Yesterday I asked my three-year-old to climb into her car seat, but she didn’t, so I lifted her in. We then had this conversation:
“I didn’t want to climb in, because then I would be dead.”
“Honey, remember, we don’t make jokes about being dead. That makes people sad. Jokes should make people happy.”
“Okay. I love you!”
“I love you too! See, that makes me happy!”
“I was joking.”
I can’t believe the skill with which she roped me in, and just wanted to share her evil genius.
How about you–anyone got a serious burn from a kid?
Alas, I have no children insulting me, but I just wanted to say, when I saw this thread title, I was concerned for you, and when I saw ‘‘when my three year old climbed into her car-seat…’’ I was really concerned for you. Children that young should not be driving!
At the dinner table tonight, the 4-year-old tells her 6-year-old sister “Lily, you are a trickster and a fool!” I have no idea where she picked up those words, but I really couldn’t argue with her. She was right… and I was too busy trying not to laugh.
Same kid, the other night, explaining her theory of where babies come from: “You eat lots of food, and your stomach gets really fat, and then you get a baby. Daddy, are you going to have a baby?”
Printing this badly-scanned Quino vignette would not be appropriate, Lacunae.
(text: Stork baby? Ye?)
My nephew has “gender issues” with his mother, or rather, she with him. Instances include, after a week of “ok, so why can’t boys wear skirts or dresses?” “because I say so!” “well, I say we can, why is your say so stronger than my say so?”, getting to Mass aaaand… you know, I think in that particular church, the only image that isn’t wearing some sort of robe is the Crucified. He went and counted all the statues of “men in dresses”, got a paternal explanation that “fashions change” and when the priest came out asked “so is Father Koldo a girl now? With that beard?”
The last one I heard of was that when he said he wanted to be a primary school teacher, his mother answered that “boys aren’t primary school teachers” “:rolleyes: of course not, men are!” BTW, including his current teacher. It’s more of a slow burn kind of thing, but so far the kid is winning by 8 years of boils to none.
Four years ago we took my daughter out to celebrate her twenty first birthday. We got there a few minutes early and I ordered a bottle of wine. When my daughter arrived I asked the waitress to bring her a glass.
One day when my son was just under three, he was sitting on his dad’s lap, facing him.
Son: Daddy, did God make your nose?
Dad: Yep, I guess he did.
Son: Did he make your eyes?
Dad: Yep.
Son: Did he make your hair? <pats Dad’s receding hairline>
Dad: Yep, that too.
Son: <pause> He didn’t do a very good job at that, did he?
My SIL is putting on her makeup. Her 6 year old grandson asks “what are you doing?” She replies “making myself beautiful.” Of COURSE he says “I don’t think it’s gonna work.” She totally set herself up for that one, I know.
Working as a store cashier, checking out a grown up with a child about six years old. Grown up pays cash, cash drawer opens.
Child: Wow, I want to work here when I grow up.
Me: Why?
Child: Just look at all the money you get to keep.
Me: I don’t get to keep it.
Child: Why not?
Me: It belongs to the store.
Child: It does?
Me: Yes. They keep it. I get a pay check, just like everyone else.
(Long, dramatic pause)
Kid: Then I don’t want to work here when I grow up.
You’d be truly amazed at how many adults honestly don’t understand that concept. I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve had to tell people that no, the owner doesn’t just pack up the money in the cash register each night and take it home to spend on himself.
I always tease a bank teller I know about how I’m onto their secret. Each night after closing they go into the vault and roll around on piles of cash. Naked.
Apparently, I pulled something like this when I was a kid:
Upon return from the first day of kindergarten:
Mom: What happened at school?
Me: I got the teacher everybody calls “The Screamer.”
Mom: What was it like?
Me: Oh, just like home.
My ex-wife was over getting the kids and made one of her frequent digs about the older one putting on weight. The younger one saw her sister was getting upset and said “Don’t get upset, 75% of obesity is genetic.”
<hijack>
When I was a kid, I thought that customers at the store got a pretty good deal. See, the customer gives the cashier some money, but then the cashier gives the customer some products and some money (the change). Money and stuff in exchange for just money? Sweet!
</hijack>
My kid managed to skewer me in public with practically his very first word!
When he was just a toddler, we took him with us when we went to see a museum exhibit. The museum was showing sculptures from pre-Columbian Peru. Among those sculptures was one that really stood out: a giant statue of an angry god - it had an almost comically exaggerated frown, an open mouth showing lots of teeth, and it really loomed over the visitors.
Our kid was happily toddling along under my paternal supervision when he catches sight of this thing. He was obviously very impressed. He toddled straight over to it, lifted up a chubby finger, pointed straight at that hideous, frowning face, and said in a delighted voice: “Da-Da! Da-Da!”
The few other museum patrons present then had a good laugh at my expense.
I had that same idea. The cashier just looks at the money and gives it back. If the cashier kept the money, that would mean that you could run out of money and not be able to buy food, and a world where that could happen is a lot scarier than the the one three-year-old me wanted to live in.
