Never. I don’t fight, and nobody has had the balls to provoke me. Yet.
In the 6th grade. In 1961. I lost, and found out getting punched in the nose isn’t as funny as it sounds.
Well I’ve never solved a fight like that. 
Anyways, I’m off to take a swing at my gf and hope for the best.
About 10 years ago, on the bus. A guy was beating up his “girlfriend” and her brother. Then he tried to repeatedly stab her in the face with an umbrella, while she was holding her baby. He decided to try his luck with me too. After throwing several punches at me (which all missed), I got bored and sidekicked him through the doorway, down the steps and clean out of the bus. Suddenly he didn’t want to fight me anymore. The cops questioned all the witnesses and let me go in less than five minutes. By the way, I’m a strapping 120 pounds, soaking wet.
Being a gigantic sissy, I have never been in a real physical fight. On the other hand, being a gigantic sissy, I spent most of this afternoon yelling angry slogans at Conservatives. So it really depends on your definition.
My latest altercations were really just small scuffles with my Mom’s boyfriend. He has a big mouth and never quits, so I get angry and push him around a little. Thank God I don’t have to hang around him much.
I probably should’ve been in a million fights by now, but haven’t. I’ve offered friends to fight plenty of times when we were mad (you know how it is!), and have always been disliked by a lot of pricks. I have to actually be kind of antisocial because I have a really big mouth too, and if I feel someone is pushing my buttons, I won’t hesitate to put it all on the table what’s going to happen. There are times for everyone when a fight is really wanted, but that’s hardly always the case, once you get down to it.
The last person that really called me out was a big black guy that looked like the Candyman. Very strong guy, and I backed out of it. I was in really bad shape at the time, so it is probably a very good thing, though I backed out because I was in a situation that would have gotten me locked up if I’d gotten into it with him. I hated him to death, and would’ve gladly taken a beating if it meant I would have gotten to hit him a little. He’d just beaten up one of my friends a few days before too. Haven’t seen him in years, which is probably good for us both.
I think that because I’m not a submissive person, and am pretty reasonable, most problems are talked out respectfully. (I’m also a big guy, so that probably helps!)
My first fight was in 6th grade during gym class. I was hanging in the corner with a few other bums while the class was wrestling on the mat. I was nearly asleep as I leaned against the wall, and this prick that told me off all of the time decided it was time to validate himself by poking me and calling me names. I typically shrugged off insults from other kids, but I’d had a really bad day and I just tackled him. I pounded on his back and the class gathered around us. I drew back from the fight for a minute because I was wary of getting into serious trouble, since I was plotting on his face next, though everyone tried to lead us to fight some more, and he wrestled me to the ground.
I was really angry and exhausted from no sleep, so I just stood up and walked out of the gym to cool down. The gym teacher came after me and I shoved him aside while I went elsewhere. Neither of us got in any trouble, though the teacher did think we should’ve just taken it to the mat instead. 
I seem to attract a lot of pricks, and since I cannot keep quiet, I think it’s pretty tame to how bad it could be if I got out a little more.
Blessed are the reclusive, you see!
Panzram
Thirty years ago, for reasons forgotten, I got into a fight with Darren Lewis in my front yard. The fight ended when I improvised a karate kick to the stomach and Darren doubled over and started bawling. I was so freaked out by my sudden violent victory that I started crying too. We were both 7.
**When is the last time you have been in a fight? **
When I was about 11 and I got whipped good by the school bully. The bruises from the fight did not hurt as much as the humiliation. And I never told my parents.
Mine was about a year ago. My husband’s brother had been kicked out by his girlfriend for beating on her (best decision she ever made, and my mother-in-law often said so herself. In front of jackass son) so he moves over here. BiL has a methampetamine problem, and was coming down one day after being up for about 5 days. He was drinking on top of it. Anyways, he was digging on me for something, then started getting in my face (I was in the kitchen, cooking). My husband (boyfriend at the time) was away at school. Dumbass BiL got just a little too into my face and I shoved him onto his ass (he’s about my height and at the time I had a bit of muscle on him). I thought about braining him with a ketchup bottle located handily on the kitchen counter but realized it was plastic and wasn’t capable of doing nearly as much damage as I wanted to do. I’ve never seen a more surprised look in my life - the girl beater just got shoved by a girl!
He’s had the sense to keep his snarky remarks to himself since. And I didn’t get reprimanded for it, either.
The closest I’ve been to a real fight was a couple of years ago when I and a friend got robbed by 8 guys. They tried to rape her and I got a serious ass kicking, but for now that is the only time I’ve ever been punched or kicked.
Last ‘fight’ was probably in the seventh grade.
Last time I hit someone was in my 12th grade year. I had putting up with vewrbal abuse from someone for a long time, and I finally cracked and hit him. Once. Knocked him out.
Now I get in what I guess could be considered ‘fights’ on a semi-regular basis. You see, I work in an inpatient mental health unit, and there are times that we have to ‘take someone down’. Basically an ‘organized’ fight - usually on a four or five to one basis. usually we can just do a show of force, but it does escalate at times. I’ve had co-workers lose teeth, break their jaws, had their backs go out, get maced (when the police were on the unit and decided to ‘join in’. thanks, guys). And people wonder why I’m looking for something else.
Seven years ago, on a nice summer night, my SO and I were walking home from a Gay bar in West Hollywood, CA. We both walk very fast, lucky for us, as some guys came out of the bushes and came running behind us and tried to push us down…but because we walk at a good clip, they only succeeded in getting us to move faster a few feet and we turned.
Ghetto boys out to roll a couple of faggots.
Well, they picked the wrong guys. First I yelled, “call the police” to anyone who could hear me. It was a summer night and I figured some windows would be open.
Then my SO tore after one of them, and I ran after the other. I cornered him and he suddenly stuck his hand under his shirt and said, “I have a gun.”
I actually laughed, as you could see his finger through his ghetto-ass nylon shirt and took a good slug at him…unfortunately, didn’t hit him as hard as I hoped as he was pretty quick and he tore off up the street. My SO and I went running down the street after them, but the two of them got into a van that was parked and waiting for them and they drove off.
When we got back to the apartment and did call the police, the 911 operator to me that dozens of people had called the police when I shouted that out, and sure enough, they were there in about a minute, and had police cars cruising the area but never got those guys.
The next day, I put up posters in the neighborhood, thanking those who called 911 and letting them know the guys were not caught and to call the police if they had any info, and let them know we were both OK.
Does it count if I wasn’t a major participant, but still involved somewhat?
I work in a factory, folks are bored and the smallest annoyances can grate on one’s nerves and build up to something huge. Two guys I worked with were doing that, both were in the wrong but logic never enters into these things, right? So, after a couple weeks of trading nasty quips, one tosses off “yadda, yadda, yadda *nigger[/]” to the other one and it was on.
The name-caller had been on his way to my job station, so when the affronted one caught up to him it was all right in front of me. They’re bumping chests, hollering at each other, circling and looking to throw a first shot, so I just planted myself between them. Neither one wants to hit me, I don’t want to see anyone get fired, so I picked the smaller one I thought I could move and sorta hugged/shoved/danced him back a few paces.
Once it was clear no blows were going to be exchanged, nearby coworkers started talking the taller one down, too.
Got called into HR coupla days later and got to sit there going “Fight? What fight? Oh, it’s loud and I wear my mandated safety ear protection, I didn’t hear anyone call anyone else names, nope, not me. Got in between?! Nah, I was just hugging my friend the relief guy since I was happy he’d arrived to give me a break, see? That’s me, I’m a hugger, yep.” 