Random issues from the past appear in my head

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hi there,

I’ve had an ongoing issue for some time now, it’s a bit difficult to explain, but I’ll try.

I am seeking help in trying to cure it.

Quite often, some random event from my past - sometimes it’s something from years ago - will pop in to my head. And there’s a common theme to all of them: they are all instances in which I feel I was severely wronged by another person.

I’m 26, and some of the things that will appear in my head go all the way back to when I was about 15.

Once they appear in my head, I’ll dwell on them, get angry about them all over again, and it internally frustrates me. I say “internally frustrates” because the anger does not spill out on to those around me. Sometimes when I am dwelling on a such past event, others around me might comment, “CalD, you’re a bit quiet, is everything ok?”. That’s about as much “external anger” as I show (what I am trying to highlight is that I am not an outwardly angry person. People who know me often comment that I rarely, if ever, get angry. So please understand, this is not a “how do I control my anger?” type question).

The problem can occur in almost any situation: when I am at work, driving my car, reading a book, or sometimes when I’m in conversation with someone, I will remember the time that “Tim” broke my confidence but wouldn’t admit fault. Or, I’ll remember the time that “John” lost a bet with me but refused to pay up. Or I’ll remember the time that “Anthony” wouldn’t lend me 5 bucks, a few months after I had lent him $70. I’ll remember the time that the uni facilitator threw me out of a tutorial enrolment room because he mistakenly thought I was doing something wrong, then simply wouldn’t believe my pleas of innocence. And on, and on, and on. We’ve all got such stories from our past, nothing unique there.

But once it’s in my head, I can’t get it out. I’ll dwell, and dwell, and dwell. And it gets me angry/upset - it will drag my mood down a few notches.

This feeling of annoyance/anger/discontentment will usually dwell for some time. Perhaps a few hours, if not a whole day. Sometimes I may get over it within half an hour or so, but usually not.

Firstly, what I’d like to know is, has anyone else experienced this? Googling for a solution, or for some documentation of the problem, hasn’t borne any fruit.

One last note: Please understand, I am not asking “how do I control my anger?”, nor am I asking “there’s this one thing that I simply can’t get over after all this time…”.

What I’m asking is… “Why are random things from my past temporarily popping in to my head, causing some mess, and then leaving?”.

HELP!

Thanks.

2

I never know when I answer these if the OP really wants a serious answer, but I’ve thought about this and I have one, so here it is.

Random thoughts go through our heads all the time based on connection to external stimuli. They often go through our head so fast we don’t remember them in the next second as we’re focusing on something else.

The reason that you remember the negative events is that you’re dwelling on them. Dwelling on negatives events is a habit, something you’ve done in the past and continue to do, so it’s hard to stop.

I don’t get the feeling that you’re female, but there’s a book that applies and is not just about females called, Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life I don’t think the title is very descriptive because it doesn’t deal with thinking too much, it has to do with ruminating, which is just thinking the same thing over, not really creatively thinking about a solution.

You can stop the habit by not dwelling on the thought. But like all habits, it’s difficult because you have to notice it and make a conscious effort to change.

3

I have a similar problem, although the memories usually involve some kind of embarrassment. What sucks is that I’ll re-experience some of the original feelings of shame along with the memory, as if I’m living through the situation all over again. Usually it passes in a few seconds, but it may lead to unwanted rumination (“oh man, why do I always say such stupid things?”), which may cause my mood to swing downward.

I liken it to a flashback – the kind you experience if you have PTSD. I have a theory that these “flashbacks” are actually a very mild form of PTSD, involving events that are painful, but not necessarily traumatic in the commonly-understood sense. Obviously they’d be a lot worse if you had something truly horrific in your past, like being raped or shot at. In that case you’d want to seek the advice of a therapist.

My completely non-professional opinion is that you can’t stop random unpleasant memories from bubbling up every once in awhile, but your real problem is not the memories – it’s the rumination. You need to somehow make peace with the events of your past so that you are no longer tempted to mull over them. I cannot tell you how to do that – I’m still in the process of making sense of my own past. But I can tell you that it involves a lot of forgiveness, acceptance, and letting go.

4

Just reading this thread has made at least 10 of these go through my head in the past 30 seconds and I am not kidding. The number is building as I type this. I think I am up to about 20 of them now with the oldest being when I was 4 years old in the late 1970’s when I hid a hamster cage in my grandparent’s store so that I could have it and have a hamster of my own someday but I was terrified that my plot would be discovered. This happens all day, every day for me and most of the night as well.

I am not sure what the normal level of this type of thinking is but I am on medication for something that tones down racing thoughts. I sympathize because I am not convinced that most other people in my life are 10% as introspective as I am but there is no way to know. OTOH, dwelling about simple things years or decades after their time has passed doesn’t help anyone and the thought pattern should be broken up as effectively as possible.

5

My extremely non-medical opinion is that this all sounds like symptoms of classic obsessive-compulsive disorder, emphasis on the obsessions:

Cite

Not that having some of the symptoms necessarily means you’re diagnosable, of course. The criteria have to be met to certain degrees, as I understand it.

6

I can’t “summon” anger the way I can summon shame/embarrassment.

By that I mean that I can recall why I was angry at someone, but I don’t re-live it the way I re-live embarrassing things from my past.

I can physically re-live embarrassing or shameful moments, to the point that I’m red and cringing and shuddering, like it just happened.

Usually it’s a song on the radio that reminds me of the time period, or a phrase, or a name…but sometimes they pop in my head for absolutely no reason.

I hate it, and usually I’ll do whatever I can to distract myself, but honestly that’s a little bit like “Think of anything but a blue horse.”

I wish I knew why these moments happen. I also wish I knew why, for me, it’s shame/embarrassment that is so vivid, while it’s anger for the OP.

I hate it!

:smack:

7

Thanks for the responses, guys.