Between dealing with my elderly in-laws and dealing with my own aging, I’ve given this topic a lot of thought. Thankfully, when we relocated my husband’s folks from FL to MD, the traded their licenses for ID cards (MIL is nearly blind, FIL has Parkinson’s and dementia.) I’m 68 and this decision weighs on me.
I’ve already quit driving after dark - the glare of oncoming lights and my eyesight in general makes night-driving unnerving and pretty much unsafe for me. If absolutely necessary, I think I could get along in familiar areas around home, but so far, I’ve managed to get all my errands, etc, done before sunset, and my husband can still do fine at night.
Even during the day, I don’t drive that much. I pick up my granddaughter after school and occasionally take both grands to the playground. I do my grocery shopping and drive to my own Dr and dentist appointments. But I never really liked driving, so I minimize my trips.
The biggest problem, tho, is lack of public transportation in our mostly rural county. There is a circulator bus that would work, except that the closest it comes to our neighborhood is 2 or 3 miles away. As long as my husband can drive, even that’s not a biggie. I’m just hoping we’re both OK behind the wheel until our grandkids are old enough to drive - then we’ll give them our cars in exchange for occasional taxi service. OK, maybe that’s not the best plan…
But I do think long and hard about what will cause me to quit driving altogether. Vision aside (because I think that will be the biggie) when I feel like I’m not safe, I’ll become a passenger exclusively.Hope I still have another decade or two…
Search for elderly driver testers in your area. AAA and AARP are good places to start asking. My dad had one of these test about six years ago. There was a non-driving test of basic cognition, followed by a road test in which an examiner in the passenger seat observed what he was doing and what he was watching. There’s nothing legally binding about such a test - it’s up to the driver and/or their family to decide what the results mean and whether they merit giving up driving. But if you’ve got an elderly driver in your family whose driving is starting to cause you concern, having an outside party weigh in like that may help reduce conflict between you and your elderly driver.
The time to stop driving is when it’s no longer safe for you to drive. If you’re not sure, have a trusted family member drive with you. If they feel you’re no longer a safe driver, you need to take their advice seriously. My father drove until the day he died. He was 91. I drove with him often and he was always a safe driver.
That might depend on your living arrangements - if my mother moved in with me and had a license, I would have to list her as a possible driver on my car insurance policy and that might cost money depending on her driving record.
( my son ran into this- he bought a car and the insurance company gave him a choice- he could either list me, my husband and my daughter on the policy as we lived in the same household or we would be excluded from coverage if we drove his car. )
As for me, I plan to stop when I feel unsafe- but I think it will be relatively easy for me because there is good public transit and I hate to drive anyway. But my kids have instructions to take the keys away because there is a family history of people who don’t want to give up driving and my grandfather nearly killed someone because he wouldn’t stop driving, not even with three children and nine driving grandchildren who lived 15 minutes or less from him.
So in a medical emergency, you think having someone who hasn’t driven in months or years because they thought they were no longer a safe driver is a good idea? That sounds like a recipe to multiply the emergency to me. If someone thinks they are no longer a safe driver, they shouldn’t be driving, period, under any circumstances.
I’d say the time to do it is slightly before you think you’re actually unsafe as a driver.
As others have mentioned, a lot of older drivers are quite obstinate about not giving up driving, and I suspect a big part of that is they simply can’t recognize how bad they are, because of the very cognitive decline that’s causing them to be bad drivers. It’s a bit of a cart before the horse problem. We’re asking people with impaired cognition to recognize that they’re impaired.
My mom gave up driving voluntarily about 4-5 years ago, when she was first diagnosed with “mild” cognitive impairment, and the doctors suggested she stop driving. At the time, she still had enough self-awareness to understand the issue. I’m not sure she’d be able to make the same analysis if we were trying to get her to stop driving today. Her memory and analytical abilities have continued to degrade, and I don’t think she has the capacity any more to understand and remember such discussions.
This was my father-in-law, abetted by his wife. Even tho they had a son nearby who’d drive them anywhere, any time, and neighbors who were willing to help out, they were stubborn about their independence, and in denial about the risk they were on the road. Fortunately, the eye doctor told my MIL she should no longer drive, and she listened, and when they moved near us, my husband took them to change their Florida licenses for ID cards here. We and our daughter and son-in-law have told then we’ll drive them anywhere, any time. It also helps that they gave their car to their other son. But if they were still in Florida, FIL would still be driving. That’s terrifying.
We had a similar issue with my MIL last year. She had been diagnosed with brain cancer, and after a particularly terrifying drive she agreed that she should stop driving. A few months later, when the disease had progressed and she was definitely becoming cognitively impaired, she started telling everyone that her children had taken her car away for no reason at all.
Yeah, this is my mother. She absolutely terrifies me. I had no idea how bad she was until I had a reason to ride with her for probably the first time since I got my license. It wasn’t that far a trip, and I wasn’t sure if we’d make it there unscathed.
She got very upset with me when I brought it up though. I’m actually not sure how to proceed.
The same way you would proceed if she was heading for a cliff. Personally, I would rather my mother hate my guts for a while than attend her funeral and/or the funerals of others she accidentally killed.
Do you have contact info for her doctor ? They can’t give you information, but that doesn’t mean they can’t listen to you giving them information. And even if your state doesn’t have a procedure for relatives to report a driver to DMV, I’m pretty sure every state has a way for physicians to report. Even if there is a way for you report , DMV might move quicker on a report from a doctor.
OK, maybe that’s not the best plan…