when is anger a problem

I don’t have an anger problem in the normal sense of the word. i don’t get pissed off because of everything but something bad happened 3.5 years ago that i still think about daily and that still angers me virtually everyday. I don’t take my anger of this situation out on others, but i am afraid that my anger is going to harm my circulatory system or is destructive psychologically. So does anyone here have any experience with this particular type of anger problem? is it more common than i though, to mildly obsess over something bad that happened years ago?

I think it made me more defensive in my day to day life, but i don’t think it made me more angry.

Oh yea, I still have times when I can’t be around anyone because I’m so pissed about something that happened over 12 years ago. I think about it daily as well and some days I just can’t deal with it.

do you think its causing your day to day personality harm? for me, i do not take my anger out on other people but i am afraid that this event is making me cynical and unable to trust people.

Yes, I’m sure it is. I don’t think I take it out on other people, but it certianly colors my view of people/things and sometimes I spend a good part of my day avoiding contact with humans.

:mad: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

::grabs OP by the collar and throws him across the room::

:smiley: :stuck_out_tongue:

I assure you that this anger is hurting you, not just psychologically and physiologically, but also spiritually and emotionally.

Hatred does the most damage to the vessel that holds it.

Living well is the best revenge.

You cannot change the past.

Likely you’ve heard the Serenity Prayer:
“God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

You’re expending emotional energy on something that can’t be fixed. The only thing that can be fixed is your attitude. Don’t you have better things to do with your life than rile yourself up over something that doesn’t matter anymore?

Anger as an immediate reaction is normal and healthy. Learning from a negative experience is helpful. Letting this thing irritate you three-plus years down the road is neither healthy nor helpful. Treat yourself to an extra measure of happiness. Let it go.

I’ve dealt with plenty if anger issues all my life. I was picked on a lot in school and taken advantage of (financially) by people whom I thought were my friends. I have a short temper, little patience and a low frustration tolerance by nature, so these behavioral traits don’t help my anger situation any. All my life people have told me that I am going to have a heart attack or a stroke if I don’t learn to relax and I try to heed their. Easier said than done. I often dwell on the past and think about the people who have done me wrong. I feel my blood pressure rise, my pulse rate increase and I start breathing more heavily each time I think about these people. I still think of ways I wish I could get back at them. Even if I never get my revenge I will never forgive these people.

I know it’s unhealthy to think of these things, but sometimes it’s just not easy to let go. If it’s really severe, to the point of causing physical illness or difficulties with sleeping, causing nightmares, etc. you may wish to visit a counselor or a therapist to discuss these things. About 13 years ago when I had serious issues with my ex-girlfriend I had to see one on a weekly basis for several weeks. I experienced fatigue, I had trouble sleeping and when I did sleep I had more nightmares. I even had to take antidepressants. While I still think about the hell she put me through, I feel the therapy and the meds helped me to deal with it and it kept me from doing something stupid, if not illegal.

As for cynicism and mistrust, I’d definitely say that the people who have betrayed me and made me angry throughout my life have made me more bitter and skeptical. As much as I hate to admit it I’ll probably end up being a grouchy old man.

Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
That, and I’m not wearing stretch pants, and no one likes seeing big green weenie.

I have a couple of things like that. I try not to dwell on them as that gives them strength. I also try to remember what is in the past is in the past and I can’t change it. Learn from it. Find it’s gifts and move on.

Sometimes you can choose not to be angry anymore. But if that is not possible, you do need to find someway to get it out of your system and move on. Anger that is suppressed can result in clinical depression. Don’t sit on your feelings. Maybe you could consider short term help from a counselor.

Some anger is normal. But if you obsess about it, have nightmares and elevated blood pressure, you do need to ask for help. Or if you overeat or have chest pain or upset stomach frequently.

Time does not necessarily mean that the pain goes away. This one sounds like the pain that needs to be confronted.

I am still feeling the effects of not being able to have my feelings listened to fifty years ago! (I was a sensitive and emotionally needy child with a narcissistic mother.)

At any rate, if you can’t genuinely let it go, then don’t bury it. Deal with it openly.

I hope this works out for you soon!

There have been several things in my life that have made me really angry like that.

I try to change the focus of my thoughts to work out to how to prevent the same thing from happening again.

In one case, now I can say, “This isn’t the deal I thought we had”, and walk away. It was very expensive to gain that strength, but it has helped me twice now (once was with family business when my family was about to make a big mistake).

Also, I look for ways to help someone else avoid getting burned or bullied or hurt. In this, you have to pick your battles. Such an opportunity occurs from time to time; while we all know that we can’t cure all the ills of the world, it’s really worth while to do just one.

Talking to a counselor really can help. I was extremely hardassed and skeptical about this, and finally got talked into trying it, and (for me, at least) the simple act of forming the thing into words changed the shape of it, changed the scope of it, and changed my relationship to it. A couple of sessions basically deflated the thing to the point that I honestly found myself thinking, “Good lord, why was I so worked up about this limp little nothing?”

Really; go talk about it with a professional who has no personal stake in the matter. It helps.

I used to have a real anger problem as I grew up. My problem was that I was afraid of being angry. So whenever I was pissed, I drank, ate or went clothes shopping. This left me unhealthy and broke. I started seeing a therapist. As I got more in touch with my feelings, I was able to let little anger escape like allow some steam out before I boil over. Then, I suffered an accident that permanently altered my brain chemistry. I wasn’t angry. I was PISSED and RAGING. My family could take it but several friends ditched me while I was recovering from my accident. Now, I choose what I have energy to be pissed about. Am I pissed that a semi was speeding so fast that he ran me into the breakdown lane while I was trying to merge onto the highway today? Yes. But tomorrow it won’t bug me. Am I still angry that my first boyfriend cheated on me? No. Am I angry that one of my best friends decided I was crazy when I called him on all the shit he does and then ditched me? Now not so much. But there are times when some critique of his pops up in my brain and I get a surge of anger. Plus, being an angry woman is not socially acceptable so I channel that anger into activism.
I’d suggest trying to pay attention to when angering memories pop up for you. What has happened recently that has unearthed this memory? If the God stuff works for you, then by all means go ahead. I think it’s perfectly natural to still be angry about an incident in the past. What’s unhealthy is dwelling on it and cultivating your anger.

If you let someone who has wronged you continue to make you angry and stressed, you are giving him free rent inside your head. Think about it: You’re angry, raising your adrenaline levels, your blood pressure, your stomach acids. You’re making yourself more vulnerable to a host of illnesses. The person you’re angry about is going along his merry way, not affected in the slightest. It’s definitely a good thing that you don’t take it out on those around you, but you ARE taking it out on YOURSELF.