m reminded of appointment confirmations - doctors/dentists/hairdressers/car service… I generally dislike them, but they are ignorable. If I made an appointment, I wrote it down (in ink on my paper calendar! ;)) and I’ll be there. I have so little going on, that I am able to remember to keep appts.
Yes, I understand businesses send these reminders because many people are not as reliable as I am. Ok, so I ignore the reminders. But what sorta corks me is when the reminder says to take an additional step to confirm receipt of the reminder. Yeah, a minor step, but I didn’t need the reminder in the first place.
Also, as we recently switched my computer, I’ve been made aware of my habit of keeping tons of unread glurge emails. So I’ve been more active about deleting the 99% of messages I get that are crap.
Well, come Friday, I’ll remind my sister of what a technologically incompetent asshole I am, and perhaps she’ll remember not to expect such confirmations in the future. Or maybe I’ll change my habits. Not a big deal. Was just wondering how out of touch my perception/practices were.
”. But my style is obviously more verbose.
). I think that’s rather unambiguous, and I don’t remember any instance in which this led to confusion.